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Mom has dementia.

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My lawyer told me that if any siblings ask for financial info to tell them...if Dad wanted you to know his finances he would have made you POA.
But I do think DNR should be posted in an obvious place so that if anyone is there and something happens, then EMS will have it.
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Reply to stressedmess
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There can be two separate POA documents: one for health and another for financial. "Unlike a medical or healthcare power of attorney, a durable power of attorney often does not include the authority to make medical decisions on the principal's behalf. " You need to see the document to get an accurate answer.
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Reply to liz1906
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I see no problem in a POA confirming that a DNR is in place. A Will, POAs have nothing to do with Wills because POA stops at death and the Executor then takes over. But I see no problem saying one is in place. But investments and banking, they cannot share that info.

HIPAA has nothing to do with family sharing info. It has to do with providers and them not allowing to share your information unless u allow it. Thats why in a doctors office you have to sign off that its OK for them to share your info with your insurance company or another doctor or facility.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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A LONG POST:
This is a hard issue for me personally. I didn't know HIPAA laws applied to a POA? I thought it only had to do with getting medical information from the medical personnel if you aren't included on the person's list okaying you to obtain this information. This is up to the person themselves to okay or not even if there is a POA.
I'm concerned about the idea of privacy for a POA. I didn't consider that my having the POA at the beginning that I couldn't share with my siblings. In fact, I wanted their input and support as well. I see it as team work.
Again my personal experience is that formerly since I was the medical person among the 5 siblings and only female my parents asked me to be POA. I didn't realize it was also important to have another person listed as well but now there are two persons listed as POA, first and second. BUT my situation is since I don't live where my mother is living (our dad died 9 years ago) my brother convinced our mother that he needed to be the POA but I am not even on the list as the second one.
You still can have access medical information even though you aren't POA IF you are on the patient's list of persons able to contact medical personnel. My brother is controlling and angry at me for various reasons based on our history together. So he convinced my mother to sign me off the medical listing so now I can't access medical information for her.
BUT one thing I could do when my daughter was ill in a behavioral health unit is call the medical personnel and tell them my concerns. I had a voice that way but I could not get any information from them.
Family dysfunction is a huge problem with elderly care or mental illness issues. If you have siblings or close relatives who can and are willing to help this is important. NO ONE can do this alone! It's sad that your sibling is so controlling regarding your mother's care.
And the suggestion to get outside help. I did do several Well Care Checks by our local police department and along with my younger brothers help developed a 13 page documentation of our concerns for our mother's care. This was sent to APS (Adult Protective Services). I guess they investigated but they weren't able to establish enough information about the situation. At that time I just wanted to advocate for my mother's needs but nothings was constructively done. Now my older brother who is the caregiver for our mother only thinks that I wanted to put him in prison. My choice(s) and the consequences I deal with now.

This is a long post but my story is so much better now. My brother now has gout so his daughter has moved into the house along with a close friend so they can care for her dad (my brother) and her grandmother (my mother). NOW she is getting much better care and I'm thankful for that.
The biggest thing you can do for yourself is self care - good boundaries, find a good friend and/or therapist, letting go are just some of the things you can do.
It's not easy but we all can grow and learn through these difficult situations.
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Reply to JuliaRLE
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Yes. Personal information should not be shared by POA who acts on Mom’s behalf.
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Reply to Patathome01
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Yes.
Your mom's financial affairs are no one's business, except for the person she chose to designate as POA. If you suspect that person of abusing their role to take advantage of mom's finances, then you can try taking it to court, but you'd better be prepared to show evidence of wrongdoing.

As for DNR, that is something which should be posted, clearly, near the patient, for ALL to see. It is typically on red or orange paper to stand out.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Looks like you got your answer
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Reply to Jenny10
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Yes.
The POA for Health is under no obligation to share any information. As a matter of fact to share information is a violation of HIPAA regulations.
The POA for Finance is under no obligation to share financial information. Fiduciary laws are also strict. They (the POA) are obligated to protect financial information.

If you think there is a problem you can contact an Elder Care Attorney and express your concerns.
If you think there is financial abuse you can report your concerns to your States Elder Abuse number.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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If the parent always shared the info with other siblings before and now the POA is holding back sends up red flags to me. What are they hiding and why especially if other siblings were actively involved in parent’s life
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Reply to Jada824
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First, do you know for sure that the person is actually the PoA? In many states the PoA is not required to prove they are the PoA by producing the paperwork. It usually requires a letter from an elder law attorney threatening to make them show it to a judge. But this is DEFCON 2 territory so you'd need a very very good reason to take it this far. And also because you'll be paying the attorney whether it is fruitful or not.

Social services (and court-assigned legal guardians) won't show family members this info either, no matter how they're related to the elder. When my SFIL became a ward his guardian immediately changed all the access to his accounts that I'd been managing, without any warning. Not that I cared -- I was glad to be done with that responsibility. Their job is to protect their ward, including their privacy. This is the same for the PoA.
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Reply to Geaton777
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BreezyStarr2025 Mar 5, 2026
Your insightful response help me in my situation POA for my aunt. The privacy perspective was my concern. My aunt never shared her wishes to others when they would ask her. I didn't believe it was by job. Now that her heth is declining rapidly. The POA will be null & void. However she has already added my name as beneficiary. Again Thank you for your response
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Yes.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Yes, they have confidentiality obligations.
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Reply to MG8522
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Not just can, but should. The examples you gave are mom's private business and just because she has to share with POA to get the help she needs doesn't mean everyone gets to know.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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Unfortunately, yes they can. In addition, the institutions associated with the holder of POA such as a bank, medical staff or other workers would not be at liberty to release such information.


Sadly, it can leave out loving and caring family members. It can also leave you wondering if they have something nefarious to hide.


I believe the only way around it is to hire a lawyer and seek advice. I also believe most actions they may take involve a lot of time, so be prepared.
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Reply to AppleBlossom
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Leesabrown Mar 5, 2026
Well my brother who is POA is also an attorney. So there’s that!
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Yes.
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Reply to Rosered6
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