Husband lost 30 lbs from stricture. Had throat stretched. His mother passed then legal issues with his sister. He hardly eats. He is currently maintaining his weight of 128 lbs. He went on Prozac for depression. Now he sleeps 2/3 of the day and eats just enough to sustain life at his low weight. He is driving me crazy, I constantly worry he will die. His blood work is all good.
If stretching his throat helped with stricture, and his further emotional problems are not satisfactorily being addressed with medications, have you considered cognitive therapy?
You can be caring and supportive, but become a health nut for yourself. Become powerful for yourself. You need to be strong to deal with all situations. Don't let jack make you crazy. Zoom-out and soberly see the bigger picture.
You husband is on anti depressants. If one doesn't work another one may. Other than your support and good wishes there is nothing you can do but keep good MD followup and stand ready to help him any way he asks you to.
I would caution you not to burden your husband further with your worry. I saw this in my Dad's last years. He leveled with me that he was simply exhausted with life and ready to go. That he was well satisfied with his life; it had been a good one. But he was ready. My mom's getting him on the scales, waking him out of naps (his happiest times was when he could just sleep), keeping him at a table laden with food was a burden to him. She loved him so much, and knowing that he accepted her worry, but it was but one more burden on a very exhausted man. So try instead to bring some laughter and lightness to his world. Read to him. Watch funny movies together and share sipping a homemade milkshake.
I wish you the best.
Perhaps some in home support so that you can get out for some much needed normalizing self care ?
Also,
Consider,
Regular counseling for you with your faith leader of choice , a community chaplain and, or a social worker or grief support .......
Does spouse perhaps need some type of facility " respite" care to both give him some additional support/ counseling etc AND provide you with a much needed break?
If he is a veteran speak with VA about in home care services etc etc other services via VA.
No easy answers but some thoughts to ponder....
I am not a doctor but it sounds like "something" needs adjustment. Medications could be too strong for his body weight. Although you can't stop taking meds cold turkey as usually a doctor will "wean" the patient gradually to the right dosage.
Another consideration if there is not enough serotonin going to the brain inhibitors that can cause a serious depression. Have you tried a Geriatric Neuro Psychologist? Check out all of your doctors online with your State Medical Board.
Your husband is only 65. You both cannot continue like this. Once the dust settles and the meds are controlled and you see what you are working with, with hubby, join the Y or simply grab your sneakers and go out for a daily stroll.
Have the Church people visit. Put your husband's "first name" on your local Church prayer list. Try to get your husband on a schedule, Early-to-bed, early-to-rise. A blender, applesauce for meds if they are allowed to be crushed and soups--the broth will give him nutrition. Hold his hand and tell him we will get through this. This is just a rough patch you are going through and a Season of Blessings will come. (Medical, Church, Exercise)
It may take time but you are both in my prayers. My mother has Lewy Body Dementia, your story is/was similar to mine, today me and Mom are going out for lunch to celebrate Mother's Day. Mom can dress herself, will put lipstick on and will use her Up Walker Lite. It wasn't always this way so don't get discouraged. With the right team and meds you can get your husband up and running again.
Mom was like a statue during the Pandemic. Now she is a different person, it took time and the right adjustments but it really is a miracle.
I find the men prefer male doctors. Don't let him sit in the laz-a-boy and watch CNN all day with the same shirt on. Open the windows, fresh air, flowers on the table give him chores to do. Keep him busy. But first you have to get the serotonin to the brain so he can move around.
You can also have a physical therapist come to the house. Again, request a man. These things altogether work. Once he is up on his feet, volunteer work or a p/t job. Men love Lowe's Hardware and Home Depot. They are always hiring.
You are a good woman and I hope that I was of some help to you. Don't be afraid there is assistance out there. See what's covered under your husband's health insurance and work from there.
Amen...
OK, that's a sexist, blatant statement, but I have had so many experiences with depressed men who choose to 'ride it out'--much to the detriment of the family/marriage dynamic.
My DH was told after months and months of simply lying in bed, sleeping 23 hrs a day, that if he did not seek mental health care, I was going to leave him. (Not divorce, just leave).
He did, started on AD's that helped tremendously and saw a therapist for about a year. She moved on and he didn't pursue finding a new one. It didn't 'cure him' by any means, but it helped and made him more amenable to seeking help and to be not so judgmental about the fact I have needed AD's and therapy for many years.
After his mom passes, I am going to encourage him to seek grief counseling. His method of coping with all the 'feels' is to be super snarky and mean to me (thereby shutting me down and making me not want to be with him, which is what he wants) or by sleeping copious amounts of time.
It could be that the AD your hubby is on is not working. It's a crapshoot. I personally think my DH should be on WellButrin, since it worked well for him in the past. He takes Zoloft and while it's OK, he could feel better.
Have you talked to him about his end of life wishes? Have you asked him if eating is still painful or uncomfortable?
I would be depressed too if the basic life requirement of eating was painful or uncomfortable with each meal. Honestly it sounds like torture.
You stated that since taking Prozac, he sleeps a lot and eats very little - which very well could be a side effect from the medication. A very close guy friend of mine is currently battling cancer and undergoing treatment, and his doctor also prescribed an antidepressant, but he made sure to do so under the direction of either a psychiatrist or pharmacologist - a regular doctor doesn't have the same expertise in choosing the right antidepressant and monitoring the person thru the process.
It sounds like your husband would really benefit from therapy - for his grief for his mother's passing - and the stress from the other situations he was dealing with - he should talk it out with a professional. You may want to initially join him, as well.
Sleeping a majority of the day is only going to add to his depression - everyone needs purpose in their life - as well as a positive distraction for the sadness that he experienced - to help lift his mood. Having support from close friends, family members, volunteering, pet therapy, involving himself in some interests/hobbies, exercising, work, etc - whatever it is to give him reason to get out of bed.
It's a process and I hope your husband knows that there's support out there - he's not alone - and life will get better...one step at a time.
Wishing you both all the very best for happy days ahead ~
You sound frantic with worry about your husband and his issues.
What does his doctor say? Is s/he dismissing your concerns about his depression, weight loss and over-sleeping?
Would you be reassured by a second opinion? It might be very worth your while to get a second doctor to take a look.
Please let us know how you and you dear husband (dh) are doing.
Have you considered speaking with a therapist about how you feel?
How long has your husband been dealing with depression? Did it start before his mother’s death? Did your mother in law live with you before she died? Has he spoken with a therapist about his grief? Are you considering leaving your marriage?