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Good evening everyone. Can anyone recommend a bidet for our 85-year old mother who has dementia with paranoia but still uses toilet for peeing and BMs but does not clean herself very well and has an independent, stubborn streak. We have hired companions who are with her most of the day. I few weeks ago I asked her how she would like a bidet and she was very open to the idea. She has used them many times in her travels, and I believe one might help her keep at least somewhat clean. She has suffered UTIs, which led to a screaming session which was terrible to watch. Anyway, she is on a daily antibiotic now. Can anyone suggest one you have used successfully? Thank you

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Independant toileting moves to supervision needed then assistance.

If the companions are not willing to assist, then aides that are cna level will be needed to physically clean.

I have no experience with bidets... but much with stubborn elders. If she doesn't like the feel of the bidet or like change she won't use it. Be a waste of money + she will still need actual hands-on assistance in the bathroom.
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Reply to Beatty
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The Luxe Bidet Neo product (ordered on Amazon) was good for my mom when she had spine surgery and was having g a hard time. I think it was the 120 (the simplest model).
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Reply to casole
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Check out a bidet to see exactly what it does.
a) Original bidets (I’ve got one) are more or less washbasins at a height you can straddle, looking backwards to the cistern. I don’t think it would meet your needs. They aren’t designed to dispose of feces – in fact the original purpose was a wash after sex.
b) Bidet attachments can fit onto a toilet, and squirt water upwards to help clean. Your mother would probably need to wipe, and sit fairly wide. These were popular during the Covid toilet paper shortage.
c) The Japanese developed bidets that also squirt upwards, water and then warm air, are very expensive and also comprehensive, sounded great but I have no experience with them. Definitely 'look ma, no hands'.

I’d say find some brand names and prices, and then look for user ratings on one that looks like it would help you.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Fawnby Aug 3, 2024
The Japanese have the Toyo toilet (I think that’s what it’s called). Or maybe it’s Toto. I know someone who had one. It does what you said, but as I recall, they installed it during a bathroom remodel and it requires an electrical connection for the warm water and air. It was quite expensive.

As for the feces problem with a regular bidet, a friend had a serious difficulty when visitors didn’t know how to use one and thought it was for cleaning off feces. Their feces built up inside the drain, stank, and may have needed a plumber to clean. I don’t know because I was so grossed out I didn’t want to hear any more about it!!!
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For your mother with dementia, a bidet might be too complicated and ultimately frustrating for her. Yes, she's used them in her travels - but she probably didn't have dementia then. She might be enthusiastic now, but will her brain be able to sort out this multitask problem when it comes right down to using it? You won't know until you try, but prepare to be disappointed.

When they are confronted with a new situation, sometimes they can't make sense of it or even part of it. Not knowing what they are supposed to do can create serious bouts of combativeness.

My DH can no longer shower himself. I shower him. Every time, I have to calmly and slowly relate every step. "I'm going to turn on the water now. I'm going to spray your feet. I'm going to soap your legs," etc. etc. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And even then, he still doesn't understand what is going on or why or what comes next. I suspect the same thing would happen with your mother and the bidet.

I wish you luck.
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Reply to Fawnby
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The people who have them tend to proselytize, and like anything else each person thinks theirs is the best. People who don't have one or haven't used one tend to roll their eyes and think they are weird and likely unhelpful (if they know anything about them at all).
Choosing one of the inexpensive products such as the one casole recommended are not going to break the bank and seem easy to install, I would opt for that and and look to upgrade in the future if you find it acceptable.
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Reply to cwillie
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Thank you all for your answers. Once again my fellow caregivers have responded to yet another question. Have a good day everyone
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Reply to Wheat85
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