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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Who is 80 years old? You? You're the "in-house carer" for someone who is currently receiving respite care? And feeling aggrieved about being told to sit down and stay out of it on the grounds that you're a registered nurse, is that it?
I don't feel confident making any assumptions here; but assuming that the carer is a paid, trained professional who is responsible for seeing your mother safely up the stairs and into bed, then I can easily imagine that she would not welcome your intervention in helping your mother at the top of the stairs. Should your mother God forbid end up going base over apex down the stairs, it'll be the carer who is held responsible even if she couldn't prevent the fall because you were standing in the way. Similarly she will be responsible even if you and your mother decided not to call her when your mother wanted to go to bed. The respite carer is working to a support plan and it sounds as though that plan is being undermined. And if it's you who is 80, she may also have legitimate concerns about your wellbeing.
I feel for her. We are not allowed to give orders to family members, let alone push them into the cloakroom and lock the door, but I confess I have been tempted before now.
And, for good measure, some of the most egregious errors in moving and handling that I have ever personally witnessed have been committed by registered nurses. When did you last do your annual refresher course?
Who has arranged and paid for the respite care, by the way?
The carer is 80 yrs old not me! I have just recently retired from nursing after 45 yrs. I look after my mother most of the time. It is only the standards of care and questions on the carers experience if any? on her moving and handling that is concerning. She also carries mums walker upstairs with her, which, is not only heavy but awkward. If by chance my mum did lose her balance on stairs then what chance would any of them have really? My mum can usually manage stairs well with 2 bannisters and she is a very independent minded woman, however, as l say due to a recent bad bout of pneumococcal virus she just becomes out of breath. I know what you are saying about a downstairs bedroom, however, l do not think that taking away her independence or mobility is the answer when l am sitting there and can assist?
On the face of it, there is no reason why a registered nurse should not act as second carer if the person being cared for needs 2:1 support. But there could be 101 reasons why that set-up is not appropriate in the particular circumstances you're talking about. So:
What is the setting? - mother's home, family member's home, nursing home, care home, e.g.
I stay with my mother 3 days and nights weekly. My mother usually manages the staircase, however, she is still recovering from a pnuemonia and becomes a bit more vulnerable when going to bed at night due to tiredness. The top two steps she finds difficult. I don't see any issue if l am sitting in my mother's house giving the respite carer minimal assistance? The carer is not happy and states l am doing her job?
You could just stay home. Whoever is there - you, carer, respite, whatever - you must all realize that if she's having trouble making the last two steps, she should probably not be climbing stairs at all. Please think about clearing out a downstairs room and making it her room. Near a bathroom, of course. If she takes a fall, anyone helping her is at risk of falling too, not to mention being held responsible for her injuries. This is when it's a good idea to place her in a care facility where she has the help and support she needs.
Your Mom was 15 when she had you? No, not unusual my daughter was 16 when she had her son. They kid about how they are going to be in the same Nursing Home together.
I agree with Country Mouse that you need to let the respite carer do her job. Sometimes 2 hands are not better than one. It throws you off.
I've supported people up stairs. They either hold the handrail (or wall if no handrail or hemiplegic that side). I position at their other side/back corner - so if they totter I can use my leg to block them (if lucky).
It is safer for them to hold fixed items like the handrail, than hold moveable items like people.
I get it must be nerve racking watching!
I think I would concentrate on the environment instead. Make the area as safe as I could. Good footwear. Good lighting. No rugs. No long dressing gown cords. No distractions.
This last point: having only ONE person to listen to & be directed by works better when the task is hard & concentration is needed.
Having someone screeching 'be careful!!' at every step from behind is not. Not saying you are doing that of course! But I've been there..
Margaret65, your post is a little confusing, but is this correct? The respite care giver is an 80yr old RN and mom is 93. If the RN is capable of doing her job, then try to get the rest u deserve & need. Is this the first time someone besides you has cared for your mom?
"l think that it should be the Manager of the care centre l should be dealing with"
Your saying that this 80 yr old woman is hired from an agency? Yes, I would talk to them. You are not taking your Moms independence away by moving her downstairs if its possible. Your saving her from an accident that could be serious. Use the excuse its just till she gets her strength back but for now the stairs are too dangerous.
I also agree that helping Mom up the stairs and having her walker in the other hand will throw the aide's balance off.
Who pays the aide, you or Mom? If u, your the boss.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I don't feel confident making any assumptions here; but assuming that the carer is a paid, trained professional who is responsible for seeing your mother safely up the stairs and into bed, then I can easily imagine that she would not welcome your intervention in helping your mother at the top of the stairs. Should your mother God forbid end up going base over apex down the stairs, it'll be the carer who is held responsible even if she couldn't prevent the fall because you were standing in the way. Similarly she will be responsible even if you and your mother decided not to call her when your mother wanted to go to bed. The respite carer is working to a support plan and it sounds as though that plan is being undermined. And if it's you who is 80, she may also have legitimate concerns about your wellbeing.
I feel for her. We are not allowed to give orders to family members, let alone push them into the cloakroom and lock the door, but I confess I have been tempted before now.
And, for good measure, some of the most egregious errors in moving and handling that I have ever personally witnessed have been committed by registered nurses. When did you last do your annual refresher course?
Who has arranged and paid for the respite care, by the way?
I have just recently retired from nursing after 45 yrs.
I look after my mother most of the time.
It is only the standards of care and questions on the carers experience if any? on her moving and handling that is concerning. She also carries mums walker upstairs with her, which, is not only heavy but awkward. If by chance my mum did lose her balance on stairs then what chance would any of them have really?
My mum can usually manage stairs well with 2 bannisters and she is a very independent minded woman, however, as l say due to a recent bad bout of pneumococcal virus she just becomes out of breath. I know what you are saying about a downstairs bedroom, however, l do not think that taking away her independence or mobility is the answer when l am sitting there and can assist?
What is the setting? - mother's home, family member's home, nursing home, care home, e.g.
What assistance is required?
Who is objecting to what, and why?
I agree with Country Mouse that you need to let the respite carer do her job. Sometimes 2 hands are not better than one. It throws you off.
It is safer for them to hold fixed items like the handrail, than hold moveable items like people.
I get it must be nerve racking watching!
I think I would concentrate on the environment instead. Make the area as safe as I could. Good footwear. Good lighting. No rugs. No long dressing gown cords. No distractions.
This last point: having only ONE person to listen to & be directed by works better when the task is hard & concentration is needed.
Having someone screeching 'be careful!!' at every step from behind is not. Not saying you are doing that of course! But I've been there..
I am confused.. is the 'respite carer' perhaps a friend? Not a trained caregiver aide?
Are you able to explain how the 80yo fits into the picture?
Not Mom's new boyfriend?? 🤪🤯
Your saying that this 80 yr old woman is hired from an agency? Yes, I would talk to them. You are not taking your Moms independence away by moving her downstairs if its possible. Your saving her from an accident that could be serious. Use the excuse its just till she gets her strength back but for now the stairs are too dangerous.
I also agree that helping Mom up the stairs and having her walker in the other hand will throw the aide's balance off.
Who pays the aide, you or Mom? If u, your the boss.