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I was in hospice and palliative care twice. Everybody told me there is nothing that anybody could do for me, but to wait untill I pass away. What procedure should I follow?
Grandma1954 8/5/23 12:00 I am a bit confused. You say YOU were in Hospice. Was it you or your wife? If you are considering assisted suicide for your wife I hate to say it but at this point it is probably not legally possible. In places that allow assisted suicide the person has to be mentally competent and be able to administer the drugs themselves. If this is for yourself and you are competent then you can have proceed with a a medically assisted suicide but I think a doctor will only prescribe the medications if you are terminal. (Please if I am wrong someone correct this)
If you are considering assisted suicide for your wife you have reached a point where you need to place her in a Memory Care facility where she will get 24/7 care and you can take a step back from the caregiver role and become her husband. If you have heard the term "Caregiver Burnout" this is it. If placing her in a MC facility is not an option you NEED to get caregivers to come in and help you. No one can do this 24/7/365 alone. PLEASE get help Contact your local Senior Services center and see if there is help, there may be programs that will help. Contact local Area Agency on Aging and see if there are programs that may help. Alzheimer's Association has a 24/7 help line 1-866-232-8484 Please talk to your doctor about what is going on, ask for the name of a Therapist that you can talk to . You do not have to go this alone.
My dad died yesterday on hospice. As you know from being on hospice yourself, they leave an anti vomiting med along with several days’ worth of liquid morphine and Ativan for you to take at your judgment.
I think u are talking as your wife not as the OP which is confusing for us.
Your wife has a Dementia. No one knows when the end will be. Just that the Dementia will end up getting to the part of the brain that controls the heart and lungs.
If u feel you cannot care for ur wife anymore, place her. If MC is not an option, Medicaid will pay for her stay in Long-term care. You need to see and elder lawyer to guide u. He can help you split assets and help with the Medicaid Application.
Some states have 'right to die' laws, but I am not aware of many, besides Oregon, and you have to establish residency in order to do that. It's not a quickie fix.
If you are speaking 'for' your wife, then it's probably time for serious Hospice care and not in your home.
I know the 'waiting game' for someone to pass who has zero quality of life and who is also sucking the joy out of life for all people involved is horrible. One person's miserable life affecting as many as 40 other people in our family. My MIL is in Home Hospice and my DH and I have gone absolutely NOWHERE this year, waiting for that other shoe to drop. (Correction: we spent 2 hectic long weekends going to High School graduations of grandkids--but had the phones on high alert the whole time. Flew in and out of 2 cities in >3 days. NOT relaxing nor enjoyable at all.)
I cannot plan anything for my family that takes us out of cell phone range. We have ceased to even get together as a family b/c my DH is always so grouchy.. and it's due to the care they are forced to give and the incredible needs that their mother has. Chores around our house are all put off b/c MIL needs so much.
If they had put her in a NH when she fell, back in Jan-Feb, this wouldn't have gotten so insane.
If you cannot handle the EOL care for your wife, then please move her to a place where she has people who CAN. And no judgment on you, whatsoever. This doesn't mean you no longer love her...it's self preservation at its most core level.
I am not even involved in the care of my MIL, but I am growing more depressed by the week, as she drags on and on, dying so slowly. Dh retired to help take care of her and he is beyond miserable with it.
IDK how long I can take this...and like I said, I am really on the periphery of the crazy.
Wow, tough question to answer. I don’t think anyone can answer this for you.
These feelings are individually processed. I don’t know if there is a ‘right or wrong’ way to view this. You have to find your own way in this situation.
"I cannot plan anything for my family that takes us out of cell phone range." In this day and age I think it is rare that you would be out of cell phone range anywhere.
Riding back from the last time my dad was alive, I told dh that should I ever be where your wife is with dementia, I want him to mix up a vodka and grapefruit double shot with the whole weekly bottle of liquid morphine and Ativan as all right to die states exclude dementia patients.
Peggy here. What exactly was it about this death that made the police investigate, mj? How old was she? Was she on hospice? What made it suspicious to the cops to start with?
As you know, I just went thru home hospice for my dad. He died Friday. No one was asked to log morphine and even if anyone questions how much is left, you say the liquid bottle got knocked over and spilled on the rug from his bed table or got lost or u don’t know. My family didn’t do this to my knowledge, but how would anyone know. How can they prove otherwise?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Are you asking, in order to see how to “kill” your wife? How to “assist her in suicide”?
I am a bit confused.
You say YOU were in Hospice. Was it you or your wife?
If you are considering assisted suicide for your wife I hate to say it but at this point it is probably not legally possible.
In places that allow assisted suicide the person has to be mentally competent and be able to administer the drugs themselves.
If this is for yourself and you are competent then you can have proceed with a a medically assisted suicide but I think a doctor will only prescribe the medications if you are terminal.
(Please if I am wrong someone correct this)
If you are considering assisted suicide for your wife you have reached a point where you need to place her in a Memory Care facility where she will get 24/7 care and you can take a step back from the caregiver role and become her husband.
If you have heard the term "Caregiver Burnout" this is it.
If placing her in a MC facility is not an option you NEED to get caregivers to come in and help you.
No one can do this 24/7/365 alone.
PLEASE get help
Contact your local Senior Services center and see if there is help, there may be programs that will help.
Contact local Area Agency on Aging and see if there are programs that may help.
Alzheimer's Association has a 24/7 help line 1-866-232-8484
Please talk to your doctor about what is going on, ask for the name of a Therapist that you can talk to .
You do not have to go this alone.
OP, it sounds a lot like killing.
Lealonnie1
Your wife has a Dementia. No one knows when the end will be. Just that the Dementia will end up getting to the part of the brain that controls the heart and lungs.
If u feel you cannot care for ur wife anymore, place her. If MC is not an option, Medicaid will pay for her stay in Long-term care. You need to see and elder lawyer to guide u. He can help you split assets and help with the Medicaid Application.
If you are speaking 'for' your wife, then it's probably time for serious Hospice care and not in your home.
I know the 'waiting game' for someone to pass who has zero quality of life and who is also sucking the joy out of life for all people involved is horrible. One person's miserable life affecting as many as 40 other people in our family. My MIL is in Home Hospice and my DH and I have gone absolutely NOWHERE this year, waiting for that other shoe to drop. (Correction: we spent 2 hectic long weekends going to High School graduations of grandkids--but had the phones on high alert the whole time. Flew in and out of 2 cities in >3 days. NOT relaxing nor enjoyable at all.)
I cannot plan anything for my family that takes us out of cell phone range. We have ceased to even get together as a family b/c my DH is always so grouchy.. and it's due to the care they are forced to give and the incredible needs that their mother has. Chores around our house are all put off b/c MIL needs so much.
If they had put her in a NH when she fell, back in Jan-Feb, this wouldn't have gotten so insane.
If you cannot handle the EOL care for your wife, then please move her to a place where she has people who CAN. And no judgment on you, whatsoever. This doesn't mean you no longer love her...it's self preservation at its most core level.
I am not even involved in the care of my MIL, but I am growing more depressed by the week, as she drags on and on, dying so slowly. Dh retired to help take care of her and he is beyond miserable with it.
IDK how long I can take this...and like I said, I am really on the periphery of the crazy.
These feelings are individually processed. I don’t know if there is a ‘right or wrong’ way to view this. You have to find your own way in this situation.
Under some circumstances, your DH would have to be very careful, because he could be accused of murder.
OP must also be careful, with whatever he’s planning for his wife’s life/death.
A former co-worker helped his sick wife die, and he was locked up for six years.
Call the police or paramedics. You need help immediately.
As you know, I just went thru home hospice for my dad. He died Friday. No one was asked to log morphine and even if anyone questions how much is left, you say the liquid bottle got knocked over and spilled on the rug from his bed table or got lost or u don’t know. My family didn’t do this to my knowledge, but how would anyone know. How can they prove otherwise?