I have my 90+ year old parents live with me and my husband. Although I have caregivers seven days a week, I do a lot for my parents. Seeing my very ill parents each day makes me feel sick. I feel very tired and that I am coming down with something. I feel totally unmotivated and force myself to do things because if I don't do it no one else will. Has anyone felt that being around sick people all day makes one feel sick too? Having caregivers in the house all the time also means my husband and I have no privacy and that also gets me down.
I try to let it go and focus on my own health, eating right, blood sugar, blood pressure, exercise, and social activities. I try to feed my own spiritual needs with church and other people who aren't sick and infirmed. And try to have some fun times, meeting friends for lunch, concerts, special events, etc. I've heard it described as "self care." I have to place my own self care as a priority, because those who we care for really aren't in a position to do that for us. AND, they need us healthy, so we can better protect their welfare.
Take advantage of those caregivers and get out on a regular basis. Go to lunch with your husband, see a movie. If you want to take a nap give the caregivers strict instructions not to disturb you for any reason.
And there's always the consideration that we ourselves may eventually be in a similar situation.
If there are family issues, especially uncooperative or completely absent members, who also are hanging on for their inheritance, add another level of stress. And that stress doesn't stop after death.
Add them all up and that's a recipe for emotional distress and possibly illness.
I have been caring for my 93yr old mother for 12yrs. She has macular degeneration and depression. She's in my home with hubby and myself. I feel for you. I know how hard it is to be emotionally invested in caring for a parent. I understand how hard it is not to have privacy in your own home. I know the depressed state of mind and lack of motivation feeling. You sound very depressed. Please get your self some help. I know! I've been there done that and still there. I am in therapy now. Self care is extremely important. Its a must if your going to survive this challenging assignment. Reconnect with hubby, friends, kids and grandkids if any. All this was put on the back burner for me in caring for mom. Therapy has helped me to focus on regaining my life back without focusing on trying to fix mom. Find a hobby, go out to lunch with friends. Have a set regular date night with hubby. Recognize you can't fix mom and dad. They sound very cared for. Get out as much as you can to refresh your psyche.
I'm not sure how caregivers can counteract this effect. For me, I notice that I just have to get outside, even if just for short bursts during the day. Getting the sun on me and feeling the breeze. If I don't, or only manage a brief look at the sky while taking out the trash, I'm wiped out and kind of blah for the rest of the day and evening.
Our baby monitor for my dad has an option for a battery instead of just plugging it in and this spring and summer I want to use that option more to go outside while my dad is napping, instead of staying inside and snacking and web surfing, which is so easy to fall into. And fatigue-creating.
I know what you mean!
First you should get a check-up to insure that you don't have something but mainly to reassure your own mind that it is just overdoing things a bit - it could also be as simple as having low iron or low vitamin profile so ask the dr for bloodwork
Second when was last time you & hubby went out for dinner? - the repetiousness of caring for your parents can be an emotion drag on your spirit - if there is another family member available arrange that they come over semi-regularly so you can get out for movie, dinner, lectures, plays etc - this will help everyone as the change can stimulate all involved
Third you have some help for them but is there help for you & hubby - by this I mean can you have cleaning service even once a month to help you get ahead on items that fall behind like windows, wall washing etc - can someone come to do a bit of the outside work? - this would mean you would have more free time because most people can't relax knowing that the 'list' is growing all the time so by getting some items off of it then you won't feel the stress of being so far behind - if you are not behind then for sure you are really overdoing things because we all are behind a bit - when you can relax a bit each day then you feel better within yourself
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