Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
He also has OCD. He is defiant and everything must go his way. I am physically ill and advised by my doctor to avoid stress. Can I divorce him? I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this situation.
You are not legally required to care for him. If you are told by your doctor that you need to eliminate stress, then you are doing what is best for you at this time.
I am happy that you don’t feel trapped in this situation so much that you wouldn’t even consider asking if you could walk away from the responsibility of being his caregiver.
I am sure that this experience has been extremely emotional and stressful for you. No one ever envisions something like this happening in their lives. I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life. Take care.
Has he been diagnosed with any form of dementia? From what you describe he has cognitive problems that would indicate dementia. If he is diagnosed with dementia you can place him in Memory Care. If at anytime you are afraid that he is going to harm you call 911 or whatever emergency service you have. Tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your safety. Tell them that the person you are afraid of has dementia and is threatening you. Ask that they be transported. They can transport to the hospital. Once at the hospital ask to talk to a Social Worker, tell them that you can no t continue to care for him. It is unsafe for you. They will inform you of options.
You can get a divorce. I suggest that you talk to an Elder Care Attorney. It might be easier if you do want to go the route of a divorce to do so BEFORE he has a diagnosis of dementia.
Is his doctor aware of the threats, temper as well as your medical problems? There are medications that can help with anxiety.
You need to tell his doctor about this especially him threatening to hit you. There is medication that may help. It may be a good idea to place him in a MC if u can afford it or a nice NH with Medicaid paying for it. You can remain in the home, have a car and have enough from your combined SS and pension to live on. Then you just visit when u feel like it.
No. You are not legally obligated to take care of a spouse. Yes, you can get divorced if you want to. Time to get out. If your husband is cognitively impaired and has dementia, then he is incompetent to make his own decisions. As his legal spouse you are his next of kin and will decide for him. You can put him in a facility if caring for him at home has become too much for you and it sounds like it has. Talk to a lawyer and they can advise you about what should be your next step. Good luck.
In the interim, do you think hiring a male aid to come in to make sure he takes his meds a possibility? Or even a male relative or neighbor? Sometimes he will "showboat" (be on his best behavior) for "outsiders". Even if it works for a while, it may make a big difference once he can start benefitting from his meds. Wishing you clarity and peace.
You are not legally obligated to be abused by anyone.
Call Social Services for advise and assistance for yourself and assessment for your husband.
Gather all the financial information you can. Prepare an "escape bag" of important documents such as your personal key documents like birth and marriage certificates, checkbooks, credit cards, et al; and a few sets of clothing. Notify a few family members and friends what's happening for support and possibly a place to stay if you need to leave quickly. Make an appointment with a lawyer.
While you may end up not divorcing him, you deserve a safe place until he gets either sorted out with help or you do proceed with divorce for your own physical, mental, and emotional safety.
You matter, Jpaat. Please let us know how you're doing.
You don't need to ask a forum if you can divorce your husband or not. If you don't love him anymore and want out, then by all means get yourself a divorce lawyer. According to your profile you live in constant fear of him, and that isn't healthy for anyone. Was he always like this or is this something fairly new? If it's new, then has he had a thorough examination from his doctor? You need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself, and doing what is best for you, and only you know what that is. I wish you the best.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am happy that you don’t feel trapped in this situation so much that you wouldn’t even consider asking if you could walk away from the responsibility of being his caregiver.
I am sure that this experience has been extremely emotional and stressful for you. No one ever envisions something like this happening in their lives. I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life. Take care.
From what you describe he has cognitive problems that would indicate dementia.
If he is diagnosed with dementia you can place him in Memory Care.
If at anytime you are afraid that he is going to harm you call 911 or whatever emergency service you have. Tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your safety. Tell them that the person you are afraid of has dementia and is threatening you.
Ask that they be transported. They can transport to the hospital. Once at the hospital ask to talk to a Social Worker, tell them that you can no t continue to care for him. It is unsafe for you. They will inform you of options.
You can get a divorce. I suggest that you talk to an Elder Care Attorney.
It might be easier if you do want to go the route of a divorce to do so BEFORE he has a diagnosis of dementia.
Is his doctor aware of the threats, temper as well as your medical problems? There are medications that can help with anxiety.
Time to get out. If your husband is cognitively impaired and has dementia, then he is incompetent to make his own decisions.
As his legal spouse you are his next of kin and will decide for him.
You can put him in a facility if caring for him at home has become too much for you and it sounds like it has.
Talk to a lawyer and they can advise you about what should be your next step. Good luck.
Call Social Services for advise and assistance for yourself and assessment for your husband.
Gather all the financial information you can. Prepare an "escape bag" of important documents such as your personal key documents like birth and marriage certificates, checkbooks, credit cards, et al; and a few sets of clothing. Notify a few family members and friends what's happening for support and possibly a place to stay if you need to leave quickly. Make an appointment with a lawyer.
While you may end up not divorcing him, you deserve a safe place until he gets either sorted out with help or you do proceed with divorce for your own physical, mental, and emotional safety.
You matter, Jpaat. Please let us know how you're doing.
You need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself, and doing what is best for you, and only you know what that is. I wish you the best.