My mother is 97 and wheelchair bound due to a failed hip surgery 13 years ago. Since then she has been in assisted living, but only in Memory Care since April 2024. The past year has been terrible with her exhibiting delirium from UTI's, multiple doctor's visits, and an emergency room visit because the staff thought she had a stroke. No stroke, but her behavior, memory and ability to understand and listen to me and the AL staff changed radically. She was moved to MC and placed on hospice. after the ER visit. During a very, very bad delirium that lasted for several days in July that included her diving out of her wheelchair onto the floor she developed a bedsore that is slowly healing. Since July she is confused on many things, but not about her wanting to go the dentist. 3 years ago she lost a tooth, and then ran over her bridge with her wheelchair resulting in big gap in upper teeth. At that time, before dementia set in, she did not want to go the dentist. I tried several times to get her to go, but she did not want to spend the money. Her lack of upper teeth is not visible when she talks, and she has been able to eat without a problem. Now she is demanding I take her to the dentist. She says she is having a hard time eating. I think this can be addressed with a softer diet. I don't feel like starting any type of advanced dental replacement is the right thing to do now, and I am not sure if as a hospice patient it is even allowed. The staff at the MC and hospice are keeping her comfortable with pain meds, changing her position, using the airflow mattress. To me, getting this healed is the #1 priority. Am I wrong? How do I tell her that the dentist is not an option?
If she's on Medicaid it may be possible for the facility to have a mobile dentist come there and tell her some realistic news. If her teeth aren't causing her pain, and she can still eat enough, then I don't know what is driving her wanting this except vanity. Honestly I don't blame her... I think having bad teeth is like looking at a beautiful house with broken windows.
Dental work and repairs costs thousands of dollars, and many appointments. You can tell her a therapeutic fib: that the dentist appointment is months out so she has to wait, especially if she doesn't have the funds or insurance.
You get the picture. Just make sure now though that the facility is either pureeing her food or only giving her soft foods so she won't have any issues eating, and worse aspirating.
And yes her bedsore should be your main concern as they often can be the start of the end.
I wish you well as you do what is best for your mother.
You're not wrong, of course.
Best of luck to you.
Do they have a dentist at her SNF who could just look her over and say, "Your mouth looks fine. You just need to eat softer food."?
Rinse and Repeat .