My stepdad’s son has stepped in and snuck his dad into a nursing home against his will after my mother started showing some memory loss.
My mother and my stepdad want to be together, but the son has taken over and separated them against their wishes. It has devastated my mother.
What you need to do is protect Moms share of the assets. Medicaid allows assets to be split with Mom getting enough from their monthly income to live. She will be considered a Community spouse. See a lawyer well versed in Medicaid.
Mom’s husband called her constantly when he had a phone. Now he has no phone. It’s cruel what the son is doing.
My mom always said her husband was afraid of his son. Not sure why. I have seen the son be mean verbally to his dad, but not physically.
My mom can’t get Medicaid help because she is Marty ex and her husband had too many assets.
Is there any chance at all that you can place your own Mom who is, you admit, showing some memory loss, in the same facility at the husband? Might you and the son work together in the interests of this couple?
I am so sorry. Any such division as this adds to what is already so much pain and loss. I surely wish you the best. Try to speak with the son. Even consider family mediation. But know that when custody hearing get very nasty and divisive the court just occasionally takes guardianship themselves and appoints paid fiduciaries, taking the decision making out of the hands of the family, who then has no say whatsoever on placement, when and where, and on finances.
Good luck.
The son took over during the covid shutdown and used that as a way to separate them. He was angry when he found out his dad had bought some annuities years ago and had left some money for my mom.
My mom’s husband also had early Alzheimer’s and was still driving until he fell one day and hurt his back. So both of them at that time had their “minds” to know what they were doing and what they wanted.
I think it’s awful that people assume as soon as anyone hears the word Alzheimer’s they automatically assume that the person loses their feelings or choices.
They both still know each other and love each other.
We all have talked to to son many times. All he wants is his dad’s money. All they wanted was to be together and son refuses. He somehow got his dad to sign a POA during a covid lockdown when his dad was in the hospital for a fall. Something very off about that. How did an attorney get in to do that if my own mother was told by the sun she could not even see him, but he was only one allowed? Son also refused to let us see a copy of it.
I agreed that they both would be safer in a supervised facility, but not separated. The son wiped out their joint checking account, changed all beneficiaries to himself, and will not speak to me or my mom since he did this.
It is obvious what is going on.
I am not uninformed at all. Not once since this all happened has the son seen or spoken to my mom. We have seen his dad many times. We have spent more time with his dad than he has.
The biggest issue now is the extreme stress of this has made my mom’s health decline at a rapid pace. I know she would have much less anxiety if she could be just be with her husband. Since son stole all their money it’s not an easy issue for her at all.
This has also been a huge stress on me as well because my mom always expected me to fix all her problems.
The law is always on the side of the bad guy it seems.
"I am caring for someone with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, arthritis, depression, incontinence, sleep disorder, stroke, and urinary tract infection."
Is this your mom or step-dad? If so, one of them has cognitive impairment, among other health problems, and thus the need for a facility.
As for the placement being "against their wishes"... if one or both of them are impaired enough then it's possible they don't fully understand their situation. You cannot go by what you mom says since you've stated yourself she has memory impairment. Why don't you contact your stepbrother and ask some questions? Maybe he needs help or just some moral support.
Who is the PoA for your mom? If it's no one, this will be a problem and you should maybe consider getting involved if your stepbro is not her PoA also. If you are her PoA, then check your document to see what is required for your legal authority to become activated, as you now need to begin taking over her affairs.
FYI in my own experience with my husband's step family, there are a lot of challenges among blended adult siblings. Trust is one of them. I hope you can get all your questions answers and fears allayed.
My mom was showing some very early signs of short term memory loss after a hip surgery. She was still driving, doing all shopping, taking her husband to all dr apprs, caring for him, and paying all bills just fine.
The son took over during the covid shutdown and used that as a way to separate them. He was angry when he found out his dad had bought some annuities years ago and had left some money for my mom.
My mom’s husband also had early Alzheimer’s and was still driving until he fell one day and hurt his back. So both of them at that time had their “minds” to know what they were doing and what they wanted.
I think it’s awful that people assume as soon as anyone hears the word Alzheimer’s they automatically assume that the person loses their feelings or choices.
They both still know each other and love each other.
We all have talked to to son many times. All he wants is his dad’s money. All they wanted was to be together and son refuses. He somehow got his dad to sign a POA during a covid lockdown when his dad was in the hospital for a fall. Something very off about that. How did an attorney get in to do that if my own mother was told by the son she could not even see him, but he was only one allowed? Son also refused to let us see a copy of the POA.
I agreed that they both would be safer in a supervised facility, but not separated. The son wiped out their joint checking account, changed all beneficiaries to himself, and will not speak to me or my mom since he did this.
It is obvious what is going on.
I am not uninformed at all. Not once since this all happened has the son seen or spoken to my mom. We have seen his dad many times. We have spent more time with his dad than he has.
The biggest issue now is the extreme stress of this has made my mom’s health decline at a rapid pace. I know she would have much less anxiety if she could be just be with her husband. Since son stole all their money it’s not an easy issue for her at all.
This has also been a huge stress on me as well because my mom always expected me to fix all her problems.
The law is always on the side of the bad guy it seems.
1. If you can get proof of abuse by the stepson, whether in changing, altering or forging documents giving him authority, you might have an option to get a restraining order against his control.
2. Change in your mother's behavior could contribute to the argument for improper behavior and decisions by the stepson.
3. Banning you and family from visiting could be another factor in his inappropriate behavior.
You would more than likely have to hire an attorney with experience in contested probate or custody of elderly people though. You'd need all the firepower you can get to battle on these kinds of issues.
I'm still mulling them over and trying to sort out what the disadvantages and downfalls could be though. I don't have good feelings about this drastic option.