Sometimes I wish that my parents could just be my parents again. Too much to ask I know, but me taking over as caregiver is like we are changing places in this world. And I just can't stand to see it in their eyes. It's as if panic has set in and we all aren't ready for it. How can we work through this and allow them to go through this next stage of life with dignity and not shame? I don't want our roles reversed. I just want my parents. Silly? Sure sounds it doesn't it?
I agree with BarbBrooklyn that you need to see your doctor and that you might benefit from antidepressants, talk therapy or both. You have been going through so much right now. Keep us updated on your situation.
I've been on antidepressants a couple of times in my life. Post Partum for number 2 (was suicidal; also, I was hospitalized). Again, during a tough patch when I was in grad school, soon to be ex was acting up ,etc. Made me able to cope, not want to just lie down and die. And then again, when I entered menopause and just started crying for no reason.
That last time, I was at a community synagogue dinner, helping to cook and my adult daughter came upon me weeping. She said "mom, what's wrong!?" I said, "Aunt Rosana's mom is dying and I can't do anying about it!".
We both started laughing, because it was just so ridiculous. Of COURSE I couldn't do anything about my SIL's mom dying! Most depressions? they attach themselves to whatever reason is available. Get meds. You will feel better! You will get through this, stronger and wiser.
PS, I have not been on anti depressant meds for many years now.
Look, people who are legally competent get to make their own bad decisions. And WE are able to put our wellbeing, physical and mental first and say " no, I'm not enabling this fictional independence any longer".
In regards to antidepressants, I understand your reluctance to take them. Yes, they can make you feel "loopy"...HOWEVER, when you find the RIGHT ANTIDEPRESSANT FOR YOU, they make you feel great! I have been on antidepressants for 30+ years because I get depressed easily and to help decrease my fibromyalgia pain. Over the years, as my situation has changed so has the antidepressant medication.
www.drugs.com/drug-class/antidepressants.html
This website has excellent information about antidepressants. There are at least six main types (classes) of antidepressants: tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs), selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI), serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitors, monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs), and the atypical antidepressants, such as bupropion. Each type has a slightly different action on specific neurotransmitters. Side effects also differ between classes. You and your doctor will need to work closely together to find the right antidepressant for you and your situation.
WebMD has some short videos about depression:
www.webmd.com/depression/find-happy-17/video-basics-depression
www.webmd.com/depression/find-happy-17/video-basics-antidepressants
TALK THERAPY (AKA Counseling) is also helpful in dealing with depression. This forum is another source of help. Please keep us posted on your situation. God Bless!
Take care.....
If you don't leave, please keep me posted and let me know how you are doing. Take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you.