hi, i have been searching for a site that i can chat with other people who are going through some of the same things as me but it seems most of them haven't been used in a while. I am a full time caregiver for my mother in law with dementia ? alzheimer's, i left my full time job to stay home and keep her out of a nursing home which my father in law wanted to put her in. I have alot of mixed feelings about this whole new situation and i've been reaching out and can't seem to find anyone one to connect with. so I hope to hear from someone here.
I am sure you will find others here that share your issues. I have seen many posts that have helped me learn a lot about caring for my husband. But even more, somehow knowing that there are others out there that share your issues with Alzheimer's and becoming a full time caregiver will give you an outlet. I think Alzheimer's has to be one of the most difficult diseases to deal with since it is progressive and you see people degenerating before your eyes. It's so sad. And you think they would appreciate your help, but often they can become beligerant.
When you first leave you job to stay home to do this, you feel like you are doing what's right. But for someone who has worked a long time, it can be isolating. The fulfillment you got from work is quite different. Have you spoken with your husbnd about your feelings? I would also suggest that you might consider a middle ground where you obtain some adult day care part of the time. It will let you get out and about.
I wish you the best.
My mom obsesses about things. She doesn't like chocolate but if she sees it sitting, she'll eat it. I keep a lot of finger foods sitting around because she doesn't eat much at meals. Her doctor says right now as long as she is eating, thats' what counts. At this stage anything is good. She doesn't drink much either and has been hospitalized several times because of dehydration. Again, I just keep glasses of Ensure, water, juice sitting around the kitchen because she will pick it up and take a bite or drink. That's about all you can do. She tells people we mistreat her and has actually caused senior abuse people to come out. She says we lock her in the basement, won't feed her, won't take her to the doctor or any where. She doesn't realize we are trying to keep her home and out of a nursing home. It is very hard but, again all you can do is take it one minute to the next. Thank God for my husband. He keeps me sane. Otherwise I think I would be in the nut house.....lol!! I don't slep much anymore because she is up most of the night. She doesn't reall know day and night much. These are all normal. If you can, go to the library and get "The 36 Hour Day". It is a great book about Alzhiemers. It puts it in perspective and really hits the desease. I was amazed at how my mom does everthing the book says she will. Take care of yourself. I know it's hard. I'm going thru the same things and it helps to know that.........Phyllis
Heidi
I had to laugh because we also pretend to go to bed around 9 or 10 so my mom will go to bed. We will usually get to watch the news and get a chance to talk. I don't like talking about her when she is around so we save it until she goes to bed. I was so gald to hear you say that because I felt so guilty. It's the only time we have anymore to ourselves.....lol!!
I know exactly how you feel because I am in the exact same situation. My Mom has advancing dementia and is progressing by the week/month. It hurts so much to see her deteriorate before my eyes and sometimes I feel like I am in a hole that I will never get out of. But I have learned so much about myself, my life, my mistakes, my triompths, my relationship with the Lord through pain and hardship that I would never have learned without taking care of Mom and Dad for two years. Dad just passed away 3 months ago, and Mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer that had migrated into her lungs after a cancerous tumor was found in her colon that had to be removed. So this year has been the hardest and most stressful year of my entire life. A great learning one, but very, very, hard lessons about life from all the pain. If there was another way I'm sure I would choose that easier route, but unfortunately there wasn't. The mixed feelings are normal. We/ or I, was just thrown into this position without any training, guidance or advice, and I've made countless mistakes in the beginning and am still making mistakes, but not as bad as at first. I just joined this forum and the people here has helped me greatly. Not just a place to get advice, but a place to vent frustrations and anger, and anything else. No one who has not been a caregiver to parents will ever understand what its like unless they are in the thick of it no matter how much you try to explain things to them. It's just out of their realm of experience/daily life, etc.. If they had to do it for one month, that's the only way they could possibly understand. But I truly doubt if they would even want to do it. So the people here all understand what we are going through perfectly and I hope you will keep coming back as I am doing. God Bless you!!!