Don't understand what is happening to my mom.
To make a long story short: My mom is in her late 70s and frail. Never took care of herself physically. Otherwise a healthy eater, although an alcoholic. 18 mos ago she had 2 sqamous cell growths removed from her face and head. The growths were there at least 10 years but she refused to have a dr look at them until one became infected and began to smell. She went through 36 radiation tx. Fell numerous times at home during the past 2 years, hurt ribs, back and neck. Would try PT but always stopped after the first few sessions b/c she claimed they were hurting her. She is now so stooped over she cannot see much above my knee-level and shuffles her feet to walk. Her arms and legs are so weak she cannot get out of chairs, off the toilet, or even feed herself very well. Her personality has also changed (for the worse) over the past few years.
Anyhow, mom fell down the stairs at home 10 days ago. Dad call 911, she went to the hospital, was transferred b/c of small bleed in brain. That resolved, but she has been in and out of consciousness ever since. Listens to my dad and will squeeze his hand in response, but does not open her eyes unless he opens them for her and then she will hold them open for 1-2 minutes. She had a UTI (rec'd antibiotics) and is now being treated for pneumonia. Has breathing tube and feeding tube (hiatal hernia - wasn't able to swallow at hospital - also an ongoing 30+ year old issue that she never sought tx for). I know she was frail going in, but I don't understand what seems to be a coma-like state. I don't mean this to sound odd, but is she dying? Is this what happens? She was not strong to begin with.
Dad keeps asking dr's at the hospital when she's coming home and I think he's being blind about the reality. I just wish I knew more about what to expect -- possible/likely outcomes -- when a frail parent falls and is hospitalized and suddenly starts sleeping / semi-conscious state.
I live far away and am trying to do as much as I can over the phone with Dad and occasionally talking with the nurses. What should I be asking? What should I be preparing for?
Thanks so much for reading this far!
Anyhow, nothing much else has changed. Going for an overnight visit in a week. I'm scared at what I'll see. Sorry to be blunt. Even when you don't have a great history with a parent, this is tough. :-( I can't imagine what it must be like if you have a loving relationship with a parent.
She is still in a hospital, but was xferred to one that could handle head trauma. Her own PCP has not been to see her. I don't believe he has rights at the hospital, but was led to believe that one of the dr's in the practice did and would see her. My dad never even called their PCP until I asked him about it 5 days after her fall. He just assumed the hospital had informed the PCP when they requested her records. It was also odd to me that the hospital didn't have her full medical history (no idea of the cancer, frailty, etc.) until I called and spoke with a nurse and gave her a whole bunch of background. I would think the PCP would be a good point of contact for my dad, but maybe I'm wrong about that.
To compound matters, my dad had open heart surgery in April to repair a heart valve, and I wanted the hospital staff to be aware of his status as well. (he's doing very well, but I understand full recovery can take 6 mos - 1 year for someone his age (79).) This is taking a very big toll on him. The hospital mom is in is about an hour away from their house, and it costs $24 for him to park when he goes to visits. He goes in once a day, but is usually there over lunch and has stopped eating lunch. He sounds very tired on the phone and it makes me sad. For what it's worth, I have a very difficult history with both my parents, so there are a lot of mixed emotions at work here.
I am planning to go for an overnight visit within the next few days. In the meantime, I'm going to try to telephone the hospital nursing staff again tomorrow and ask about hospice, etc. Jeanne -- thank you for the suggestion about asking if they are waiting for something to happen before they decide on next steps. My impression is that they are trying to treat the pneumonia, but I really don't know how well that is going to work. I've always had the impression in my head that elderly + pneumonia = bad outcome. When dad asks when she can be released, even to rehab, they say they have to clear the pneumonia first. Before that, they told him that she had to be able to eat and also stand up and take some steps. I'm just afraid they're going to suggest hospice soon and my dad is going to be blindsided. None of this is surprising to me, but my dad is being very blind to reality.
Again, thanks so much for listening! What a relief to have found this website.
You say she went to a hospital and was transferred -- where is she now?
She certainly could be dying, although that is not necessarily the case. Your father could probably use your support now. Can you possibly go there? I know this is difficult when you live some distance away. And your mother has been having many "crisis" episodes with falls and medical needs. It is hard to know when you should drop everything and appear in person. If it is at all possible, I think this would be a good time.
Is her own PCP seeing her, or only hospital staff she hasn't seen before? I'd want to know from the doctor what the expected next step is. Are they waiting for certain things to happen before they decide? Is she likely to be released to a rehab center? Is Hospice appropriate? When Dad asks when she can come home, what answer does he get?
Hugs to you.