My Mother moved in three months ago. I am pretty sure I read in the admitting paperwork that it was not allowed. Since she has been there, the ongoing problem with incontinence has continued, along with her refusal to acknowledge that there is a problem. Or to wear depends. Just a week ago, we finally took away all her underwear. OT is coming in now to work with her on multiple things, including showering, putting on a depends brief, etc. While this has been helpful, she goes to bed with just her nightgown. Because of all the issues, we have pads on the bed. So she thinks she doesn't need to wear anything, and says she isn't having any problem. And that if she did, there are pads on the bed.
When she stands, there is a big wet spot of the carpet with urine.
I am truly ready to pull my hair out! My mother's short term memory is gone! So when I call and ask, did they come in last night and make sure you have your briefs on, she doesn't remember. Does not remember if she had one on when she woke up.
I feel like the only way I can find out anything is to constantly call the nurses station. Which I am asking about what happened the evening before with a different shift.
Honestly, I am frustrated about a lot of things with AL. My life has gotten much harder since she went. I guess I will just stick with this one issue for now. I live 40 minutes away, so I just go down twice a week for now. Not worried about abuse, but it would just help me know what was going on.
It is possible that you mom might need more assistance than AL provides and MC might be a better option
it really threw my
mother off base to move there. Her memory and all went downhill. I moved her there because she knew someone in AL I would hate to move her again. The facility has memory care. But they tell me it would not be a good fit for her. Because she is quite conversational etc. I guess most of the people In their memory care unit are much worse off. So it would be a negative. So that isn’t really an option for me. It would upset her terribly. She doesn’t require lock down. She goes out to play bridge currently. She is 95
Instead of relying on nurses that can't really do the constant watching because assisted living is just to assist where the memory care they really take care of their clients.
If it was me I would consider memory care or you will be going thru this for a very long time. Unless you pay for someone to come in and take care of your mother.
My BIL fell outside of his apartment where he was living alone he laid on the ground for 30 minutes until someone found him that is why he is in a place where they can take care of him. He still can take a shower and dress himself but does need help with other things and the place where he is now is awesome at their job.
Prayers that you can work this out for her
The camera won't solve your problems, but moving her to the proper level of care will.
Your mother, at 95, needs memory care for a higher level of care and attention from staff who will help her toilet every 2 hours and also ensure she's wearing Depends 24/7. Just bc she's talkative doesn't mean she's not in need of more care. Why do people think elders have to be drooling and bedridden to "belong" in Memory Care? She may not WANT to move there, but she needs that level of care. In her AL or a different one if her current ALF can't see the need for her to segue into that level of care.
My mother could chew the ear off a goat and lived in Memory Care Assisted Living for nearly 3 years. She was not drooling or bedridden or stupid in any way. Just riddled with dementia and in need of more care than regular AL could accommodate and not ENOUGH care to warrant Skilled Nursing.
You're frustrated with AL bc you are expecting them to care for your mother as if she were in Memory Care but she's not. What's going on is mom needs a higher level of care which she won't get in AL. In reality, you don't have to manage her care....once the staff realizes she requires more care than they can give her, then you'll be called to make a decision about where to move her next. And if this AL claims she "doesnt need mc" then ask them what their CARE PLAN is for mother to ensure she's toileted every 2 hrs and dressed in clean Depends 24/7? Put it back on them to figure this out, one way or another.
Good luck to you
As for video, you should revisit the facility guidelines and/ or speak with administration at the facility.
Please note, there are hackers out there who can hack into these cameras and place what they find on the Internet. I know I wouldn't want strangers watching my mother dress or any other personal care.
lots of activity and in with the general population. The memory units I visited were depressing. We
did put cameras in the room. One in the bedroom and one in the living room. No audio. Blink has an affordable camera. We saw dad fall three times and called the nurse station. They are setting him up with an alert necklace system and we got a better walker. The cameras allowed us to see the lightweight walker was usually the reason for the falls. His falls were always at night when he got up to use the bathroom. We did find a private person to stay overnight in his living Room area to help when he gets up and this has worked out perfectly. The ALF has actually used some of our videos for training purposes.
We had similar issues with my mom when she was in AL; she went in one week before COVID lockdown!!
The facility had wifi, so we bought an iPad and wall mount and had maintenance install it next to her bed where we could see her in bed or on her couch. I mentioned this before on the forum; it was a GODSEND! You can program the iPad to auto answer and leave it plugged in.
I usually called mom 3 times a day, my brother called 1 time a day, and my daughter called every night. Mom loved it, and we loved it. We could check on everything, and we were always chatty with the aides if they were in the room. We would tell her to urinate before bed every night and put on her depends. We stayed right on the screen until we knew she was all set and tucked in. Truly, I have no idea how we would have made it thru COVID without that.
Some places will allow you to pay an extra fee to put her on a toileting schedule. I think at my mom’s place it was an extra 1200$ per month. We didn’t need to do that thanks to the iPad.
You may also want to have her checked for a UTI. My mom wasn’t really incontinent until she started having UTI’s. Her main problem was stress incontinence; she would wet from the force of getting out of bed with a full bladder.
The aides don’t have it easy. In NY, regs allow one aide for every 18 residents. Eventually, when she did go to MC, it was one aide for every 8 residents. Big difference. But the aides at MC LOVED my mom, because she was pleasant and talkative.
Good luck!
Consider putting down a tarp with foam pad on top - for secure footing - to protect the carpeting. Or, ask that the carpeting be removed.
The next best thing is pop in often and random times, be there at bedtime a couple times, etc. Go out of the room when they help her, but listen. AL places are like teenagers: private, usually with good intentions but sometimes make bad choices. You have to figure a lot out with little info, in order to keep your loved one safe & happy there.
Bells bladder tea 1x mug per day will take incontinence away. Takes 2 weeks to build in your system. Then magic. My Mom suffered the worst incontinence. Bells guarantees for good reason.
What will cameras 'do' if your mother continually refuses incontinence care? You want to see these episodes (as they happen) ? Why? What good will that do?
RECOMMENDATION: Find someone - through a local church, Next Door, somewhere - neighbor - friend who lives in the vicinity to visit / and provide the observations you want. You likely would need to pay someone although it is worth it for another to be your 'eyes and ears' on a regular basis.
* It sounds like a major issue is your mom's refusal and questioning if she needs:
1) more or be on medication (to be more compliant to get the care she needs)
2) consider moving her to the next level of care where she will get more care and/or round the clock observation/care.
3) You / family would be responsible to bring in your own CNAs to manage care more so 'around the clock' (this is the work I did for years before I started to manage all elder care and hire caregivers).
4) Your mom will likely ALWAYS be resistant. This is part of the brain chemistry changing. Never ever argue. This will only have her dig her feet more solid in her position. Logic often (99.9%) doesn't work. Your mom needs more / different strategies to provide the care she needs.
* [Realize that] CNA's / aids are over-extended as it is (I am going through the same here in Marin County, CA facility for my friend) ... some do all they can, some don't care much - it is a mixed bag. Most / some facilities are short staffed.
- Are you speaking to the administrator of the facility?
I'd recommend you call the social worker, administrator --- someone who can talk to the CNAs / hands-on care providers. (May or may not work however, the administrator should know what's going on and manage care needs).
- Create a journal: date, time, situation and take photos. You want to document all you can.
P.S. I have a client in memory care facility and she pees 'all the time' on the carpet, requiring on going regular cleaning, paid by the family. Facility offers one cleaning per year. Your mom seems to need much more care than she is currently getting.
Gena
Touch Matters
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Based on what you are describing, your mother requires more care than she is currently receiving, indicating that she might need to be reassessed and placed in a higher care environment, like MC.