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Exactly Way! I'm tired of all the apologists who try to spin living in these places as something wonderful, there are many good reasons to move into one but I believe that's just about making lemonade with all the sour fruit life (and aging) has handed you.
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Yes , they are giving up space , belongings , privacy , independence etc and spending tons of money to do it unfortunately .

Not all AL’s are that luxurious . But even a small plain private room beats SNF shared room .
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Oh I totally understand she was offended by the word "cell" because her father lives there and she no doubt felt an implied criticism (she should know me better than that). But the discussion was about downsizing and I at least was thinking of the soul sucking reality of what you are giving up when moving to these places. I know that some of them are like luxury resorts, but many others are one small level above the depressing long term care rooms you described Hothouse. Plus although these places are "not a prison" the sad reality is that many residents rarely if ever go out, and judging by the number of people I saw when I used to walk my mom through there (from the adjoining nursing home) most are not leaving their rooms.
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cwillie, At the NH where my father is the space is spartan for want of a better word. It certainly is not the lap of luxury. He shares with another resident and there is a curtain between the two. He has a bed, a tv, an armoir and a small dresser. Not the greatest arrangement. I guess it is minimalist because this is because it is a Medicaid facility.

But his room is kept clean and he is getting decent care. I would not call it a cell only because of the negative connotation. I guess people can get offended by that word.
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I had an argument with a friend last night because I called the rooms at our local retirement home (that's assisted living level of care) "cells". I've been brooding on this all day and I can't see how living in a room furnished with a bed (twin sized) and side table with a small area for a couple of chairs, a dresser, a TV and perhaps one or two other small furnishings can be called anything else, it's certainly not an apartment.
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I'm horrified at the cost of college. My 17 y/o grandson will be a h.s. senior this year and I'm astounded at how much this is going to cost. We have modest college accounts for all four grandkids but it is a drop in the bucket. We are hoping he gets into one of the UCs but the competition is very tough.

We were able to give my daughter a full ride at Northeastern U. without any loans. It wouldn't be possible to do that now.

I wish I could give more but I need to make sure I am not a burden to my family should I live well into my 90s as my parents did.
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Hi Glad
Good to hear from you and to know you landed well. 🤗
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RIP , Dr Ruth and Richard Simons 😔
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@Geaton,

Penn State is very expensive . Both my kids went there as PA residents . My kids paid off their small loans , but I’m still paying a parent loan . It has gone up since my kids went . We’ve told them that if they were freshman now , they would have had to go to another school.
My second kid going there was a stretch for us . My kids are 7 years apart . The cost went up considerably in between them . It blew my mind how much the out of state students were paying .

My daughter in law is an orphan, she has huge loans from 2 masters degrees . My son pays the whole mortgage so she can pay her loans .
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Since the subject of real estate has come up I wonder if anyone has a pulse on the Los Angeles area. My son and daughter in law are renting there. I hear of so many leaving CA but it doesn't seem to be reflective with home prices.

Welcome back Glad. Happy you were able to finally sell.
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Thank you all! I don't think the real estate market is good anywhere.

Golden, sorry you have not sold yet and hoping you are enjoying your new place! I sure understand your frustration. I thought you had listed the old place before I left. AND I had five offers fall until one finally went through! Scary!

I was very fortunate and lucky to sell when I did! I was hit by one of those huge hail storms just over a year ago. New roof, stucco and fascia repairs. My homeowner's policy was up for renewal in November, three weeks before closing. My rate doubled! Then property taxes also doubled. Between the two I was getting priced out of my home!

My new place is a downsizing for me, price and size. In a townhome community and pay dues each month, the board worries about the landscaping, outside repairs and trash service. My yard at the old house was nearly an acre and the upkeep was much more than I want anymore. About half of it was natural but still needed mowing once a month or so.

Here I only need a renter's policy, HOA dues pay exterior insurance. Because of my hail claim my insurance company would not sell me a policy here. Very odd and it was just for contents.

The heat is on! Record broken yesterday and expected to again today and even worse tomorrow. I am so done with summer! Will make gazpacho this afternoon. Wonderful flavors for these beastly hot days!
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Golden, our real estate market here in MN is also stagnant. I think a lot is due to college debt and the high COL making it so hard for the younger ones to live independently and save. I just read an article that mentioned what percentage of a young person's income goes to paying rent in particular... so much higher than when I was that age (and everything else is so much higher as well).

My son's partner has $70K of college debt for a Liberal Arts degree from Penn State (and he was a PA resident!) How can anyone make a dent in that on an "average" salary??

Now that the Boomers are retiring, there's not enough able buyers for our homes, the significantly increased cost of hiring people to help maintain our homes and provide care (plus labor shortage) was not something we could have planned or saved for adequately.
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Gladbabyeeee! Fabulous that you’re back & just in time to help deal with the increasing crypto/recovery scammers crawling on the forum. Another weekend & looks like 2 so far and it’s not even noon yet. LOL.
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Hello gladimhere! You made it through a very sticky time... congrats on your big move -- I hope you post more often now!
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glad - good to hear from. you. Moving is a major effort. I still haven't sold - 10 months now and only one low ball offer. My real estate agent is scratching her head wondering why. I say God has a plan, Adjusting to a new place takes a while. I'm still working on it.
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Glad - did you hear me thinking about you the other day?🤔
I'm happy for you that you are closer to family and things seem to be going your way now.
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Glad: So good to see you posting! Congratulations on the sale of your house. 💜
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Good to see you glad.

Happy for you that you are closer to your kids, the house sold and you are doing better.
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gladimhere,

Hello !
Glad to hear from you , I do remember you posting here , I was new here then .
Sorry to hear about your troubles .

I understand getting discouraged over the move . My DH and I have been looking for a home with a first floor master bed and bath for quite some time now that would not break the bank . They are in demand causing the prices to be crazy . Many folks near me are selling their larger houses and looking to move to a more suitable house for aging .

We are actually in an area where young people are moving to. I could sell my house tomorrow but would have nowhere to go unless I wanted to buy something really run down and have to gut it . Anytime a house in good condition with first floor master goes on the market it’s multiple bids , ridiculously high prices and sells in a day . I’m only willing to go so high in purchase price . I refuse to pay much more than a house is worth .

DH and I have pretty much given up . Decided we may have to wait until we retire in a few years and expand our search to other areas closer to our kids perhaps , although it’s expensive . For now DH has a commute to work . If needed we could stay , make changes to our bathroom and put a stair lift in at some point I guess .

I hope you are happy to be near your kids !! Moving is a lot . I hope things continue to get better for you .
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Hello all, whoever may still be here. I have been in withdrawal from this site for more than a year now. I was so discouraged and depressed, withdrawing from everything, my house was not selling, it finally did in November after one year and nine months! I moved much closer to my kiddos and it has taken awhile to get acclimated to a larger population and much busier city. Still have unpacking and organizing to do it is just alot!

Was thinking of you all, and just thought I would pop in and say hello to all that know me and even those that don't.
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You're welcome @Anxietynacy.
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SP, thanks I needed that.
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@Anxietynacy we are never promised tomorrow. You never know when you or your husbands health will take a turn for the worse.

I tell my parents to take as many trips and weekend getaways now as possible while they are still healthy and can enjoy them because their health could change seemingly overnight.

This time last year my sister had no idea that she would be dead from leukemia. She thought she had all the time in the world, she didn't. That's how fast things can change for all of us because we never know what illness or disease is lurking in our own bodies.

My mother's friends husband went to work on the computer after dinner and when she went to see why he hadn't come to bed yet she should him dead from a heart attack. This after he seemed perfectly fine.

Take that trip with your DH and enjoy it fully. You and your DH deserve some R&R and deserve to be happy.
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Waytomisery, your absolutely right, I just gotta get my heart and head to work together better. 😂

Pain management appointment today for her, and physical therapy starts next week.

So for now maybe things will settle down.

Anxiety is up because I stayed away, for a few days, so my sister would help, she only helps when I back off.
And I just hate that I have to do that.

Then husband springing a trip on me , was like surprise!
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Anxiety ,

Let POA brother know you will be away and NOT AVAILABLE for those days .

Don’t feel bad about it .

One time I went away to visit my kid up at college for the weekend . My sister ( who rarely did anything ) called me to come back home because Mom was in the hospital with an ischemic bowel event again for the second time . I said “ No , the hospital will take care of her “. My sister was not happy that I would not come home because my mother would not let staff help her toileting and had my sister doing it , which is what I had done in the previous time . The first time was worse and Mom was scared. I told sister to tell Mom to use her call bell and go home .

After that , when her third ischemic bowel incident happened ( bloody stools ) , I decided I no longer would spend all day at the hospital , or do any hands on care ever . Mom had to get used to being cared for by the staff . I told my mother she had staff to help her . I rang her call bell and left when the staff came in to clean her up .

Let your brother figure out how to get Mom’s needs met.
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Husband wants to go to the coast for a few nights, leaving mom right now is making me sick to my stomach.

I know I gotta get my crap together. My brother the POA goes where ever he wants , when ever he wants.

I need to follow my own advice.
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I never understood the term emotional rollercoaster, but man do I get it now.

Yesterday I was down. Then today after some light bulb moments, I'm up.

Taking a break to day from any mom worry, but if she calls I'll be back down.

Up , down, up down.

My goal is to keep my ups for as long as I can, and go through my downs as quickly as I can
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Never mind I found what I was looking for
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Was there a discussion started about how caregiving has changed you. I can't seem to find it , if anyone knows , or can find it that would be awesome
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I met my hwp in 2019, He said he was diagnosed with PD in 2010
I was in love! I married my hwp on April fool's Day 2021! He was 72 and I was 64!
I did a lot of research on PD and new or thought I knew what I was signing up for!
His PD was there but it was very hard to tell. We did a 6-week cross country road trip honeymoon! It was amazing!
I retired in August 2021 so we could spend more time together!
We have done a lot of traveling by air (Hawaii twice )and by car.
We survived COVID together! We rode bike and trike for awhile and we were very active!
Our life has been really really good! We are now Snowbirds from Oregon to Arizona in the winter. I worry that traveling will get more difficult. We used to drive but now he flies with a relative and I drive the car.
Now 5 years later, things are very different to say the least. I just never know who I'm going to encounter from day to day!
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