My dad had a stroke, and my brother and I both have durable power of attorney and live with my dad - I care for dad 24/7 and my brother runs their business. My brother's girlfriend of 2 years lives free of charge with us in a really (and I mean really) nice house. My brother won't allow my husband to come into my dad's house, as they don't get along. Husband and I have been together 10 years - the stuff really hit the fan with us after being apart for a year while I moved across the country to care for dad in the pandemic. My husband gave up on me coming home after 6 months and wanted a divorce, but after several months he decided to quit his job and move here to support me and work things out. My brother will not forgive my husband for what my husband supposedly put our family through (there were a few weeks where I was emotionally distraught with the uncertainty of divorce, splitting my household, quitting my job). My brother is an abusive narcissist and I fear him, his constant nitpicking, and his slander of me to family and friends. My brother has installed several indoor and outdoor Ring cameras at my dad's house. I never know when I am being recorded. My husband brings me groceries and supplies to my dad's front porch and my brother watches us. Sometimes if we are hugging he will use the microphone to comment and scare us. My brother will not allow me access to his Ring cameras (which since I am the person who is left alone here for weeks at a time while my brother is gone, I would find them useful) and I am sure there are other hidden cameras as he bragged to me about cameras he hid to record others back when he and I still got along. I have a baby monitor in dad's room and I keep an ear on dad all night - I often get up out of bed to go in and see why he is making weird noises or to respond to his direct calls of me. My brother will not use the baby monitor to keep tabs on dad for dad's health and refuses to help out in the middle of the night. However, he took the extra parent monitor and listens in on dad and me any time we are in dad's room. I never have any privacy. Has anyone ever had a similar experience, and if so, how have they dealt with it? I have asked for him to turn off the cameras and return the parent monitor, and my brother has accused me of plotting against him.
Very easy solution.
If you are caregiver 24/7 and brother runs a business for dad, what does girlfriend do for the household? If you/brother aren't paying any rent, then why should she? But, she could be doing housework or using her income to pay for a housekeeper. All of you should be paying bills - unless dad pays all of it out of his money - and bills should be split 4 ways right now. Up to brother if he collects from g'friend or not. You just pay 1/4 if you share that cost.
You and brother need to sit down - without g'friend or your hubby - and sort this out. You will be moving hubby in to live there. You have as much right to have your spouse with you there as brother does to have a girlfriend there. You will continue to care for dad, brother will continue to run the business. Everyone needs to get along. If brother can't agree to this arrangement, you need to move out and live with your husband. Brother can use dad's money and money from dad's business to hire the 24/7 caregiver care or let his girl friend do it. You could still participate for X number of hours a day, but they will have to cover the night shift.
I really feel like there is more to all this. Are you and brother both trying to maintain control over the 'really, really nice house'? Are you both suspicious of each other over bank accts, money from the business, etc? I think there's more to this story. Just a gut opinion
What kind of stronghold does your brother have on you?
What matters the most to you?
Husband or dad and brother? Who cares about the girlfriend?
Zippy has a fabulous suggestion for you, “MOVE OUT!”
I would only add one other thing to that, ‘Don’t look back!’