Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
People can only abuse you if you let them, right? Agreed?
The time has come for you to stop allowing your mom to abuse and use temper tantrums to control you. I understand you made “ The Noble Promise” to her and to yourself to wait until it was absolutely necessary to put Mom in a facility. Well, it's necessary. If we could speak with your husband, he may say he’s getting to the point he’s going to tell you it’s her or him.
Mom has dementia? Yes? Then don’t spend hour upon hour convincing her she needs to be in a facility. Her broken brain will not understand anything beyond she’s being abandoned. And she will react accordingly. It will take lots of determination on your part to put this into effect. Enlist the help of your brother. Have him get a cheap plane ticket, take some days off from work and come to help you.
No one will tell you this is going to be easy. It will be heart-breaking and difficult. But, not impossible. And, you will come to realize that you did the right thing for her...and you.
I was very surprised at how much my mother blossomed (after an adjustment period) in a care facility. She had mobility problems and dementia. She loved eating lunch with a few ladies. She loved having men around. She went to all activities (to our utter amazement.) She loved going to the beauty parlor without leaving the building! She enjoyed the live entertainment they brought in frequently. It was a very good move for her, and we probably should have done it earlier. From the description in your profile, your mother's personality is a lot more demanding than my mother's ever was, so this might not be applicable in your case. I just want to point out that moving into a facility is sometimes a great change for the patient.
Is you mother still considered competent to make her own decisions? If so, you may not be able to move her into a facility against her will.
But you are also competent to make your own decisions. It sounds like this is time to decide you need to back off the level of help you provide. You cannot jump every time she tells you to. You need to spend more time with your husband. She thinks she is living independently, bless her, but that is a complete myth. She is depending heavily on you. That would become more apparent if you withdraw some of your support. (Maybe not apparent to her -- her brain is broken -- but apparent to social services, her doctor, etc.)
Obviously you are not going to abandon her. But you can let her face the consequences of her own decisions. "Mom, I'm not going to be able to do X for you anymore. But I will help you hire a service that does X." If she decides she won't let anyone but you help her with X, you don't have to change your decision. "Well I wish you the best Mom. Let me know if you change your mind and want my help in finding a good service." You can keep an eye on how she is doing, and possibly intervene (for example, by contacting an appropriate agency) if the situation becomes dangerous.
Without becoming her guardian you may not be able to determine where Mom lives. But you certainly can (and should) determine your role in her care.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The time has come for you to stop allowing your mom to abuse and use temper tantrums to control you. I understand you made “ The Noble Promise” to her and to yourself to wait until it was absolutely necessary to put Mom in a facility. Well, it's necessary. If we could speak with your husband, he may say he’s getting to the point he’s going to tell you it’s her or him.
Mom has dementia? Yes? Then don’t spend hour upon hour convincing her she needs to be in a facility. Her broken brain will not understand anything beyond she’s being abandoned. And she will react accordingly. It will take lots of determination on your part to put this into effect. Enlist the help of your brother. Have him get a cheap plane ticket, take some days off from work and come to help you.
No one will tell you this is going to be easy. It will be heart-breaking and difficult. But, not impossible. And, you will come to realize that you did the right thing for her...and you.
Is you mother still considered competent to make her own decisions? If so, you may not be able to move her into a facility against her will.
But you are also competent to make your own decisions. It sounds like this is time to decide you need to back off the level of help you provide. You cannot jump every time she tells you to. You need to spend more time with your husband. She thinks she is living independently, bless her, but that is a complete myth. She is depending heavily on you. That would become more apparent if you withdraw some of your support. (Maybe not apparent to her -- her brain is broken -- but apparent to social services, her doctor, etc.)
Obviously you are not going to abandon her. But you can let her face the consequences of her own decisions. "Mom, I'm not going to be able to do X for you anymore. But I will help you hire a service that does X." If she decides she won't let anyone but you help her with X, you don't have to change your decision. "Well I wish you the best Mom. Let me know if you change your mind and want my help in finding a good service." You can keep an eye on how she is doing, and possibly intervene (for example, by contacting an appropriate agency) if the situation becomes dangerous.
Without becoming her guardian you may not be able to determine where Mom lives. But you certainly can (and should) determine your role in her care.