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Hello so a little backstory my aunt has been living with my parents for about 15 to 20 years. She does not believe in doctors so she hasn’t seen one in about 10+ years. She clearly has Alzheimer’s and dementia and now cancer we don’t know anything about the cancer because she won’t talk about it or she forgot. Can’t access medical records because of HIPAA can’t get her to go to the doctor. She refused to shower refused to even move from the couch and she doesn’t eat she doesn’t pay anything other than her car payment, which I believe to be paid off my father just passed away and my mother cannot deal with this. She’s getting more aggressive and helpless. We want to put her in a nursing home but we don’t have any authority over that so I want to know how we can get her in a nursing home again she refuses doctors and care for herself. She acts like a child and we can’t just flat out kick her out because she does not have anywhere to go.

It is time now to call APS for guidance on the way to go. If she has lived here as this being her home with your parents for some time then it is her home. However, she is not now safe, coherent or diagnosed as far as mental and physical illnesses and the family can no longer be responsible. In lieu of transporting her to ER via EMS I would call APS for guidance. Good luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I agree with AlvaDeer: report her to APS or if she is doing anything like having delusions or incontinence, call in 911 and tell them she may have a UTI (don't tell them you think she has dementia as this is not considered a medical emergency). Once in the ER tell them she is an unsafe discharge and has no PoA. Do not take her back to that house no matter what the hospital says to you. Social services will begin to find a facility in which to transition her and will begin the guardianship process so they can legally manage her affairs and decisions.
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Tiredniece23 Sep 16, 2024
I tried this with my aunt. I called 911, and she flat out refused to go with them. I cannot tell you how livid I was.
The EMS told me they cannot force her to go and be evaluated if she refuses. Also, they usually send them back home, anyway. It sounds easy to do that, but they are no help at all.
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If for any reason she goes to the e.r. do not let anyone tell you to take her back to your parents home. As others have answered let social services handle her and they will get her into a place that can assist with her problems.
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Reply to Ohwow323
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Is the Aunt Dads relative or Moms? If Dads. I would definitely call APS (Adult Protection Services). Mom should tell them she can no longer care for her. She is getting agressive. She is beyond Moms ability to care for her. If not related, make that point. Allow the State to take over her care. Even if is Moms Aunt, say the same thing. Mom has lost her support emotionally and probably financially.

When Aunt refused to go to ER, you should have said she has Dementia and is not competent to make that decision. If you have the oppourtunity to get her into ER, tell the Social Worker you refuse to take her home. She is 24/7 care and shevis passed your ability to further care for her. At that time you can ask the State to take over her care. Do not let them tell you there is home care available. If she qualifies, its not much. You still have most the care. Do not walk thru the door with her one thur the door your responsibilty, you will get no help.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Contact APS or you can call your State's Elder Abuse hotline number (self neglect may be considered Elder Abuse)
Or you can call your local Senior Service Center and wee what they suggest that you do. Most are connected with the Elder Abuse hotline so they would probably get the call anyway.
If Auntie has not been to the doctor in 10+ years how and when was she diagnosed with cancer?
Has your Aunt accessed the On Line Portal at the doctors offices? If not you might be able to set up her on line Portal by putting in the information that you know. Most of the time it is birthdate that will get you into the system. If it has not been set up previously most of the questions to set it up would be answers that you are aware of. (and yes technically this would be a violation of HIPAA)
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Reply to Grandma1954
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