I wish someone could just explain what is happening and why. I can't concentrate on anything, my dad is always at the back of my mind. He only retired in 2015 he's 72 years old. He has had so much going on it would take an age to write. But most recently 12 weeks ago. He suffered 3 strokes within a week. He stayed in hospital for 10 weeks. His recovery was slow and is now very limited. He cannot walk, move his left hand. his right arm can move and lift but he struggles to bring the arm to his face. But he can if he pushes himself. He is now bed bound. He is peg fed due to the stroke affecting his throat. He has been in a temporary bed in a nursing home for the past 2/3 weeks, as the plan is to send him home. With carers out 4 x a day. I didn't like the idea. But it's my dad's descion. He still has capacity. Although he doesn't engage very much and often stares or just watches the tv. Yesterday he was sent to hospital as his oxygen levels were low and he was sort of breathing fast and shallow. They did a blood test and it showed his kidneys aren't functioning very well. He does have a chest infection the doctor told me tonight. But they are not looking into his kidneys as they want to get his oxygen levels right. He seems better today, but he is not emptying his bladder (this is a first) and he has no urge to go so they have put a catheter in. My dad has I guess given up. He's hard to talk to and won't engage with me. I find this very hard emotionally. But I try to see the world from his point of view. The only thing keeping him alive really is the peg feed. He just seems to be going downhill. And it's one thing after another. Why is he being tortured?
Next...the outward manifestation of stroke are not the whole story. The damage to the brain means damage to the whole body, Each organ is controlled by the brain, no telling what every thing damaged is.
What is happening? To be honest, this is the beginning of the end. The swallowing function returns to 70 percent of stroke victims within 6 months. 5% die from aspiration of food in the first few weeks. The rest never recover this function.
Most stroke victims die within the first 2 years. BUT, no insurance company will write a life insurance policy till they have live at least 5 years.....that is because their actuarial tables show that the survival rate for 5 years is almost none.
His failure to communicate with you could just be he isn't capable of putting words together any more. Stroke usually takes away the processing of language...both hearing/understanding and writing/speaking.
I went through all this with my Mom. Take this time to spend as much time with him as you can. Try visual communication...pictures, music, etc.
I know I’ve seen some people who are beyond recovery give up and fade away. My grandma did that.
Did your dad WANT the peg feed? Did he want extraordinary measures in order to keep himself alive?
I'm sorry you feel he is being tortured--life is just very, very hard sometimes. We don't always get to 'go gentle into that goodnight'. All you can do is be there for him and love him.
I have read through each of your replies.
I have many concerns but no one has actually mentioned dying or death to me?
He is on the peg feed as it was what he wanted and understood.
He wanted to go home and be cared for there.
I'm sorry I think I just have to.many questions and problems to put into one post. I may ask another question . With more details.
Thank you all again love tillymoo
You can post here, on your original question, for continuity's sake.
You mention that the only thing keeping him alive is the peg feed.
Did you want to talk about that?
I think he has given up. He can't walk. Use his arms.
He can barely talk. He's double Incontinent.
In my eyes the only thing keeping him going is the peg feed. If that wasn't there, he wouldn't be here. Would He?
Now with his chest, oxygen?
Blood on his stools. Blood in his urine. (Last two have been seen today)
It's like constant torture. One thing after another. Nothing is giving him peace.
I will go to the hospital in the morning and wait around to see the doctors They did mention that a blood result said his kidneys aren't functioning properly. When i asked the nurses again they said it was fine. Thank you all again for your replies. X
Try to be brave yourself. Don't let Dad see you falling apart otherwise he will struggle to keep on going, and in reality you want Dad to get back to being the Dad you always knew, this may not happen. Dad might "rally", meaning he will make great strides health wise, but know with a "rally" it is temporary, a day or more.
I remember when my Dad, who was my side kick, we were two peas in a pod even though I was his daughter, my Dad had a "rally" then slid into a coma state but I was told he could still hear me.....
I told Dad not to worry about me, that it was ok for him to go be with Mom [who had passed a year prior], that he taught me a lot about taking care of a house... who taught me to name every tool in the toolbox and what they are used for... and how to use those tools... and not to be scared of bugs :) Dad passed peacefully a few hours later. It was a blessing as Dad's quality of life just wasn't there any more.