Abuse of caregiver. Advice?

"Indeed". How interesting that turn of phrase. It believe it is British. So the troll is from England? hmmmn. Did not accept because is not in the situation. Looking for the money.

No real detective skills, indeed. Ladies, you don't have your facts straight. You were led to believe by Midkid that I refused an offer of help, but, in fact, I did not refuse at all. I wasn't sure what I should do or how I should respond to her kind offer. So I asked her what i should do. Should I really impose myself and my 4 cats on someone I didn't know without a car to go anywhere in? What if she lived in a very small house? She might mean only for a night or two. What if she doesn't really like cats? So many things to consider....i am not comfortable just moving in with someone. So, tempted to accept the offer but unsure, I asked Midkid in a private message, "what do you think I should do?" Maybe not the best response, but I did indeed thank her for her kind offer. She never responded to my question, and truthfully, ladies. Considering the feedback and criticism I've received through this forum. I'd be hesitant to make a decision like that on the spot. No refusal, however, no refusal at all. Thank you again.

I have no idea....a place to stay is refused by this woman! Unbelievable!

Jumie, I know! I read that too! How very kind and generous! Now, why in the world wouldn't she take her up on such a wonderful gesture? Hmm, something fishy going on here!

Stacey B/ this poster has an actually offer from one of the wonderful caretakers on this site, an offer for a place to stay! with a relative or someone the caretaker knows. My bet is that this almost never happens on the internet. And the poster refused. Says it all.
Good thing: Lots of wonderful, loving people in this world. This is heartwarming.

Na, no real detective skills needed, you were easy to figure out from the get go! Seek help, now act!

Wow, ladies. Many of you appear to have missed your callings. If I were you. I'd shuck the caregiving gigs and become detectives.

I don't understand why you don't take the advice so many people have given you and just Leave? You seem to be making excuses as to why you can't, and now, people are becoming very wary on what it is that you actually want? You do understand that nobody on this site can actually physically help you right? You have been given so many suggestions, but now seem to intend to stay there, til the last possible day, furthering your suffering, and putting yourself and your cats at risk of harm. Hopefully you will take action to actually help yourself and get out of there! Good luck on your endeavors! Maybe once you get settled, youcan let eeveryone here who has tried to help you, know that you are safe.

*** we finally get what this abusive person is doing and she then attacks us.

Obviously a troll who is an abuser. Naricissitc personality disorder or break with reality. NPD : attack. get found out. apologize. this is the cycle of abuse and you do it. Playing poor me, then getting a real offer of a place to stay from a woman on this site and refusing it? Obvious troll but an abusive troll, too. The stories are fiction. What the abuser does: reels you in, you finally get what they are doing and they attack you, DALLASMT does THIS. and then you apologize to get in our good graces again. Abusers choose people who are kind and trusting so a caregiving site is perfect. I have seen you on here (possibly you) under different names with stories of abuse, etc. All outlandish. All not to be believed. Stopped reading through the drivel. Too much to get through. If the story were real, the police, the shelters, someone would really have helped a sick, unable to walk caregiver? who is being abused with no bed, the police would see the room and know. And something about not using the bathroom. wtf.

Vstefans: Agreed! I think this is the person a LOT of us have tried to help.

No, it's not just you. Mine is a weird, unbelievable story. Finally, however, I am no longer surprised at what this lowly human being does to me--to elevate himself, he thinks, and put me in a lower, more humiliating position EVERY DAY. I was served with eviction papers by the constable this morning. He is like a small child who delights in my "descent" into the lower depths of human existence. He has taken everything he can away from me--TV privileges, computer privileges, ANY household privileges.....food, sleep, even mobility........and in his warped, perverted mind, he is elevated somehow, I guess by self-perceived control. He has manipulated this situation from me being hired as companion/aide/caregiver for his ailing mother to me being evicted on grounds that I'm a "deadbeat" tenant who refuses to pay rent. Yes, he is evicting me on grounds that I refuse to pay rent, which of course I never have because i was HIRED and paid to live here and do a job. I've done that Jo EVERY DAY for 2.5 years. Now I am faced with eviction and a court date. The constable told me that the court date was set for 11/19, which means that if I "lose," I will be forced to leave on 11/23.y possessions will B placed on the street, causing me further humiliation. That seems to be what he enjoys--a sense of pride based on my demise. After the papers were served, he asked me if I still planned on being out by the 15th, which is the date he decided I needed to be out as of yesterday. I dont know exactly what I'm going to do now, but I know that this does not surprise me. He must be the most insecure man. After all, he doesn't work, he lives off his mother's money by poa and money management powers given to him. He is the sole beneficiary in her will, and she has substantial resources. Her second marriage was to a very wealthy man who died about 10 years ago, and although he has 3 brothers, he has managed to have them excluded from any inheritance. So now, I guess, maybe I stand in the way of his "plan." And, of course, there are steps I could take to make his plans change, at the very least. Not sure how I'm going to handle this--some people just have to be ugly. His mother serves as his role model. She has sued people who got in her way throughout her life. Her office I FILLED with legal documents concerning lawsuits against individuals and companies who crossed her over the years, and bankruptcies where she didn't disclose her assets and her lawyers were reprimanding her. I could go on. Suffice to say that these people have remained untouched, for the most part, by life's minor inconveniences. They just plow over everyone in their way. They think they are better than everyone else; in fact, the ONE THING that can make her angrier than ANYTHING ELSE is for me to tell her that we were created equal by our God. She will argue to her death that that is not true. Ladies, I guess it doesn't matter if you believe the veracity of my story. These are the facts. Maybe whoever reads tho should just be aware that people can act tho way. I would never have believed it myself before it happened to me. I couldn't make this stuff up. I came here as a caregiver, sincerely hoping i could help this woman and bring joy into her dismal life post-stroke. I tried SO HARD to sprinkle joy, laughter, and peace into the house each day, and now I realize how foolish I was and what a futile effort it was. These people were laughing at me and manipulating me from the very start, and i made it so easy for them to plow over me and become their doormat, and worse. They delight in the misery of others, unaware that they are still miserable. All I can say is that i will survive, and I will be okay. I have a God who loves me and has great, wonderful plans for my life. I guess I had to learn these sad lessons before I could move on to a better life. I KNOW my life will be better than this--a lot better. Thank you for listening. Thank you SO MUCH for listening and trying to help me. I'm sorry if you feel I have wasted your time.

Is this a forum where caregivers express opinions, seek advice, and say what's on their mind? Although a wealth of information is available on this site, I do see several posts about frustration, anger, resentment, pet peeves, emotional issues, and caregivers asking for advice on a number of topics. When caregivers on this site say they want to wring someone's neck or pull their hair out, do you tell them to cut the hyperbole and get real, or what? I've been "bashed" every day for the past 2 years by a world-class basher. That's not what I signed up for with my job. And that's not what I signed up for when I came to this site. The site encourages caregivers to speak what's on their mind, but you only want to hear it up to a certain point. I can understand and go along with that. Toda, after being served with eviction papers by the constable for non-payment of rent at my place of employment, a job/duties I took very seriously and never paid rent, nor did I subsequently become a deadbeat tenant who refused to pay rent. Yet the constable today thought exactly that--that i was a deadbeat tenant who refused to pay rent. They see it all the time. So, I was offended by that, and i needed to talk about it. Sorry you didn't like it. When I say I can't walk, I mean I can't walk. Walking bent over at the waist or crawling IS NOT WALKING. Again, so sorry you didn't like that either. My cats were less than 2 feet away from that toxic pesticide bomb when it was activated. When I entered my room, picked it up, and threw it over the balcony, I vomited, coughed, and spit up for an hour and a half. How they weren't more adversely affected is a blessing, a miracle, and a mystery. There is a leak in the roof of my closet, but it's not big enough to provide adequate ventilation for a highly concentrated pesticide dispersal in a small room. It IS large enough to that several inches of water are collected in a bucket on the floor when it rains. But you didn't like that stuff, either. I have apologized on MANY, MANY posts here that I have written. So, again, I am SO SORRY that you don't care for the things I say or the way I say them. If I hunger for additional abuse in the future, I will return to this site. For now, my need has been satisfied. Thank you, and good night.

Dallas, that's the point, you ARE, as a human being, worthy of love and support. And I am going to say something else - why did you just write several paragraphs about how bad these people are? We don't really care about them, to be brutally honest. We ARE moved to care about you, and if we didn't care and hadn't spent time and energy caring - which BTW is never "a waste" - no one would have been upset about not being able to make sense out of your story.

Look. Specific example. It sounds like you can walk, but you mean it hurts you to walk. You seem articulate, so people take what you write at face value and when it is not literally true they blow you off. What I mean is the ambulance shows up , they see./hear a woman who saying "I can't walk" and either walking with a limp that looks exaggerated or crawling when she obviously has the strength to walk and is not paralyzed. The flea bomb in your room - there was a hole in the closet so no one was going to die of the toxicity but you were calling it attempted murder.
You are not going to get a statement of residence because that could entitle you to live there longer. You MIGHT get some boxes or bags or a cart for your stuff out of him if it got you out of there a day early. If they think they are better off without you, that's their problem if they are wrong. You are not responsible for them. You are responsible for you. You did not get the help you wanted because no one else saw you as unable to pick up what's left of your self respect, and your cats, and leave. This guy wants you gone and gone ASAP. Never mind what it does or does not do for his ego or his soul - he has simply and obviously been trying to force you out, and now that he has the law behind him, he will succeed, because he owns the place and you don't. Pack your stuff, whatever you have left, decide what is most worth keeping that you can carry, pick up what's left of your self-esteem, and yes, move on to something better - the worst homeless shelter in the city is going to be in better shape than an unfurnished room with a hole in the closet and wet and cold and probably moldy, being beat up and yelled at daily. A tent or even a decent cardboard box would beat what you are living in now. The worst humiliation is what you have already been through. The humiliation of also being evicted is irrelevant at this point. Turn off the drama machine, once and for all. No more BS.

For shame's sake. Nobody deserves to be treated like that dallasm.

No, it's not just you. Mine is a weird, unbelievable story. Finally, however, I am no longer surprised at what this lowly human being does to me--to elevate himself, he thinks, and put me in a lower, more humiliating position EVERY DAY. I was served with eviction papers by the constable this morning. He is like a small child who delights in my "descent" into the lower depths of human existence. He has taken everything he can away from me--TV privileges, computer privileges, ANY household privileges.....food, sleep, even mobility........and in his warped, perverted mind, he is elevated somehow, I guess by self-perceived control. He has manipulated this situation from me being hired as companion/aide/caregiver for his ailing mother to me being evicted on grounds that I'm a "deadbeat" tenant who refuses to pay rent. Yes, he is evicting me on grounds that I refuse to pay rent, which of course I never have because i was HIRED and paid to live here and do a job. I've done that Jo EVERY DAY for 2.5 years. Now I am faced with eviction and a court date. The constable told me that the court date was set for 11/19, which means that if I "lose," I will be forced to leave on 11/23.y possessions will B placed on the street, causing me further humiliation. That seems to be what he enjoys--a sense of pride based on my demise. After the papers were served, he asked me if I still planned on being out by the 15th, which is the date he decided I needed to be out as of yesterday. I dont know exactly what I'm going to do now, but I know that this does not surprise me. He must be the most insecure man. After all, he doesn't work, he lives off his mother's money by poa and money management powers given to him. He is the sole beneficiary in her will, and she has substantial resources. Her second marriage was to a very wealthy man who died about 10 years ago, and although he has 3 brothers, he has managed to have them excluded from any inheritance. So now, I guess, maybe I stand in the way of his "plan." And, of course, there are steps I could take to make his plans change, at the very least. Not sure how I'm going to handle this--some people just have to be ugly. His mother serves as his role model. She has sued people who got in her way throughout her life. Her office I FILLED with legal documents concerning lawsuits against individuals and companies who crossed her over the years, and bankruptcies where she didn't disclose her assets and her lawyers were reprimanding her. I could go on. Suffice to say that these people have remained untouched, for the most part, by life's minor inconveniences. They just plow over everyone in their way. They think they are better than everyone else; in fact, the ONE THING that can make her angrier than ANYTHING ELSE is for me to tell her that we were created equal by our God. She will argue to her death that that is not true. Ladies, I guess it doesn't matter if you believe the veracity of my story. These are the facts. Maybe whoever reads tho should just be aware that people can act tho way. I would never have believed it myself before it happened to me. I couldn't make this stuff up. I came here as a caregiver, sincerely hoping i could help this woman and bring joy into her dismal life post-stroke. I tried SO HARD to sprinkle joy, laughter, and peace into the house each day, and now I realize how foolish I was and what a futile effort it was. These people were laughing at me and manipulating me from the very start, and i made it so easy for them to plow over me and become their doormat, and worse. They delight in the misery of others, unaware that they are still miserable. All I can say is that i will survive, and I will be okay. I have a God who loves me and has great, wonderful plans for my life. I guess I had to learn these sad lessons before I could move on to a better life. I KNOW my life will be better than this--a lot better. Thank you for listening. Thank you SO MUCH for listening and trying to help me. I'm sorry if you feel I have wasted your time.

Is it just me? ???

am a live-in caregiver who is being abused, mainly by my elderly patient's son. He abuses me physically (police called 3times), emotional, verbally, financially.....every day he berates/belittles/humiliates me in malicious manner. I have lived here 2.5 years, and have never had one day off. I get paid VERY LITTLE under the table. I never leave, and he will not even take me to the food store. I have begged him for help with medical care to no avail. Now, my back is injured, and I'm practical crawling, and he made it worse by slamming me into a cabinet. He wont sign documents of residence for low-cost clinic for medical care. He has thrown me off mattress to sleep on floor and claims I cannot use facilities. I haven't left because I have nowhere to go. This family has resources. They call me white trash. I have no family, nowhere to go, and desperately wish to keep my 4 cats/family. Advice?

But.....i don't see why I'm not worthy of kindness or support. Or why I'm perpetuating anything. I didn't do anything to deserve this man's abusive treatment of me, or yours, for that matter. Why shouldn't I receive kindness and/or support? Because I've been a doormat?

When I finished with that last post, I was so mad. When I think about the CRAP this excuse for a man has done to me.....i realize.....I AM AN IDIOT. I don't blame y'all for being upset with me. How STUPID all this must sound!! I have been allowing this to continue for SO LONG....how could ANYONE have ANY RESPECT for me??? I know I don't. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused, but I'm not sorry for this experience....it was a real WAKEUP CALL for me!!

The flea bomb episode......the closet in my room has a hole in the roof. I collect buckets of water in the closet, and when it rains for weeks on end, the whole room, and the whole house holds excessive moisture because these are flat roofs, and the water has to go somewhere, so it travels to other rooms as well. The leak has never been repaired. So last spring with excessive rains yielded musty smells and high humidity, and bugs. Just a lot of bugs. I complained about bugs. He told me to set off a bomb (my cats are INDOOR ONLY so I never complained about fleas), and I refused because I knew that fixing the leak(s) would be the only way to solve the problem, and I was worried about the toxicity. So, on the day I called the police after he beat on me, in his rage, he set the bomb off in my room with my cats in there. It was an act of anger and rage, and so was his removal of the bed and furniture in my room. All of it just out of control rage from an egotistical control freak who enjoys making me suffer. It makes no sense and defies logic. The police came that day. It took 6 calls to 911 and 2 hours, but they do all arrived. Whatever story he told them, they bought, because they said they couldn't figure out WHO to arrest. The same policeman came out on the next 2 subsequent calls I made, and he's the one who told me I just needed to leave. On the last police visit, an ambulance came, I told them I couldn't walk, they didn't realm care. They looked at me as the troublemaker, and they left, shaking their heads in disgust at the trouble I caused. They just couldn't believe, just like you, that I had nowhere to go.

Dallas - its just emotionally hard to watch someone emotionally and rationalistically (is that a word) box themselves in and really do nothing but post all the reasons they have not and would find it hard to do something different. And, truly, things can't get better if they don't change.

I think I get why it is great relief to fantasize about starting an animal rescue when you can't rescue yourself or your own right now...but also, I hope you can get why people are jumping on you for your story changing a little day by day and not seeming consistent, and beginning to sound like you are going to ask for money. I'm thinking back to the flea bomb episode too - the cats did OK with that, and if they had fleas, that can cause awful dermatitis for them and for the humans living in the house too, and something had to be done, apparently. Cats that get fleas are indoor-outdoor cats, typically - is that the case with yours? You have a room - but he does not want you on the mattress or using facilities??? How can anyone live in a house and never use the bathroom - I personally think its wrong not to let construction people use the facilities, I'd put down a tarp if I'm too worried about dirt tracked in, but a live-in has got to - unless you can easily walk down the block to a gas station or something? But you "can't walk"? At all?? And why, if you have a room, would you be unwelcome to use a mattress - bedbugs? hygiene? Just incredibly mean?? Or incredibly stupid or both - what does he suppose happens if you walk away, and why he is trying to create conditions that would force most anyone to do just that...how is he THAT sure that you have no tipping point and will not leave no matter what he does - I can only guess that you've let on to him that you feel powerless and helpless, and he's using that against you.

Stop worrying about "proving us wrong," that shouldn't be the point at all, the point is for you to see the situation for what it is and your part in perpetuating it if you really do want out. Even the negative statements here could possibly help you see why you are not getting help - why you might be perceived as unworthy of kindness or support; perceptions can be wrong, very wrong - but they matter. Getting out may not be easy AT ALL - in that you have my sympathy - but avoiding the overwhelming need for it by ruminating on all the practical reasons and emotions around why you have not done it yet is not going to seem sympathetic for long.

At least I know, when I remove myself from my current abusive situation in Dallas, where I can find another one. You shouldn't treat people like this. You are incorrect in your assessment of my purpose for being here. I did hope I was "among friends" here. It's a caregiver forum. I truly thought and hoped that I could speak freely and openly to compassionate people who cared and could relate to the problems I have encountered. My goodness, this has been quite a vicious attack from some of you. The above posts came directly from a 2015 report on domestic violence in Dallas. They validate my claims that the shelters are turning away hundreds of people each week here in Dallas and should substantiate my "yes, buts...." it's a sad situation for abused women and children here in Dallas, and I don't even fall into that category because my abuse came from my employer. They're going to give the battered wives/children priority, as they should. That's why I came here-- for more advice from people who encounter the same problems I do in the same profession. You should be my "friends," that's not an unusual expectation. I should be able to talk to you on here without being judged, tried, and convicted by my peer group.

i also think it would be difficult to find a place for pets as well

wasn't there a thread earlier, almost the same, but somewhere in california?

This has been a most entertaining thread..... can't remember if I posted or not... but quickly lost interest... this kind of post confuse me.... I live in Texas, I know somehow, someway, there are people to help.... no telling what this is really about, or who is writing...... and if this person has access to a computer or phone... there is no reason for the rest of us to continue to be at this party...I don't want to play here anymore.

Jumiexxxxx....yes, I'll come back and explain how wrong you all are.

Wow! I posted years ago on this thread and just checked it out again. Holy s...t!

Well at least if I'm ever stuck in Dallas, being abused with a bunch of cats I've got plenty of good info........

Dallas.......Pleeeeese... I can't believe I'm writing again. You are about 20 "Yes, but" over the limit. You have received more good advice than most people on this site. If you won't take the advice, which is why you wrote to begin with, than why are you still posting? It's time to put up or shut up. Time to move on.

A disclaimer should be posted on this site saying, "Warning--any advice given is conditional and must be taken. Those who refuse to quickly act upon member recommendations risk ridicule, humiliation, accusations and possible disciplinary action.