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You're welcome, Gershun.

I like to think the same about your brother.

Definitely, it could be your mother's hands on your brother's head - a vision given to you to give you peace.

At times like this I like to recall the saying by Julian of Norwich, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well" 
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Golden, thank-you. Your words mean a lot.

I like to think that now my brother is free, in his right mind and reuniting with my mom.

I had a weird moment this morning. I was trying to sleep and suddenly had this image in my mind of old hands placed on someone's head. They looked like my mom's hands. Or at least how I remember her hands. Could it be her hands on my brother's head? I hope so.
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Gershun (((((hugs)))) I am so sorry about your brother. I believe I remember you mentioning him and his mental illness in the past. That must have been so difficult for your family, and so difficult for him. I'm glad you were able to have that last loving time with him. He may have heard you. Hearing is the final sense to go.

Please don't punish yourself with guilt. As a child and young person you did what you could to protect yourself. As an adult, he was an addicted and mentally ill person and you still needed to protect yourself. There is nothing wrong in that.

The "should haves" are common after a loss. We all are human and feel we could have done better in our relationships, but at the time we did the best we could. We have regrets about the past. That's normal grief as is guilt.

My sincerest condolences on your loss. Your other brother found him a decent place to be cared for after his accident, That was a blessing. Your brother is now at rest. I pray that you find comfort and peace too. Thank you for letting us know.
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Hi Everyone,

I haven't posted on here in a while. Wasn't sure which thread to post this one on.

My brother died today. He was 71.

We were estranged. Due to his mental health issues. He had schizophrenia since he was a teen. I must admit I have so many mixed emotions about this. You see, most of my life I was terrified of him. He could be quite volatile and violent at times. He directed a lot of his anger towards my mom. Since I was always so protective of her, he kind of became someone I felt I needed to avoid and shun at all costs.

He spent most of his adult life living on the streets and doing hard drugs. As I'm sure a lot of you know the mental health issues and drug problems often go hand in hand. He smoked crack and lived in a halfway house on the downtown eastside here in Vancouver until a few years ago when he suffered a bad injury and my other brother found him a more decent place to live. Kind of a long term care facility for people like my brother.

I saw him for the last time yesterday afternoon. He definitely wasn't the monster I thought of him as in my youth. The cancer took it's toll. He was skin and bones.
The pain meds had him pretty much unconscious so I wasn't able to communicate with him at all. I did stroke his head and told him I love you. But..........it didn't seem like enough and I doubt he heard me.

I guess the reason I'm posting this is cause I feel wracked with guilt about how I treated him when we were young. I know what he put us through as a family wasn't him. It was schizophrenia. I should have been kinder to him. But I was so afraid of him. Now, he's gone. I'll never have that chance again to say I'm sorry.

I feel sort of empty right now.

Anyway, thx for listening.
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@cwillie

I totally get what you mean about teaching kids (and adults) some basic manners.

I think my generation (Gen X) is the last one who learned basic manners. Like when there's food, you take only one of something and never take seconds unless you're been invited to. If you've been offered something and you don't like it, never be rude about it. Graciously accept a gift no matter how small it is. Treat a person's home like it's a palace and appreciate any hospitality anyone offers. Never show up to someone's home on a social call empty handed. Write and mail a thank-you note when appropriate.

People don't have these most basic manners anymore and they sure don't teach them to their kids.
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Golden: You're welcome.
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That's why there's a saying that no good deed goes unpunished Waytomisery (lol) I'm reluctant to start any kind of project that involves fixing or improving something that isn't already completely broken because chances are high there's an unexpected glitch just waiting to be discovered.
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Golden ,

I hope you get the food allergy figured out . That can be challenging .

cwillie,
I understand wanting Tim Bits as a reward . I like the sign idea from Golden.

I was using house wash ( attached to my hose ) to our covered porch today and shorted out the doorbell button 🙄. Hubs said “ Just another one of your cleaning accidents “. I’ve had many btw. 🤦‍♀️.
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Thanks, Llama. At least it is manageable and I am free of those headaches etc as long as I mind what I eat. 😊
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Golden: So sorry.
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way - that's very sad about the VA homes

cw - such a worthwhile cause. Sounds like they need a supervisor or at the very least a big sign saying "Only 3 (or whatever) Tim Bits each - leave some for others!"

I've been lying low working on sorting out my allergy issues . I had a major reaction to something I have been able to eat before. This is not the same as my usual allergy reactions. After much reading, I've come to the conclusion that it's MCAS - mast cell activation syndrome which apparently is very common with CFS/FM. I was wiped for days. Llama - the headache after eating deli meats is part of this.

So once again I am going through an elimination process to identify the foods causing me the problems. The good news is, as with FODMAPS issues, once you have done that and can avoid the offending foods, you are fine. Other things than foods can set it off, but my triggers seem to be what I eat. I'll check with my dr when I next see her

I googled low carb, low FODMAPS, low histamine foods and A.I. came up with a list very similar to what I do eat, with a few exceptions. Everyone has their own triggers so I may be able to eat some on the No No list.

Thankful it is something that is fixable.
.
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This is a minor whine - why can't/won't/don't people teach their kids a little self restraint? Every year my local Terry Fox run/walk/bike event has donated Tim Bits and coffee for participants, and the littles (and lets face it many adults too) descend like a swarm of locusts and hoover up the whole amount before many people even arrive. It's not a big deal but it would be nice to have at least one or two as my reward when I cross the finish line 😒
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My DH’s job involves going to dozens of VA facilities all over the country . He just returned from a work trip and described yet another VA nursing home facility that is dirty , falling apart etc . The veterans deserve better .
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I started out with the drugstore readers fine for a few years . But then it was too difficult changing from looking at the computer and back to my paper, back and forth doing data entry . It took too long to focus . That’s when I went to progressives .
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Out of curiosity I've tried those drug store glasses but they just don't work for me. I got my first pair of glasses in 4th grade,... there must have been a eye testing blitz because a lot of other kids got theirs then too. I tried contacts but I didn't like them, and at this point in my life I think it would feel weird to not have something on my face protecting my eyes from the wind and dust!
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I broke my favorite pair of progessive glasses recently (well not *I*.. they ended up under DH's heavy foot).

I am sick of the buy these frames - but then! Add progressive lenses + anti-scratch + anti- fog = $$$$$

So I am making do with off the rack readers for now but it IS a pain putting on & off all day :(
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Evamar,

I have thought of that as well . Nice readers will still be cheaper than my progressives .
I’ve thought about asking the doctor about giving up my progressives as I’m not on a computer at work on and off all day anymore .
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Way,
I was also told I will need cataract surgery in 7 or more years.
Re: Glasses. I used those cheap readers they were always scratched, broken, foggy, lenses falling off.
Finally I got myself two pairs of nice looking ( kind of Iris Apfel style) super cool, one reg and sunglasses for reading in the sun,
$ 200 for both. Better for my eyes and cheaper than replacing them constantly,
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Alva ,
That’s where I am at too. I go every year to the eye doctor . Everything looks good too , no glaucoma , or macular issues .
I know that IF those issues or others come around the cataracts will need to come off sooner. But he says I look good !! His estimate is just that an estimate . If things change , they grow faster , it could make it wise to remove cataracts sooner .
I’m not in a rush . My vision is good . Cataracts are not thick .

Maybe you won’t ever need them done . Some grow really slow .
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Way, my doctor has given me, when I asked, estimates of how much my vision would improve or not with surgery. And said basically I am at a place where "it is up to you". He said I will know when I want them removed. And so far, I don't. So I am trusting that. Along with checkup.
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Waytomisery - That's what I wondered the last time this happened so I asked for nothing but the anti scratch coating (which I'm starting to wonder if they applied). I'm toying with the idea of getting single vision glasses for the computer and distance sunglasses glasses (I already have a pair for reading), that might actually be cheaper.
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Cwillie ,
Is there some sort of optional coating on your glasses that could be scratching easily ?
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As I understand it these days cataracts are removed when they affect your vision. I'm sure your dr knows what (s)he is doing, way.

cw - very frustrating not knowing how your glasses are being scratched.
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My cataracts are still very mild and not causing any vision issues . He says when it starts to bother my vision do them . From what I’ve read , I can wait until they bother me . Alot of people wait until they are on Medicare if they can . I’m not old enough for Medicare . My need for glasses is not due to cataracts .
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I've never understood the concept of letting cataracts get "ripe" before removing them, from everything I've read this idea is tied to an outdated methodology and I personally wouldn't feel much trust in a doctor who continues to use that term.
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If I knew I was doing something wrong I'd stop doing it, but I'm at a loss as to what could be causing it. I usually clean with a spray I bought from the optometrist or with a bit of dish soap under running water, but since I walk outside every day there are times when rain or spray from the road needs to be dealt with immediately so I'll use a tissue. But none of that should cause this, FFS there are farmers and labourers who work inside and outside in dusty environments every day and no doubt still clean their glasses with a corner of their T-shirts.
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The eye doctor said that when my slow growing cataracts get worse and “ ripe enough” to get taken care of ( he says not bad enough yet , maybe in 8-10 years ) , that I may actually be able to get away with the drugstore cheap cheaters for reading .

I hope so , it would save me from buying expensive glasses every few years .
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cw I'm sorry. That gets expensive. I've never had that problem with mine - not that I clean them as often as I should.
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Cwillie,

That stinks. I’ve worn progressive lenses for about 10 years and don’t have that problem . I don’t really need glasses for distance at all yet . But the progressives make it easier to focus quickly from mid distance tasks , say a computer screen, to more up close tasks , like reading a book , and back again , which is what I had needed at work . They are very expensive though .
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I've had a recurring problem with my eye glasses, ever since I began wearing $$$ multi focal lenses they only last a year or two before they scratch/craze to a degree that they become pretty much unusable. I've been told I'm scratching them when cleaning but I never had an issue before in the 50+ years I've been wearing glasses, and if anything I've been extra careful. There's only one local optometry office, and even though they are under new management no doubt they use the same labs. I don't know what to do.
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