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To be honest Romeo, there are people here that really need help, serious issues, that we can really help someone with that needs help and that actually wants help and isn't playing games.
There are people that truly want to help!! People that care, people that take time out of there lives to help others, not because they are addicted to social media.
But because they want to help people with things that they may have been though. That's why many of us are here.
All you want to do is ask or vent and take no advice.
I'm going to be honest I see you as rather way to much into yourself, others need help to.
And I don't see you ever helping another person or even attempt to.
It's all about you always.
I'm trying not to get angry here, but I'm sitting at the doctors, while my mom is getting a covid test. Life is not all about you all the time.
You know Romeo, I’ve gotten my own questions shut down because of a couple stances I’ve had. One, how I and dh do not relate at all to the recipient stories in organ donation and how difficult it is to get off a list once you’ve signed on at 16. The other was about how I don’t think a fully intact male should be able to force females to be roommates with them just because said male identifies as female.
In both those cases admin decided there was nothing further to be said. Same as your previous threads, which you’ve had a considerable amount of leash on.
I think you received a lot of wonderful advice concerning your elderly parents and your poor husband who is so sick and went on a business trip with a feeding tube. I think we've exhausted the conversation unless there is something new that you need advice on.
You do have a lot of drama in your life, I can say that.
I think people confuse 'blunt' with 'bullying'. So many people have 'been there, done that' that they just want to get to the point and often we have posters that want to beat a topic to death rather than actually do anything about it.
Nothing is more frustrating than listening to an OP shoot down all suggestions either insisting they tried that or knowing it just won't work...and we all know they haven't tried it, they just want to complain and not put in the effort to make a change happen.
This isn't a forum for patting someone of the back for being a martyr. We are trying to give real life perspectives on real issues. But if you refuse to take any action people will get short with you.
Therapy would help you to understand that people have limited patience with those who ask for help , receive tons of help ………then the people who give you help are told by you that our help “ is funny “ , entertaining , and that we must have nothing better to do . That was you basically laughing at us . We wasted our time .
The cherry on top of this tall sundae is for you to return here and believe you are the victim . I’m sure you learned to play the victim role very well from your mother.
People tire of this , just like people tire of alcoholics , drug addicts etc . who don’t try to improve . You have to want to make changes or people will walk away .
You made these monsters by not having boundaries early on. Your relationship to your parents is too emeshed. When you marry, your husband is your #1. Parents job is done. Hopefully, they move on having friends and activities of their own. You go on to maybe having your own family, which you blame you parents for not having. I have gone away, told my parents when I am leaving and when I am coming back. Not once did I call them during my vacation and not once was I barrated for it. My girls do not tell me every place they go. I don't get calls every day and that is OK. They have lives.
Now they are 90+ you want to set boundaries? I understand, your a Senior too with health problems of your own and your tired. Tell them that. You don't have the energy to cater to their every whim.
You either have a "come to Jesus talk" with Mom and Dad or except this is your life until they die. And your poor husband, he is a Saint. He is looked over and does not seem to complain. He must really love you.
You were shut down because your postings go no where. You just complain. This is a forum for those with problems they had no part in causing and need help. You caused your own problems by allowing your parents to be too involved in your life. Now you are suffering the consequences.
Your veil Karsten brings to mind a transit operator. She usually has a sweater/towel (?) draped over the plexiglass protection door, so I guess to deter riders from carrying on a long conversation with her, or maybe boarding riders don't have to really see her. LOL
If you were being "bullied", in reality, the "bully" posts would've been removed. Instead, your post was shut down to further comments because beating a dead horse is exhausting.
Now you're posting again, trying to convince us you're the victim, after getting tons and tons of useful advice?
Many of us have been forum members for a number of years, not because we like social media so much. But because we've walked a hard road with our loved ones and come here to share those experiences with others who are struggling. Not to play games or give 24/7 advice to people who are just fooling around online wasting time and don't really want it. Reddit is a much better place for that type of drama than AC. I suggest you take your future questions there.
Romeo, yep, certain posters do say horrendous things and get applauded for it, they gripe when posters don't come back, yet when they do, they are often minimized and attacked, told to fill out their profile and then it is not even read. I hope you see this post before I am censored because some like to do that too. I called them the forum police and was mocked for a year, nice support, heck I was even told when I asked for prayers for my dying mom to get over petty grievances with someone that went out of her way to attack me over the years, really? Nice.
I have been in your shoes, you need to learn to ignore it or grow thicker skin when dealing with posters that attack you for not following their opinions and advice.
I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but I do feel that anyone that has been bullied, should look inside themselves to see why. We all have been there, wether it's the work place, or family, or friends, or on social media.
We have to look inside are selves to figure out why and how to change it. To prevent it from happening again.
It's true that allowing bullying to happen to yourself repeatedly would call for counseling to find out why you are in an abusive situation and to help you learn how to escape. And the abuser/abusee reality doesn't take away from the fact that someone is also fully responsible for the bullying they are committing.
On this forum please just report the posts that concern you, its a good system and it works.
Anxiety, if some keeps being disrespectful to you, do you go to counseling to figure out what you are doing to be disrespected? Just curious because I think that being bullied and being blamed for said bullying is as disrespectful as it gets. Hmm?
I hear you isthisreal, I get what you are saying, I do.
But absolutely, if you feel disrespected, go to counseling to figure out why and how to change it.
I understand what you are saying and I'm sorry, but Google things like how to get respect on the job, or anything and there is loades of information on how to gain respect.
Like just for instance, do what you say your going to do. don't promise things and say I'm coming to your party and don't show.
Don't say over and over you will get counseling and don't get it.
I myself put much time and energy, thought, love and caring into Romeo, and most of all patients. To get pretty much laughed and told we are funny.
I'm hurt and a bit annoyed.
As for your question, I hundred percent believe a person that is not being respected should get therapy and figure out why.
So Anxiety, just so I understand - in your thinking, it's a character flaw of the person BEING bullied that causes the bullying - and a little introspection to find out why that person "allows" it to happen will come up with a solution to make it all go away. Is that what you're saying?
Because, quite frankly, then it's not a great leap to "well, no WONDER you were sexually assaulted, look at what you're wearing/where you're walking/who you're hanging out with" or "well of course your spouse beat you up, look at the dirty house/what you made for dinner/what you said to him/her".
Do you really think people who have been/are being chronically bullied haven't thought long and hard about their own behavior, and what they can do to reduce the incidents?
If you feel THIS particular poster isn't being (hasn't been) bullied in THIS particular incident, that's one thing. But that blanket statement you made is utterly ridiculous, and is, quite frankly, blaming the victims.
If you feel THIS poster has been wasting people's time here with their posts, you have the option to simply NOT RESPOND to them. If you feel that Romeo is just playing games here out of boredom, then DON'T RESPOND. Not every post merits every member of the forum to come and offer an opinion. The last I knew, Agingcare doesn't offer a discount to posters who reach a quota of responses in a week or month.
I did not see the original thread but all the people doubling down and telling the OP they deserved what they got sure seems like bullying to me. We're all adults here, if you don't like someone or disagree then just walk away (or in forum terms, hit the "unfollow" button)
The difference between us nacy, I don't need therapy because someone else acts like a j@ck@ss, I deal with it face to face and I walk away if people choose to continue to be ugly, I don't complain to others and feel heard, i get heard by the person I have a problem with. That's what being a grown up means, imo.
And to deal with you saying, that's not what I was saying, that it is the victims fault, yes, that's exactly what you said. But, any justification will work when you are looking for one.
"I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but I do feel that anyone that has been bullied, should look inside themselves to see why. We all have been there, wether it's the work place, or family, or friends, or on social media.
We have to look inside are selves to figure out why and how to change it. To prevent it from happening again.
We need to step back and look at the big picture"
These are your words from your post. I don't think I "twisted" them at all.
As I said, if you have issues with THIS particular poster - and I haven't followed the posts, so I am not saying those issues aren't justified - then call out this individual instance and this individual poster. Don't use blanket terms like "anyone who has been bullied", and then get upset when people question the term.
So sorry for creating such a problem on this forum. I know what "emotional" abuse is all about - my brother - period. My mother was and is a good person, just a "helicopter" parent who now turned out to be needy and yes she wants everything done NOW - she was always like that. As for me not taking care of my husband and being so called, not being there for him - that is bull...! I take care of my FAMILY is right! I cook gourmet meals every night for him and now that he can't eat - that is killing me! My husband is WELL taken care of - I even lint his socks off - an obsession of mine - absolutely, but he has taken care of me with my issues. He loves my parents, and he understands that we are all not perfect. We have issues like everyone else in the world does. I'm the one that has the biggest issue to deal with and I'm trying to work on it. My mother just asked me to keep them company upstairs and I said no mom - I'm trying to rearrange a my closets and I'm watching tennis. I'm trying so hard to be strong - ok?
Romeo, I just want to apologize, I didn't mean what I said the way it was taken.
First of all, I don't remember and honestly don't care who said that about your husband, but I will say when I read it I didn't agree and understand your anger.
I will also add, that you have away of annoying people on here. For me it's the way I pored my heart out to you and stuck up for you, then felt laughed at by you.
I do think you are not finding peace in your life and a bit addicted to drama, and I do not mean that in a bad sence, its happened to me, to many people.
I don't plan on going on your post anymore, because I don't want the drama from anyone anymore.
I also do think we often create are own drama, and do teach those around us how to treat us. Your parents are not young so that's more difficult to change them.
But I wish you well, peace, and happiness. And continue the work you are doing with your life and kick it up a notch or 10.
I don't believe that we all, on Forum, have to like one another. It would be ridiculous to expect such a thing. But I do think we should RESPECT one another, and I think that I have yet again failed in that.
I believe that I personally am the "bully" that Romeo is complaining about. I said some mean things, and have been told before I tend toward mean. So I apologize, Romeo. Things I have said to you were uncalled for and were out of place on this Forum.
I am 82. If by now I have not learned to scroll away from things that annoy me without feeling a need to expound at length, there may not be a whole lot of hope for me. But I can TRY to do better, and will promise you I will attempt that.
The reason I think that my mean comments were THE mean comments is that I believe that they were reported and removed. I take seriously our admins critiques.
Another here in a private message told me that while I claim that my tough love is kindly meant, I come across often like the abuser husband who tells his wife he hurt her for her own good. What she said to me initially hurt and angered me. After a few weeks of thinking on it I feel I must OWN what she believes of me, and her criticism is VALID.
I am a lover of Dr Laura (who the rest of the world seems to love to hate) and I have often been most helped by a few hard knocks upside the head; who knows, it's likely a hard hard head. Dense perhaps. I still think our sympathy often doesn't help folks move on to real help. BUT I have known when I was swinging toward "mean girl" and I didn't monitor myself. I am a bit prideful. A lover of words. A smart alec. To which Dr. Laura would say "We have quite enough SMART people in this world; what we don't have enough of is KIND people".
So, Romeo, I apologize. My behavior was bad and uncalled for. I will scroll on and leave you to those on Forum who can better help you, and I will wish you the best. I will also say, that in a very real sense, your parents are lucky to have you in the building, and some day you may just feel happy and proud you could help them in this way. You're good at remembering dialog and I think you could write a heck of a book just by conversations. Did you ever read Roz Chast's book "Can't we Talk About Something More Pleasant? You would LOVE it! It's one of those illustrated books, and it's so funny. She is a cartoonist for the New Yorker. I think I will never get over her mom's story of her fall "I was doing the stork thing, putting on my pants". I hope your hubby does really well! He's a gem. But you know that. Take care.
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I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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There are people that truly want to help!! People that care, people that take time out of there lives to help others, not because they are addicted to social media.
But because they want to help people with things that they may have been though. That's why many of us are here.
All you want to do is ask or vent and take no advice.
I'm going to be honest I see you as rather way to much into yourself, others need help to.
And I don't see you ever helping another person or even attempt to.
It's all about you always.
I'm trying not to get angry here, but I'm sitting at the doctors, while my mom is getting a covid test. Life is not all about you all the time.
Others have issues and problems too.
In both those cases admin decided there was nothing further to be said. Same as your previous threads, which you’ve had a considerable amount of leash on.
Easy to be mean when you dont hear a persons voice, look at their face, their eyes etc
Same reason road rage is an issue. People would rarely be that mean to each other in direct contact, but in cars you are behind a veil
You do have a lot of drama in your life, I can say that.
Nothing is more frustrating than listening to an OP shoot down all suggestions either insisting they tried that or knowing it just won't work...and we all know they haven't tried it, they just want to complain and not put in the effort to make a change happen.
This isn't a forum for patting someone of the back for being a martyr. We are trying to give real life perspectives on real issues. But if you refuse to take any action people will get short with you.
The cherry on top of this tall sundae is for you to return here and believe you are the victim . I’m sure you learned to play the victim role very well from your mother.
People tire of this , just like people tire of alcoholics , drug addicts etc . who don’t try to improve .
You have to want to make changes or people will walk away .
Now they are 90+ you want to set boundaries? I understand, your a Senior too with health problems of your own and your tired. Tell them that. You don't have the energy to cater to their every whim.
You either have a "come to Jesus talk" with Mom and Dad or except this is your life until they die. And your poor husband, he is a Saint. He is looked over and does not seem to complain. He must really love you.
You were shut down because your postings go no where. You just complain. This is a forum for those with problems they had no part in causing and need help. You caused your own problems by allowing your parents to be too involved in your life. Now you are suffering the consequences.
Then I stood my ground & stood up for myself. That worked. It worked again at 12 & has done ever since.
Now you're posting again, trying to convince us you're the victim, after getting tons and tons of useful advice?
Many of us have been forum members for a number of years, not because we like social media so much. But because we've walked a hard road with our loved ones and come here to share those experiences with others who are struggling. Not to play games or give 24/7 advice to people who are just fooling around online wasting time and don't really want it. Reddit is a much better place for that type of drama than AC. I suggest you take your future questions there.
https://www.agingcare.com/aboutus/member-comment-policy
I have been in your shoes, you need to learn to ignore it or grow thicker skin when dealing with posters that attack you for not following their opinions and advice.
We have to look inside are selves to figure out why and how to change it. To prevent it from happening again.
We need to step back and look at the big picture
On this forum please just report the posts that concern you, its a good system and it works.
This forum is supposed to be for people in your shoes, if it helps you, keep posting, who cares what
others say or if they respond to you or not.
But absolutely, if you feel disrespected, go to counseling to figure out why and how to change it.
I understand what you are saying and I'm sorry, but Google things like how to get respect on the job, or anything and there is loades of information on how to gain respect.
Like just for instance, do what you say your going to do. don't promise things and say I'm coming to your party and don't show.
Don't say over and over you will get counseling and don't get it.
I myself put much time and energy, thought, love and caring into Romeo, and most of all patients. To get pretty much laughed and told we are funny.
I'm hurt and a bit annoyed.
As for your question, I hundred percent believe a person that is not being respected should get therapy and figure out why.
Because, quite frankly, then it's not a great leap to "well, no WONDER you were sexually assaulted, look at what you're wearing/where you're walking/who you're hanging out with" or "well of course your spouse beat you up, look at the dirty house/what you made for dinner/what you said to him/her".
Do you really think people who have been/are being chronically bullied haven't thought long and hard about their own behavior, and what they can do to reduce the incidents?
If you feel THIS particular poster isn't being (hasn't been) bullied in THIS particular incident, that's one thing. But that blanket statement you made is utterly ridiculous, and is, quite frankly, blaming the victims.
If you feel THIS poster has been wasting people's time here with their posts, you have the option to simply NOT RESPOND to them. If you feel that Romeo is just playing games here out of boredom, then DON'T RESPOND. Not every post merits every member of the forum to come and offer an opinion. The last I knew, Agingcare doesn't offer a discount to posters who reach a quota of responses in a week or month.
And I did not respond to many and should not of responded to this either.
I do believe that in a sence, we teach people how to treat us.
And to deal with you saying, that's not what I was saying, that it is the victims fault, yes, that's exactly what you said. But, any justification will work when you are looking for one.
We have to look inside are selves to figure out why and how to change it. To prevent it from happening again.
We need to step back and look at the big picture"
These are your words from your post. I don't think I "twisted" them at all.
As I said, if you have issues with THIS particular poster - and I haven't followed the posts, so I am not saying those issues aren't justified - then call out this individual instance and this individual poster. Don't use blanket terms like "anyone who has been bullied", and then get upset when people question the term.
First of all, I don't remember and honestly don't care who said that about your husband, but I will say when I read it I didn't agree and understand your anger.
I will also add, that you have away of annoying people on here. For me it's the way I pored my heart out to you and stuck up for you, then felt laughed at by you.
I do think you are not finding peace in your life and a bit addicted to drama, and I do not mean that in a bad sence, its happened to me, to many people.
I don't plan on going on your post anymore, because I don't want the drama from anyone anymore.
I also do think we often create are own drama, and do teach those around us how to treat us. Your parents are not young so that's more difficult to change them.
But I wish you well, peace, and happiness. And continue the work you are doing with your life and kick it up a notch or 10.
😊🙏🙂↕️
I believe that I personally am the "bully" that Romeo is complaining about.
I said some mean things, and have been told before I tend toward mean.
So I apologize, Romeo. Things I have said to you were uncalled for and were out of place on this Forum.
I am 82. If by now I have not learned to scroll away from things that annoy me without feeling a need to expound at length, there may not be a whole lot of hope for me. But I can TRY to do better, and will promise you I will attempt that.
The reason I think that my mean comments were THE mean comments is that I believe that they were reported and removed. I take seriously our admins critiques.
Another here in a private message told me that while I claim that my tough love is kindly meant, I come across often like the abuser husband who tells his wife he hurt her for her own good. What she said to me initially hurt and angered me. After a few weeks of thinking on it I feel I must OWN what she believes of me, and her criticism is VALID.
I am a lover of Dr Laura (who the rest of the world seems to love to hate) and I have often been most helped by a few hard knocks upside the head; who knows, it's likely a hard hard head. Dense perhaps. I still think our sympathy often doesn't help folks move on to real help.
BUT I have known when I was swinging toward "mean girl" and I didn't monitor myself. I am a bit prideful. A lover of words. A smart alec. To which Dr. Laura would say "We have quite enough SMART people in this world; what we don't have enough of is KIND people".
So, Romeo, I apologize. My behavior was bad and uncalled for.
I will scroll on and leave you to those on Forum who can better help you, and I will wish you the best. I will also say, that in a very real sense, your parents are lucky to have you in the building, and some day you may just feel happy and proud you could help them in this way. You're good at remembering dialog and I think you could write a heck of a book just by conversations. Did you ever read Roz Chast's book "Can't we Talk About Something More Pleasant? You would LOVE it! It's one of those illustrated books, and it's so funny. She is a cartoonist for the New Yorker. I think I will never get over her mom's story of her fall "I was doing the stork thing, putting on my pants".
I hope your hubby does really well! He's a gem. But you know that. Take care.