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I have to get her meals but we had a huge fight that I order her and control, which I am sick to death of doing. I relinquished yesterday as I am tired of the fighting. She only consumed under 600 calories yesterday. Is that enough to sustain life?
Does your mom have dementia? Have you told her doctor about the food battles? I can't think of a better way to get someone NOT to want to eat than by telling them that they have to eat.
Offer her foods she likes, with variety and nutrition taken into consideration. The doctor told HER she needed 1000 calories day, right? Whether she choses to consume them is within her locus of control, not yours.
Depends how fat she is, and in what general state of health. But not indefinitely, no. Quite a while though.
This is very challenging territory that you're on, here, and I sympathise. Try to see it from your mother's point of view - how would you like to be nagged and fought with if you had no appetite but someone was trying to make you eat? - and meanwhile look on that 1,000 kC figure as a target rather than The Law.
Also, from a philosophical point of view, your mother is 92. Let her eat what she likes, supplement it with Ensure or similar if she'll drink it, or a simple multivitamin if she'd rather, and be a bit sneaky about how you get calories into her. For example, it can be quite a nice change to reach for the butter and the full-fat milk and cream cheese and put cream on her fruit salad... 😋 What are her favourite foods? Better she eats plenty of whatever she enjoys than a grudging mouthful of whatever a dietitian advises.
For your own peace of mind, record what she eats but don't count the calories every day or you'll drive yourself round the bend - tot them up once a week or so, or if you're asked for the data.
Never mind the calories watch the weight. 600 calories will sustain life but she will likely loose weight. Totally let her eat exactly what she chooses but try and slip some protein in. For example make some bread and add an egg as part of the liquid. you can also whip one into home made soup. At 92 she is approaching the end of life anyway and not being hungryis part of the process. I am not saying she is dying right now but it will happen sometime. Lots of little tasty snacks. How about a piece of smoked salmon on a square of toast. Try and make everything small. Tiny cup of coffee, small pretty plate with a 2 yr old size portion of easy to eat main meal. Don't make her come to the table if she does not want to. Let her eat in her comfy chair or in bed.
jocelyn56, excellent advice from the posters above. I also believe when a parent is in their advanced years, let them eat what they enjoy.... unless there is a medical issue where one cannot have certain items due to being diabetic, etc.
As we age, we all will start to lose our sense of taste. Food will taste blah. My parents lived into their mid to late 90's, and my Mom's grocery list had a ton of sweets. I figured they reached that far age, they must have been doing something right. But Mom was also big on low sodium, even to the point of buying no sodium soup which had little taste at all. Dad ate the soups even though he disliked them, but he knew there would be pie and ice cream for desert :)
My parents also used fake butter which tasted blah to me... give me the real butter. It's not like we are eating the whole tub at one sitting.
There can also be food related health issues that could make one not eat a lot. Issues with teeth hurting when eating. Issues with acid-reflux after having certain acid foods. That makes one's throat feel like it is on fire.... Tums help quickly.
Keep a journal on what foods Mom doesn't want and see if there is a relationship between the foods. Such as diary products. As we get older, our stomachs no longer tolerate milk, cottage cheese, regular cheese, ice cream, etc. For myself, I use LACTAID® products. They make a wonderful chocolate ice cream :)
Yes to all the above. Think added calories with everything she eats and offer calorie dense snacks throughout the day rather than focusing on 3 squares - nut butter on crackers, cheese with fruit, a large pat of butter on toast with jam cut into tiny wedges. Desserts are good; chocolate, ice cream, custards made with egg yolks and light cream. Soups are a great place to hide extra calories, add in pureed meats to broth soups, real cream to creamy ones. And pay attention to the textures she likes, she may be having trouble eating because she can't easily swallow some foods and liquids (dysphagia).
Thank you all. Great advice. I give her what she likes I add protein powder whenever possible. She does have lower denture issues but can manage ruffles. Her staple is pepsi with everything. I am relinquishing any and all control. I never wanted it. She had always been pretty thin and a fat shamer so that is something I have to get passed. Oh those old memories. They really suck seeing them reemerge
Thank you all. Great advice. I give her what she likes I add protein powder whenever possible. She does have lower denture issues but can manage ruffles. Her staple is pepsi with everything. I am relinquishing any and all control. I never wanted it. She had always been pretty thin and a fat shamer so that is something I have to get passed. Oh those old memories. They really suck seeing them reemerge
Protein powder is good. I'm sure you know already those Ensure Plus drinks are 350 calories each. I gave my dad 2 a day when he was significantly underweight and he gained about 30 pounds over the next year. And if there's no issue with sugar, that Coke float sounds delicious and about 300 calories, I'd guess.
Oh, hey, come to think of it, during that time I was trying to put weight on my dad, I started a thread for high-calorie foods that elders can eat easily, since it's a useful topic. This is link to that one, but there are several others under similar search terms. https://www.agingcare.com/questions/foods-for-weight-gain-elder-has-no-teeth-178481.htm
My husband and I care for his mom in our house. She is 91. I always try to have her favorite foods around, she has two waffles in the morning, a sandwich at lunch and whatever I make for dinner. I always keep fruit on the table, bananas, grapes, pears, raisin bread, soft food that she can snack on during the day when she is hungry. I also add other proteins in during the week. She wears dentures also. She has dementia so she has a writing tablet on the dining room table that we encourage her to write down everything she eats because she forgets what she eats right after she eats it. This way we have record of what she is eating and when she starts to go for that 3rd banana, we can remind her that she already had 2 of them that day or she comes out for lunch, remind her she already ate lunch. She eats out of boredom and forgetfulness but is only a little overweight. It is important for them to have some say in what they eat as they lose so many other choices they used to have.
My husband and I care for his mom in our house. She is 91. I always try to have her favorite foods around, she has two waffles in the morning, a sandwich at lunch and whatever I make for dinner. I always keep fruit on the table, bananas, grapes, pears, raisin bread, soft food that she can snack on during the day when she is hungry. I also add other proteins in during the week. She wears dentures also. She has dementia so she has a writing tablet on the dining room table that we encourage her to write down everything she eats because she forgets what she eats right after she eats it. This way we have record of what she is eating and when she starts to go for that 3rd banana, we can remind her that she already had 2 of them that day or she comes out for lunch, remind her she already ate lunch. She eats out of boredom and forgetfulness but is only a little overweight. It is important for them to have some say in what they eat as they lose so many other choices they used to have.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I can't think of a better way to get someone NOT to want to eat than by telling them that they have to eat.
Offer her foods she likes, with variety and nutrition taken into consideration. The doctor told HER she needed 1000 calories day, right? Whether she choses to consume them is within her locus of control, not yours.
This is very challenging territory that you're on, here, and I sympathise. Try to see it from your mother's point of view - how would you like to be nagged and fought with if you had no appetite but someone was trying to make you eat? - and meanwhile look on that 1,000 kC figure as a target rather than The Law.
Also, from a philosophical point of view, your mother is 92. Let her eat what she likes, supplement it with Ensure or similar if she'll drink it, or a simple multivitamin if she'd rather, and be a bit sneaky about how you get calories into her. For example, it can be quite a nice change to reach for the butter and the full-fat milk and cream cheese and put cream on her fruit salad... 😋 What are her favourite foods? Better she eats plenty of whatever she enjoys than a grudging mouthful of whatever a dietitian advises.
For your own peace of mind, record what she eats but don't count the calories every day or you'll drive yourself round the bend - tot them up once a week or so, or if you're asked for the data.
600 calories will sustain life but she will likely loose weight.
Totally let her eat exactly what she chooses but try and slip some protein in. For example make some bread and add an egg as part of the liquid. you can also whip one into home made soup.
At 92 she is approaching the end of life anyway and not being hungryis part of the process. I am not saying she is dying right now but it will happen sometime. Lots of little tasty snacks. How about a piece of smoked salmon on a square of toast. Try and make everything small. Tiny cup of coffee, small pretty plate with a 2 yr old size portion of easy to eat main meal. Don't make her come to the table if she does not want to. Let her eat in her comfy chair or in bed.
As we age, we all will start to lose our sense of taste. Food will taste blah. My parents lived into their mid to late 90's, and my Mom's grocery list had a ton of sweets. I figured they reached that far age, they must have been doing something right. But Mom was also big on low sodium, even to the point of buying no sodium soup which had little taste at all. Dad ate the soups even though he disliked them, but he knew there would be pie and ice cream for desert :)
My parents also used fake butter which tasted blah to me... give me the real butter. It's not like we are eating the whole tub at one sitting.
There can also be food related health issues that could make one not eat a lot. Issues with teeth hurting when eating. Issues with acid-reflux after having certain acid foods. That makes one's throat feel like it is on fire.... Tums help quickly.
Keep a journal on what foods Mom doesn't want and see if there is a relationship between the foods. Such as diary products. As we get older, our stomachs no longer tolerate milk, cottage cheese, regular cheese, ice cream, etc. For myself, I use LACTAID® products. They make a wonderful chocolate ice cream :)
Oh, hey, come to think of it, during that time I was trying to put weight on my dad, I started a thread for high-calorie foods that elders can eat easily, since it's a useful topic. This is link to that one, but there are several others under similar search terms. https://www.agingcare.com/questions/foods-for-weight-gain-elder-has-no-teeth-178481.htm