Anyone feel this way? I feel the guilt and weight of her world on me. After 10 years in assisted living, and now 10 months on hospice, I’m advised she is close. I am an only child with no family and one friend left for support. Wednesday I made all the final arrangements, by myself. The hardest thing was not having anyone to talk to before during or afterwards. I kinda feel panicked, I can’t stop crying and I feel frozen and I want a day off but I’m afraid she will be calling for me. I wish I had a family to tell me it’s ok to not go. Is it ok not to go?
So know that guilt, by the experts is often taken on so that you don't have to face the REAL elephant in the room, which is grief and the finality of loss. The amount of time and dedication you have invested has prevented you from forming a life and friendship and your grieving will be made worse by this.
Please start NOW to search for support group for grieving even if online on Facebook. Look it up by "grief support group" and you will find someone to speak with the the dead of night. I am so very sorry. Take care of yourself, please.
And please, don't beat yourself up over any 'guilt' you may be experiencing. Your have done nothing wrong.
Take care of you--go when you feel stronger. Or don't.
Alva's advice is best.
And, we're all friends here. No judgment.
You do not have to be there with her. As a matter of fact I was told by many Hospice nurses and CNA's that quite often a person will wait until the family that is sitting by the bedside leaves the room, it is then they "chose" to die.
Crying, panic, frozen are all "normal" feelings of grief. And you are grieving.
When making the arrangements for your mom I am sure that you chose to do what she would have wanted and not what you think others would want.
Do not let anyone bog you down with all the Shoulda's and Coulda's.
((hugs))
So make sure before you stop your visits that you've said everything you feel you need to before she dies so you have no regrets later.
And in the meantime please take advantage of hospices clergy and social worker if you're needing someone to talk to as their services are included with hospice.
You're doing a great job. Don't beat yourself up because you're human.
God bless you.
It is okay not to go. If you do go, you might find its not as bad as you think. Best wishes either way.
If you are at your wits end, please allow yourself to rest. Resting doesn’t mean that you don’t care. Resting is a vital part of maintaining emotional and physical stability.
You know yourself better than anyone else. Don’t decide what to do based on what others do. Just because something is right for them doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s right for you.
Please don’t feel any pressure to go. This is your personal choice to make. No one has a right to judge your choice regarding this matter.
you all give me strength and I’m grateful.
Tell those who are taking care of her that if she asks for you, they should tell her you love her and will be there later. She's probably losing track of time, so telling her that is a kindness.
Did you know that often they wait to pass until their loved ones are not present? It seems to make them rest easy that they don't have to be concerned about anyone else.
My condolences, and I wish you peace as you move forward.
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