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She has dementia but is quite physically able to care for herself during those hours. This brother was evicted from her home last month and we feel this is a way to retaliate as I am her legal guardian.
Good advice by GardenArtist. I would suggest, though, that you take away brother's power by telling him to do whatever he thinks he needs to. If your mom's situation is investigated, since I assume you want what's best for her, APS may have very helpful suggestions.
Having cared for my mom who had mild dementia, it's difficult for me to believe she's really safe. You probably should make some changes.
Well, you have advance notice, or rather threats, so I'd take precautionary actions.
1. Document all his threats, detail the eviction issues, including police involvement if necessary. Keep any e-mails and texts, on a backup DVD or external hard drive, as well as print them out. The more threats he makes, the more he incriminates himself.
2. Pre-empt him by calling the APS, which would be the unit that becomes involved with alleged abuse and/or neglect issues. The Area Agency on Aging would most likely just make that recommendation. To my knowledge, they don't get involved in allegations of abuse.
3. What, if anything, has happened during these hours? Prepare written explanations to be given to APS if needed.
4. Get a monitor for her, one that alerts if she changes position or falls. Identify yourself as the first responder, with both land and cell lines; the police and/r EMS could be second responders. This provides back-up in the event something does happen.
5. From 3:30 to 11 is rather an odd sleeping pattern; is there any significance to these hours beyond the fact that you're presumably working? Is that where you are? Is Mom asleep from say 12 to 3 am as well?
6. You could also consider getting a PPO against him to prevent phone, personal, etc. contact with you or your mother.
7. I do wonder though if someone with dementia is able to care for oneself. What stage or level is her dementia? Can she get out of the house by herself if there's an emergency?
Given that your brother was evicted, there's some obvious family history that likely affects his threats, as you surmised. Some information on that would help make suggestions as there's probably a lot that's affecting his behavior, threats and/or intentions.
If he chooses to do that, you can't stop him. You can only make sure that your mother is getting the care she needs in case somebody from an agency does decide to check up.
Don't call APS and try to preempt some move on his part. Stay off their radar and don't shine a light on yourself. Prepare for it in case he does it, but don't call first. When I worked in child welfare I had a case where the13 year old boy called to turn in his mother for neglect. It turned out nothing like he expected it would.
I suspect your brother's motives, but he still could be right. A person with dementia is generally not safe on their own, and if you have guardianship of your mother that tells be she has been judged incompetent.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to provide round-the-clock coverage for an incompetent person, especially if you have to work. Been there and have the emotional bruises to prove it. My heart goes out to you. But the best course here might be to have someone else stay in the house while you are gone. Does Mother have the funds to pay for this?
And even if I'm wrong about Mother not being safe alone now, with dementia the time will definitely arrive when she will not be safe. So to start looking into it now would be a good idea.
Maybe he can come stay or pay for a "sitter" does he think you shouldn't work?if so tell him you would be happy to stay home if he thought that was the right thing if he could pay both your expenses. Maybe report him for neglect for not helping with her care. He should be grateful and thank you for what you do.
Abuse - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of an entity, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal ... en.wikipedia
Types of Abuse –loveisrespect website There are many types of abuse and they are all difficult to experience. Explore the tabs below to learn the different ways abuse can occur so you can better ...
Abuse - Helpguide website What you need to know about domestic abuse. Find expert articles on the signs of partner, child, and elder abuse and guides to getting help.
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive ... Are you or someone you care about in an abusive relationship? Learn about domestic abuse, including the more subtle signs.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Having cared for my mom who had mild dementia, it's difficult for me to believe she's really safe. You probably should make some changes.
1. Document all his threats, detail the eviction issues, including police involvement if necessary. Keep any e-mails and texts, on a backup DVD or external hard drive, as well as print them out. The more threats he makes, the more he incriminates himself.
2. Pre-empt him by calling the APS, which would be the unit that becomes involved with alleged abuse and/or neglect issues. The Area Agency on Aging would most likely just make that recommendation. To my knowledge, they don't get involved in allegations of abuse.
3. What, if anything, has happened during these hours? Prepare written explanations to be given to APS if needed.
4. Get a monitor for her, one that alerts if she changes position or falls. Identify yourself as the first responder, with both land and cell lines; the police and/r EMS could be second responders. This provides back-up in the event something does happen.
5. From 3:30 to 11 is rather an odd sleeping pattern; is there any significance to these hours beyond the fact that you're presumably working? Is that where you are? Is Mom asleep from say 12 to 3 am as well?
6. You could also consider getting a PPO against him to prevent phone, personal, etc. contact with you or your mother.
7. I do wonder though if someone with dementia is able to care for oneself. What stage or level is her dementia? Can she get out of the house by herself if there's an emergency?
Given that your brother was evicted, there's some obvious family history that likely affects his threats, as you surmised. Some information on that would help make suggestions as there's probably a lot that's affecting his behavior, threats and/or intentions.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to provide round-the-clock coverage for an incompetent person, especially if you have to work. Been there and have the emotional bruises to prove it. My heart goes out to you. But the best course here might be to have someone else stay in the house while you are gone. Does Mother have the funds to pay for this?
And even if I'm wrong about Mother not being safe alone now, with dementia the time will definitely arrive when she will not be safe. So to start looking into it now would be a good idea.
{Q} Document all his threats, detail the eviction issues, including police involvement if necessary. Keep any e-mails and texts{end quote}
Discuss your situation with a elder affairs lawyer.
Ask your Agency on Aging to conduct a safety evaluation and protect yourself.
As the legal guardian consult with your attorney to establish your obligations regarding providing care,
Abuse - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of an entity, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal ...
en.wikipedia
Types of Abuse –loveisrespect website
There are many types of abuse and they are all difficult to experience. Explore the tabs below to learn the different ways abuse can occur so you can better ...
Abuse - Helpguide website
What you need to know about domestic abuse. Find expert articles on the signs of partner, child, and elder abuse and guides to getting help.
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive ...
Are you or someone you care about in an abusive relationship? Learn about domestic abuse, including the more subtle signs.