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Cwillie,
This is a set-up.
Tell them to bring the Turkey spatchcocked so they can BBQ it outdoors on your patio, on Monday.
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LOL Send.
I just don't understand how every family gathering turns into this craziness. The reality is the matriarch of the family was the glue that bound us together - first my grandmother, then my mother. Now there is no glue and everyone is always pulling in opposite directions 😔
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Cwillie,
Could it be that family is trying to assign "Matriarch" to you, at your expense?

Their back-peddling (not going to be there, doing other stuff) confirms it to be a non-invitation invitation, imo.

How to handle this non-invitation invitation?

On second thought, tell them to bring the turkey pre-cooked, ready to eat with sides on Monday, lol. Maybe someone else can bring a Ham.

Give them the stability of a plan, at least. No one seems to have one.

BTW
Was this a real invitation?
"I was asked if I would be joining nephew #1's family for Easter weekend and I answered I try to be there."

Another choice, you won't be home on Monday?

The key is, rather than be disappointed, what do you want to see happen?
What would you like to do? Start there.
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I think I have it resolved. I sent my regrets to nephew #1 and expressed hope that we would all connect on Monday.
Even though I played the role on behalf of my mother I'm not the matriarch of the family, that would be sis, and the way I see it her absolute refusal to step up and make plans through the years is all part of the problem. For most of my life family gathering for a meal on holidays was a given, and for religious ones church was also a given. There was no thought about anything different 🤷
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I keep telling people that when you get an invitation your only options are to accept or decline. Instead we always get someone asking (demanding?) to change the day, the time, the venue, the menu... all of it 🙄
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CWillie, I commiserate.

My first instinct when I receive an invitation from my family is to say no. My mind immediately tries to think up excuses why I can't attend.

As far as I'm concerned there is no matriarch in my family anymore. Not since mom passed. My elder sister still hosts Christmas. Every year it seems less of us show up. I show up sporadically but usually end up regretting it.

Willie, I admire the fact that you are even considering this invite you received as it was rather oddly put forth.
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waytomisery, years ago I would never think I would need to bring my computer glasses to the dentist, just to sign in. And what is even more complicating is trying to sign your name using one's finger on the screen.... oh what a mess.


I do like it when the doctor's office sends me e-mail prior to my appointment to fill out paper work. I use a computer at home with a large monitor, and that makes it so easy then trying to fill out numerous pages attached to a clip board, especially when it print is so small.
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My family expected me to step into Mother's place after she left and host all the holidays at my house but after taking care of Mother so long and having so many health problems,there's no way I can be the new Matriarch of the family.
My family wants me to though and they try to make me feel guilty about it but I don't care.
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Luckylu, I think you are lucky to have a family that likes each other enough to want to be together for a holiday. This is not how it is with my family and I envy people who have that. I wish it were different for me, but it won't ever be. We couldn't even get it together for our mother's funeral..
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Hothouseflower,
I'm so sorry that your family doesn't want to get together to celebrate the holidays.

I do feel blessed that the family I have left still wants to get together for the holidays.
I just don't want to be the host anymore and do it at my house.
Because,
For the first 5 years after Mother died,I did do Christmas at our house,filled all the stockings,cleaned,cooked everything,etc.but it was hard on me and none of my family offered to help and they just took it for granted.
They just expected me to do it.
So finally,
I told them that I couldn't do it anymore because of my health problems.
They wer'nt happy and they didn't like it but I just couldn't do it anymore.
So,
Since then,we've gone to my brother's house for Christmas and met at restaurants for other events.
I'm sorry I probably came across mean when I wrote.
My story goes deeper,but I won't go into it now.
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Update on my mom:

The shingles spots are continuing to get smaller and lighter, with some disappearing altogether. She had a normal bowel movement without the aid of magnesium citrate back on Saturday, the first normal bowel movement in a little over a month. And Home Health will come by in a couple of days to collect information and get the ball rolling with PT.

Something I didn't mention when I gave the shingles and PT updates. Later on the day of her doctor's appointment and the day after, we talked about various things both of us will be able to do once PT is taken care of, from going places to not having TMI moments. I also made note of various things we've both missed out on because of her being immobile.
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As far as my family get-togethers, the main reason I don't like attending is that every time I'm with my family I am thrown back into that role of self-conscious 15 year old who got bullied in high school and then came home and got bullied by my own family.

Of course they all think of it as "just teasing" but I'm sure if they were on the other end of it they would feel differently.
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Blickbob, that is very good news. I hope this is indeed the light at the end, and that you will be able to emerge from the tunnel into the light. You've let yourself be held captive for so long! You're still young and can still have a great future. You definitely deserve so much better.

I suggest that you have the PT train your mother how to use or some other Depends, and that you make that a condition for you continuing to live with her so that you are not held captive to her toilet schedule.

I suggest that you talk with the PT about also scheduling some occupational therapy for your mother. This will help her with additional skills that she has lost during her immobility.

And if she's still reluctant to leave the house, maybe some online therapy sessions to address that. Do you have a porch or patio or yard in which she can sit outside for a little while each day, now that the weather is warming up?
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Gershun, yes. "Just teasing," "just kidding," "can't you take a joke," "you have no sense of humor" -- guises for bullying.
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