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My 90 year old Mom is in hospital to recover from hip fracture operation and she refuses to eat. She has dementia and she is wasting away quickly. She won't eat.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Does she have an advance medical directive that expresses her wishes about being given a feeding tube? Did you ever talk to her about what she'd want if she were ever in this situation? Personally, I don't see what a feeding tube would accomplish, other than to prolong her life a little while longer. You didn't say how severe her dementia is, but if it's severe, what's the point? There's no guarantee she'll want to eat after the feeding tube is removed, if it ever is. I'm sure it's distressing for you to see your mom this way, but if she's not suffering, why not let nature take its course?
She has mild dementia and lives in a retirement home looking after most of her own needs. Her lack of food has caused her to be delirious, so she won't eat. I am her power of attorney for everything. If she eats she will be back to normal, I'm sure of it.
The delirium may be caused by the surgery anesthetic. When my mother broke a hip the first time (she had mild dementia at the time) for a while after surgery she went crazy, screaming for someone to call the police, hitting and so on. It passed after a few days. As long as she's getting fluids she may just need time for the effects of anesthetic to subside.
It's been 19 days since Mom's operation and she was up standing the next day, walking two steps the next then transferred to another hospital where she has been in bed since. What really upsets me is that any doc or staff always says, "Well, she is 90!" That is not fair, Mom was alert and in good physical condition before surgery so why have they not offered some form of feeding tube option, even the doctor has not offered any feeding solution. I didn't even know about a feeding tube until a passerby mentioned it. "Well, she is 90!".....therefore, "Well that person is 80!"..... then "Well, that person is 70" and so on down the line until it's us. Age should never be an excuse for poor medical attention. I know people 50 who are way worse off than my Mom. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks everyone for your support, My Mom is all I have anymore and I'm all she has too. Just very hard to give up on her and I want to make sure everything possible is done to save her life.
hospitalmom, curious how long was your Mother's hip operation? It's my understanding for every hour one is under surgery anesthetic, it takes one month to recoup from the anesthetic. So a 3 hour operation could take 3 months to get rid of the side effects of anesthetic.
Also with anesthetics, one can feel seasick from it unless one wore a seasick patch [Scopolamine Transdermal Patch] behind the ear day or two before surgery. I know it was a godsend for me because anesthetics can make me very nauseous for weeks on end.... food was the last thing on my mind.
The "well she's 90 " thing is so typical and infuriating. My mom was in hospitsl recently getting a pacemsker. They were overmedicating her with klonopin which takes in very smsll doses, so she was quie "out of it". One of the docs came in and said "oh, she's not like this all the time?" I don't believe it's evil intent, it's just ignorance. If she only had mild dementia prior to surgery, consider the feeding tube but find out if it can be removed if she remains nonresponsive.
Fluids are certainly neccesary. I would get hold of the covering doc for a discussion
Personally I would never consider a feeding tube for my mother. In a nursing home with parkinsons, strokes and dementia, she eats very little but chows down on cookies and chocolates, along with V8, apple juice and apple pudding cups I bring her. She's 88 and just a shell now so why shouldn't she have anything she wants?
You state "My Mom is all I have anymore" which sounds like you're desperate to keep her alive for you, regardless of what she is suffering. When it's time to pass on to the next life, it's time and, when time comes, the best we can do is make that passing comfortable and pain free for those we love, be it human or animal.
Search your soul and come to terms with the fact that you may be desperately trying to keep her alive for yourself and for no other reason. Try talking to a social worker who may be able to help you see things more clearly. God Bless you both.
I hope you get some answers soon. I'm dubious about it being lack of food that's made her so out of it, though. Anesthesia can have this effect on seniors. I hope she's getting IV fluids, at least. Does her advance medical directive say that she wants a feeding tube if she's unable to eat?
Thanks so much everyone, I'll ask the Doctor tomorrow am when he gets in to work.....all great suggestions. Oh, Mom's operation was 2 1/2 hours long so the theory of one month per hour would make it 2 1/2 months to shake off the meds. I sincerely hope the doc uses some of your suggestions and can keep her alive 'til then. I've written your thoughts down so I don't forget anything and hopefully he doesn't say, "Oh, another internet physician solution!" Funny, he doesn't like Dr. Oz either...??? Thanks again folks, you have been a huge help and I'm sure Mom will thank you through me as well.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"Well, she is 90!".....therefore, "Well that person is 80!"..... then "Well, that person is 70" and so on down the line until it's us. Age should never be an excuse for poor medical attention. I know people 50 who are way worse off than my Mom.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks everyone for your support, My Mom is all I have anymore and I'm all she has too. Just very hard to give up on her and I want to make sure everything possible is done to save her life.
Also with anesthetics, one can feel seasick from it unless one wore a seasick patch [Scopolamine Transdermal Patch] behind the ear day or two before surgery. I know it was a godsend for me because anesthetics can make me very nauseous for weeks on end.... food was the last thing on my mind.
Hope your Mother starts feeling better.
The "well she's 90 " thing is so typical and infuriating. My mom was in hospitsl recently getting a pacemsker. They were overmedicating her with klonopin which takes in very smsll doses, so she was quie "out of it". One of the docs came in and said "oh, she's not like this all the time?" I don't believe it's evil intent, it's just ignorance. If she only had mild dementia prior to surgery, consider the feeding tube but find out if it can be removed if she remains nonresponsive.
Fluids are certainly neccesary. I would get hold of the covering doc for a discussion
You state "My Mom is all I have anymore" which sounds like you're desperate to keep her alive for you, regardless of what she is suffering. When it's time to pass on to the next life, it's time and, when time comes, the best we can do is make that passing comfortable and pain free for those we love, be it human or animal.
Search your soul and come to terms with the fact that you may be desperately trying to keep her alive for yourself and for no other reason. Try talking to a social worker who may be able to help you see things more clearly. God Bless you both.
Thanks again folks, you have been a huge help and I'm sure Mom will thank you through me as well.