Hoarder Mom just had stoke. Live-in hoarding daughter she babies and supports doesn't want me to excercise POA. She thinks she can continue to receive money for doing nothing while I do all the necessary work. Mom is a bleeding heart to her "whoa is me" stories and wants to continue also. Things have changed but both just don't get it. Trying to revoke POA and give it to irresponsable daughter.
Any body have similar experience, how handled?
Your sister meanwhile is still living in your mother's house. The house insurance has been allowed to lapse. Yet it is overstuffed with consumer goods and has - ? recently? - been fitted with a solar energy system.
Presumably your plan is to sell your mother's house and draw on the proceeds to fund her care. Even if your mother does have enough money to do without this capital, it is still your responsibility to manage her income and assets as efficiently as possible.
You can't sell the house when it's got a sitting tenant in it.
So you have to remove the sitting tenant and have the house made saleable.
Your mother will not consent to this unless and until your sister has somewhere else to go. No matter how deeply you have come to loathe your sister, and however good your reasons, your mother does not feel the same.
So what are you going to do about her? What are her needs, and how can she be helped to meet them without these continuing raids on your mother? - not financial raids, which you can probably put a stop to comparatively easily, but emotional raids.
How long has your sister been your mother's live-in caregiver? Will she have acquired rights of tenancy? Was there any kind of financial agreement between them?
At 89, post stroke and with heart disease, without wishing to be cruel, it seems likely that your mother's death will mean that sister will be independent before very long whether she likes it or not. If you don't want to help your sister, and who could blame you, who else might? Does she have identified problems that prevent her from becoming a normally self-sustaining functioning adult?
Have you talked to an Eldercare attorney? As CM points out, sister may have rights of tenancy due to caregiving.
Hoarding is a mental illness. Does mom receive treatment for this? Have you spoken to her healthcare provider in the past about this issue?
If you disagree with mother and sister's way of living, perhaps walking away would be a hard choice you need to make.
Only money that should be getting spent is on mom's care. Not house. Not utilities. Not sister.
That leaves her house and the hoarding daughter.
Questions to raise - who owns the home? Did your mother ever make a will? Does your mother have a lawyer whom you can trust? Does your sister have any income of her own? Has she exercised any right to stay in the home that she has cluttered up?
If residential care would require the sale of the home and its contents in order to provide the budget for the care, then this should be handled not by you directly but by your lawyer.
Until you have established that she is legally incompetent, you can't do anything against her wishes.
Are you sure you especially want this job? The job is to manage your mother's affairs #1 in her best interests and #2 according to her established preferences. Sounds like you're not so keen on Item 2.
I need to confirm my POA is "durable" and still active as got it 20 years ago after father passed but really dont use it.
Suggested we all seek hoarding treatment they refused saying they don't have problem. Believe me they do - my GF refused to stay in or even visit house since we both got sick trying clean up only to have them pull junk back out of trash and reclutter - never toss, sell, or recycle anything only accumulate and never clean. oh 4 cats 2 dogs are more important than anything.