Hello. My mom lived with me for about 10 yrs in a wheelchair. She got along fine with her disabilities. During that time it was agreed that I would pick up the tab for her expenses. In return she signed over some investments that she had. We recently set her up for an assisted living center. She has insurance to cover her expenses there.
Now my family found out she signed over the investments to me to cover her expenses here and feel I have stolen their money. So am I obligated in some manner to pay my siblings some restitution of some type? They seldom visited or helped with mom. Mom was of sound mind when we made the agreement and her investment guy told the family that he asked her if she wanted to do that and she assured him that she did. Just a little confused on what I should be doing. Thanks for your help. Bob
You're not still receiving money/investments now are you?
Money is the great divide in families, so often.
If mom is still able to mentally grasp all this, ask her to make peace with the sibs who didn't help out (I am guessing that you were the 100% hands on caregiver).
In reality, nobody owes ANYBODY anything for an inheritance.
I'd say you owe no one anything. And good for you for caring for Mom all those years.
If you want to smooth things over, it could be a good idea to provide a rough estimate of what you have provided over the last 10 years. That includes room and board, other expenses you have paid, and (most importantly) a commercial rate of pay for the personal care you have provided. It should be at least comparable to the cost of her AL. That might provide a different way for your family members to look at things.
If they make it clear that their interest in her and her living arrangements is solely about their potential inheritance, your mother might like to tell them that she is thinking of changing her will. That’s if it gets really nasty!
Jjust heartbreaking how some people have entitlement issues.
Just like paying for your own room, board and care are obligations not gifts.
It is quite sickening how people claim their parents money as their own while the parents are still alive, parana syndrome.
You did a great job caring for her for 10 years. That deal was between you and your mom, no explanation needed.
I wouldn't explain anything to them & if they push. I would push back with how I not only took care of our mom for 10 yrs, and who do you think will pay for her care in the futer? Not you! And I would leave it that way. If mom gave you the investment she had her reasons, and from the sound of it she isn't telling anyone.
Sometimes we think our parents don't see our siblings for who they are, but they do! (For the most part)
You don't owe them anything at this point--if ever!
Good Luck
Figure what 10 years of "room and board" would be. (divide all the bills including gas, electric, garbage pick up, water bill, cable, phone, house insurance, car insurance...)
Figure what 10 years of paid caregiver would have cost and figure an increase every 6 months or so to keep up with her decline. Don't forget that is 24/7, 365 days and that costs more than hourly caregivers.
Figure what 10 years of "Uber" service would have cost, store, shopping, doctor visits, take her to church, movies.....
Were any changes made to the house to accommodate her, if so add that in as well.
Now bottom line how much have you really profited from the transfer? But this has been a game...you do not "owe" anything. ...well maybe a "thank you for caring for Mom...but nothing else.
**please note I am not related and might feel differently if I were a sibling and "lost out" on a $200,000,000 pay out!!!**
You especially might fall into that trap if you'd never known what it was like to have 24/7 responsibility for your mother's welfare - because who can put a price on that?
My SIL had POA for her Mom who after SILs father died got herself into debt. Spending money set aside for living expenses. My SIL got her out of more than one jam. Mom was still cognitive but was leanjng towards dementia. In comes the sister. She takes Mom to a lawyer and has SILs POA revoked and her assigned. SIL said OK, her is alk Moms stuff now u handle it. Which she didn't allowing bills to become unpaid. All SILs work down the drain. So, SIL had Mom revoke sister's POA and again assign her. Mom is now pretty much into Dementia. She is in independent living, SIL looking into AL. SIL took cell away because Mom still giving money to anyone who calls. Finds out sister gave her another one. When asked sister why, sister said she wanted to be able to talk to Mom. In looking at the call log, sister had called Mom once in 3 weeks. SIL was able to sell Moms house at a very good price. First thing out of sister's mouth is how much of that are she and brother going to get. Really! Its Moms money for her care!
There is a REAL move to hire a professional so family won't have to fight it out, wishes are followed, and no crazy SIL or drunk ex-hubby can interfere. I recommend looking into it, your state should have an PFAC group.
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