Anyone with Dementia/Alzheimer's experience like this?
For those of you that have read my other posts you know about my sister.
So I went to see Mom yesterday and she was in the best mood I have seen. Happy talking about finding pictures she had packed away (The pics I had brought her from home and put on her shelves) How she had made her bed (the housekeeper at the nursing home made it) and how she needed to organize her closet. How nice all the people are there etc. etc. Then my sister called. They only talked for maybe half a minute, Mom tried to put me on the phone with her and I explained No, we do not talk, and she let Mom go and said she would call back later. Talk about Jekyll and Hyde, after that Mom hates the nursing home, she hears it's NOT a good care center, They lie to me and she isn't getting her Therapy and she doesn't want to be there anymore. My sister didn't have time to put all of this in her head in a fifteen second conversation, I just do not understand. Anyone have anything similar to this happen?
Last week my cousin was doing particularly well. She talked more than normal and enjoyed wheeling around in the facility and talking to other residents during my visit. She had stopped saying much, but last week was a chatter box. You just never know what you'll find.
Later in the visit we went to visit in another resident's room and my cousin said she loved that room and wouldn't mind moving there to live. She said why can't I stay here, pay them a monthly fee and enjoy all the activities. I said that was a great idea. (She had forgotten that her room was down the hall and she has been there for almost a year.)
I placed a picture of a horse on her wall. (I decorate with pleasant pictures, flowers, decor, etc.) She loved it. She then told me a story of how her boyfriend came to visit her and took her on a trip on his horse. She said they had a wonderful time. (She has no boyfriend and has not been on a horse in many years.) I love it that she has a good life in her reality. I discuss it with her as if it was real. There's no harm and she enjoys it, because it is real to her.
I think that paranoia is common. Normally, if you ask questions they aren't able to give you any details. They may claim there are problems, but it's not real.
If my cousin does seem distressed, I tell her that I have just made a phone call and straightened everything out. I say, problem solved and now let's celebrate. Guess what treat I brought you. That normally cheers her up and redirects her to more positive thoughts.
I don't understand what you mean about your sister. Rarely do phone conversations with dementia patients work for more than a minute or two. If she's long distance, that's the best you can do. Are you saying that your sister doesn't understand your mom's condition?
Under the circumstances, it might be worth it to have a geriatric care manager take care of it. Professional geriatric care managers are bonded and know how to handle difficult relatives. Storage is only "kicking the can down the road", not to mention a pain in the neck and not cheap. When I sold my house last year, we threw, sold, or gave away most of the stuff, but our estate sale didn't sell much. I have a storage container in my lot at work, have been getting stuff out and dealing with it, and may be having to move it or ditch it again. I'm trying to deal with my stuff sooner rather than later, while I can get some benefit myself. The problem with storage is that stuff can deteriorate in storage, and eat up a lot of the value in storage charges.
When talking with a dementia patient, you can't expect normal responses or accurate answers. If your sister expects this, she will become increasingly disappointed. If she refuses to accept this, then there's not much you can do, but let her see it for herself.
It's sad your mom gets upset when talking to her, but unless you are POA and able to stop the conversations, I'm not sure what you could do. If I were in charge, I think I would continue to allow the phone calls or visits. At least mom is talking to her daughter. But, that's a personal decision.
Difficult, because your mother is entitled to have a private conversation if she wants one; but since she is offering you the phone I'd be inclined to regard that as an invitation to be party to the call (and maybe cross my fingers behind my back). Also, although obviously you don't want to end up having a blazing row in front of your mother, if you'd heard what was said you could then correct your sister on the key misunderstandings and explain in words of one syllable how they were detrimental to your mother's contentment. And ideally you won't sign off with "oh go and [beep] yourself" - though that's always an option if you need to get it out of your system.
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