This seems like the only option left at this point and I feel bad about even considering it, but Mom can no longer be left alone for any length of time. She's fallen a few times, but not enough to warrant a hospital visit. We tried again having a caregiver come to the house when we would be away, but she refuses to answer the door even though we have tried to explain what is going on. We also tried having the caregiver come while we are home, however she will just go in her room until she leaves. Her Dr. has been of no help since her last visit and actually suggested she be seen by the nurse practitioner next time she comes. COVID doesn't help the situation, as it just makes things so much more difficult which we get but cannot continue on like this. TIA
As a nurse I of course saw it over and over again, and often of course legitimately done. You cannot know the results of a fall without ER transport into hospital and xrays.
Yes, it does make it more difficult in Covid times, but the important thing is to ask for a social worker at once and to say "I will not accept my mother back in my home; she is not physically or mentally safe there or am I physically nor mentally able to care for her. She will need placement".
THEN you must NOT buy into the "We will make this work together; we will get you help". They will not. Simply say she will not be accepted home and to discharge her would amount to an unsafe discharge. They can arrange guardianship (temporary emergency) much more easily than you ever could (call to the judge) and can find placement. NOT placement approved by you but placement THEY choose. Be clear in your own mind that once you do not take her back she may be moved to State Guardianship and they then have control of her monies and her placements.
This is the devil's own bargain. Nothing good about it. It is a last ditch emergency effort to find placement for an elder you can no longer care for.
If mom has the finances for AL, give yourself a pep talk and begin the process of moving her. Your quality of life matters just as much as hers. And keeping her reasonably safe matters most of all.
If she doesn't have the money, and you think that she'll qualify for Medicaid for long term care, call 911 for that next fall (I hope you're not lifting her from the ground yourself - how old are you? Protect your back). There could be conditions underlying the falling.
Once you get her into an ER, it's still a process. The ER doc has to admit her. You must hold the line about there being no one at home to care for her. Hopefully, if she is admitted, she'll be discharged to rehab, where real attention will be focused on whether or not she can live safely on her own.
It can work, but proceed deliberately and don't waiver; with your mom or the healthcare folks.
Help us figure this out.
What is it that you want the caregiver to do? Is it to call an ambulance if she should fall? You can get cameras and check on her from your phone. You can get a medical alert system. A pendant or wrist band if she will wear it.
If I felt she couldn’t be alone, I would just have the caregiver stay while I ran my errands. Actually I would probably have a housekeeper instead with the understanding that they would call me should anything happen. Your mom would get used to the person being there. If she goes to her room, is there a problem with that? Does your mom have dementia? Is she shy? I had a housekeeper come and help me at my mom’s home. The housekeeper would take her a snack or comment on a program my mom was watching. After awhile my mom relaxed and the housekeeper could come and go with no problem.
Give us some feedback on the situation and perhaps someone will offer information that is helpful.
Re the poster’s problem with the caregiver, I had those hide-in-rooms too. It took a while for the agency to find the right match (for now), but I am glad I fired the lazy ones.
Not all Memory Cares are private pay.
I do agree with you that some are not a Go To place. Sadly, in an ER dump, that may be where a dumped family member ends up at.