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Unwilling, but still a caregiver. Parent lives with me, has for about 10 years. 2 years ago, we finally received the diagnosis of dementia with root cause most likely Alzheimer's. Parent behaves in various "moods", child-like speech and characterization. Adult-like to reprimand and demand their "way" and 2 ways of semi-normalcy. Parent has always been treated by family members as the child of the group (given money, given food, helped with taking care of children (3), help in finding housing, etc.) Parent has been married 5 times, divorced each. Friends fall by the wayside and are generally categorized through reasoning by parent, that they will no longer be close friends with them (lazy, poor, needy).


Parent has just enough income to be able to pay half of household expenses and have some money to push into a small savings account. I got this account back at the beginning (10 years ago), as I began then, to manage parent's finances. This financial status exceeds acceptance for Medicaid. Parent does not show ability to care for themself. They cannot prepare food, make a bed, uses a wheeled walker (but has no idea how to fold it down), cannot manage money or calculate numeric figures, is urine incontinent, and sometimes does not make it to the restroom concerning IBS. Parent cannot manage finances, answer phone calls or communicate with companies regarding healthcare, telephone services, etc. My family members are down to few (and those remianing have diseases or illness they must manage). I am 65. I have little money to support myself, with savings also not amounting to much. I have never owned a home. No assets to sell, life insurance to borrow against, or relief from family assisting. I feel I have been made prisoner to a situation that has no resolve.

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I asked the question whether she owns the home or not because it matters in how you proceed. You can get out of the situation if you want to either way, in fact I think you must for your own sanity and well being. It is only going to get worse. You need to have her placed in a home and you need to start working on your financial future.
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You said Parents savings make it so she can't get Medicaid? Then use it to place her in LTC and when her money starts to run out, apply for Medicaid. But that would mean her SS and any pension she receives goes towards her care. And that puts you in a hole if you rely on her SS.

I would assume at 65 you are collecting SS? All I can say is look around for a HUD subsidized apt. They require 30% of your monthly income for rent. You pay for electric and if u want, cable. For me, I would cancel my cable and go to an antenna but my DH likes the sports channel. I stream a lot of shows and the cost to stream is a lot less than cable. Lots of free apps too. You could get food stamps and as a Senior could take advantage of vouchers used at produce stands.

There will come a time when Mom is not here. You need to plan ahead. Yes, her saving acct will go to you and by the way that was a good idea. But that will eventually be gone. Better now at 65 than later.
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Do you rent or does parent own the home you live in?
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