I can't tell you how happy I am to finally see a site that "gets real" about the stress caregivers are under and how taking care of aging parents isn't all "inspiring human interest story about how they raised us and now we feel blessed to be able to return the favor" all the time! It seems like everyone is afraid to admit that caregiving just plain sucks sometimes, or even most of the time for those of us who are not cut out for being 24/7 caregivers but end up having to be.
My family is probably a little different than most, my mom is 76 and has multiple sclerosis along with several other medical problems, while I am 35 and have cerebral palsy along with several other medical problems. So for most of our lives mom has been my caregiver but now the tables are turning since she is getting older and the ms is progressing. And besides being barely able to care for myself physically, I am also very much not the caregiver type. I made up my mind early in life that I never wanted children or even a husband because that is how much I hate taking care of people. I mean I get that kids are cute and all that, but when people go on about how rewarding it is to care for a loved one, I really don't know what they're on about. But with my mom I have no choice because although I have older siblings who are in better shape to care for mom, they each have various combinations of mental issues, drug addiction, and fallout from complicated family problems that started before I was born such that I am the only one of mom's children she has had any contact with in over a decade. When people ask how many children she has she always says she only has one (me).
Anyway, I could go on and on about all this, but for now I'll close by saying thank you so much to whoever started this site, it means the world to me to know I'm not alone in loving my mom but hating the fact that my life is centered on her care. Much love to everyone doing this "with me", whether you really want to be there or not, or whether you think you are doing a good job or not, if you're there and you're trying it means more than you know.
Much love to you. Much support. And I hope you will do all you can for yourself. You deserve a life ALL YOUR OWN.
Parents are legally obligated to care for the children that they voluntarily bring into the world. There is no legal obligation for children to impoverish themselves or destroy their lives in order to care for their parents.
Let go of the guilt; let your mother avail herself of the local senior services and get on with your life. You will be a far better advocate and daughter for her if you are able to do so from a position of empowerment and self-sufficiency.
You are incorrect, you do have a choice in whether you provide the care mom needs. What would mom do if something happened to you and you just were not available. Your disability makes it more of a challenge or even easier to figure out how best to deal with care for mom. You are simply unable. Do you have a social worker/counselor assigned to you and mom? Time to get one and use their services.
You do have choices.