I think it went well. I framed it like a "let's hang out" kind of thing, and I don't think it came off as condescending. I never considered that providing direction with a manual could be perceived this way (since most any new job provides manuals / shadowing / hands on training for new employees), but after input from this forum, I decided to change it up a bit.
I GENTLY let her know that I appreciated her willingness to cook but thought it best for her to heat up items that I had already provided since I know about our dietary restrictions. I also asked her to check with me prior to preparing any foods that were left in the fridge. I certainly don't want my expensive pasture-raised chicken to turn into three pounds of "ye ole' southern chicken salad" - BLECK!!!!
I showed her the pages in the manual that related to each of the tasks I showed her and highlighted the food pages of LIKES/DISLIKES. I framed it as "I'm making it easier on you" by providing pre-made meals for her to heat up and serve. I also asked her not to modify the meals and stick to the menus I leave with her daily checklist.
...and I think she is a kinetic learner. She seemed to respond more positively to being shown how I like things done (I think it's fair to place that stipulation considering she's making $5 more than the going rate for home caregivers and double what she was making as a grocery store cashier).
I also discussed how I value our friendship, but really need her to understand that when she's on the clock (I use a timeclock app for her to punch in and out and to keep track of payroll), it's a BUSINESS relationship.
She is now VERY clear on what's allowed and not allowed (that word sounds harsh, but it's reality)... that she is an EMPLOYEE in MY home and needs to respect me and the house accordingly.
We signed a declaration stating that she understood her responsibilities and highlighting a process if she doesn't hold up her end of the bargain :
1) Verbal Communication
2) Written Warning followed by Probationary Period to Improve
3) Termination
This was hard for me because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I HATE being "mean". I found it helpful to think in more of a "corporate" mindset (I am employer / she is employee. It's not PERSONAL... it's BUSINESS).
So, we'll see. She can't say she doesn't know now. I'm hoping that this new slate works for everyone. Dad really loves her and she is REALLY good with him. We'll see...
Good luck. I hope your employee /employer relationship will remain on good terms for a long time.
Rewards and words of acknowledgment and encouragement for good performance always go a long long way.