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These last few days i have been going over memories, visual memories of my mother trying not to forget her. All my waking moments are spent this way. And it dawned on me today that i should be moving forward with my life. Thanks.
Hi Bloom All our memories are forever with us although for many reasons we can't always recall them at will. You know that you are very connected to your mom and your memory of her. Trust that connection and step back into the rhythm of life. Set regular hours. Get dressed everyday. Go for a walk. Eat your breakfast. Take your vitamins. Drink water. Write in your journal. Set a timer. Go out every day. Connect with others. Attend a grief class. Join a group. Your mom will still be with you always. She shaped you and loved you. Your getting out into the world shares what she gave you. Through you, she lives. It isn't necessary or advisable for you to reinforce every moment with her image in mind.
Trust me. You'll pick up your life, you'll move ahead, and then suddenly one day, maybe not so far in the future, you'll realise that the words coming out of your mouth are exactly what she would have said.
And if you're anything like me you'll clap both hands over it.
You will never forget your mum! There will always be triggers to remind you! Certain perfume, a situation reminding you of one of yours with mum! I lost my dad and sister years ago but I still get memory triggers! Our hearts never forgets them! Love is eternal!
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. It must be so difficult. I can assure you that when you love someone very deeply, they never leave you, even after they pass away. I know this due to losing my grandmother, who was more like a mother to me than my actual mother. (My parents were young and I spent most of my early years with my grandparents and great grandparents.) I loved her with all my heart. I can't describe the love, because I've never had it since. She died when I was 7 years old. I didn't understand what death was at the time, but, I adjusted to it over the years.
My grandmother has never left my heart and I have felt her guide me and comfort me throughout my life. More than a Guardian Angel for me. I hope that you will feel that way too. It brings me great comfort and I try to apply that experience as my remaining family members get up in age.
I think grief is and can be mentally paralyzing. I too feel like I cannot remember my dad. But maybe its my minds way of protecting me right now. But be assured the memories will be there. Please consider looking at photos, videos or reading over any correspondence left behind.
I can't forget either my mom or dad. At first, it was like a heavy veil fell over my mind - separating their likeness and beingness from my vision, but in time it all came back. Our minds (and hearts) need that empty space; I think it's grief and maybe a temporary disconnection happens to some of us. Later, I'd see my parents plainly in my mind's eye or even...at times, I'd see my dad's essence walking across the living room even though I hadn't lived with him for years. Still, at times, I dream of both parents, mostly my mom as though she were still alive. These things happen randomly. But truthfully, even as life goes on where lots of things happen in between, there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not aware of their loss in my life. Interestingly, each relationship had had its problems, particularly with my dad although we'd mostly patched things up. And with my mom's Alzheimers at age 72, the loss of her was as if it happened twice. You won't forget your mom. In certain ways we never stop mourning our parents because there will be something which triggers a memory, whether happy or sad and there you are...feeling adrift in grief or depression again. It's momentary, but it's still part of what occurs because we are intrinsically tethered to what gave us life and what shaped our identities. When or if it comes, just allow it and know it is because there was love and that kind of loss is still greatly felt.
Bloom, I am sorry for what you are going through. I assume you have good memories of you mom, and that's wonderful. My mom has been so horrible to deal with over the past decade that I'm afraid when she's gone, the bad memories will overshadow the good ones from younger days :( I'm not too sure I will be sad at the loss and that scares me.
I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it must be like trying to spend every living moment of the day remembering about your mom. Yes, however, you must move on with your life for there is the present and the future to think about. You want forget your mother, but i think you are being too hard on yourself to expect yourself to think about her everyday for the whole day. That would be so exhausting. Take care and please move on with your life. I think your mother would prefer that you do that than trying to think about her all of the time.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
All our memories are forever with us although for many reasons we can't always recall them at will. You know that you are very connected to your mom and your memory of her. Trust that connection and step back into the rhythm of life. Set regular hours. Get dressed everyday. Go for a walk. Eat your breakfast. Take your vitamins. Drink water. Write in your journal. Set a timer. Go out every day. Connect with others. Attend a grief class. Join a group. Your mom will still be with you always. She shaped you and loved you. Your getting out into the world shares what she gave you. Through you, she lives. It isn't necessary or advisable for you to reinforce every moment with her image in mind.
Trust me. You'll pick up your life, you'll move ahead, and then suddenly one day, maybe not so far in the future, you'll realise that the words coming out of your mouth are exactly what she would have said.
And if you're anything like me you'll clap both hands over it.
You may forget the feelings of the pain of acute loss, that may ease, then you remember her, your Mom.
Please feel free to visit other threads on AgingCare forum that may help you, when you are ready:
"LOVE NOTES from caregivers who have lost someone"
"LIFE AFTER the loss of a loved one"
Sorry for your loss, Bloomschool.
I know this due to losing my grandmother, who was more like a mother to me than my actual mother. (My parents were young and I spent most of my early years with my grandparents and great grandparents.) I loved her with all my heart. I can't describe the love, because I've never had it since. She died when I was 7 years old. I didn't understand what death was at the time, but, I adjusted to it over the years.
My grandmother has never left my heart and I have felt her guide me and comfort me throughout my life. More than a Guardian Angel for me. I hope that you will feel that way too. It brings me great comfort and I try to apply that experience as my remaining family members get up in age.
I think grief is and can be mentally paralyzing. I too feel like I cannot remember my dad. But maybe its my minds way of protecting me right now. But be assured the memories will be there. Please consider looking at photos, videos or reading over any correspondence left behind.