Dad is trying hard to stay healthy with walking, excersizing and eatting a good diet. He's in the last stage of Parkinson's. He looks like he's getting sick with pneumonia. My mother has HOSPICE people there with her. She said they are only there for her and Dad. None of the family members. Mother and the HOSPICE nurse have decided NOT to bring my Dad to his doctor for medicine for the pneumonia or virus. Mom said Dad will die at home from the Pneumonia. I am confused. How can you not give your husband antibiotics to help him?? I feel she's just going to let him suffocate in his own infected lung liquid. Can anyone explain how this can happen?
Put him in the car, take him to the ER immediately and have him checked out just to be sure. Someone who's trying to stay healthy by eating right and exercising isn't planning on dying any time soon. ... And dying from pneumonia isn't what he has in mind; that's what others think he wants because they don't want to be bothered.
So take charge girl! At least you tried to do something, and whatever happens afterwards your conscience will be clear.
-- ED
Incompetent not incapacitated is the issue. Also, if you are his medical POA, you are it when your mother is there and when she is not, period. She might not like it anymore than my step-dad likes me having medical POA for my mother, but your dad evidently trusted you to take care of him and possibly your mother is trying to bluff her way through this thinking you might not talk back and use your medical POA because you are her daughter.
Anyhow, I think both your mother and the nurse are possibly setting themselves up for a wrongful death case and the nurse should be reported to the hospice manager so the nurse can be either fired or at least moved for her collusion with your mother.
It also sounds like your mother may have put you in a classic triangle between you and your dad vs you and your mother. Like already said above, either get him to the ER or call the hospital.
Has your mother been controlling of your dad all his life? Is she angry at him for some reason to say just let him die like he is?
sad she going shopping lala and her husband s at home sick with pn , its all bs to me . u said he was healthy at one time . so mom wants him to die . by gosh girl step in and ask what he wants .
Best of luck. I hope you can come out of this situation having a good relationship with your Mom. These types of things can really divide families, I hope it will not hurt yours.
Last April, Mom called me in the middle of the night. Dad was in so much pain in his abdomen area. I went there and my father was laying on the ground next to his bed. She didn't want to call 911. I did it. I could tell by the way he was pneumonia. Got him to the ER and Dad did have aspirated pneumonia. He was in the hospital for a couple weeks. Then went to rehab. Ever since then Dad has been doing really great. He loves to be outside and walks around with his walker slowly, but, just fine.
My mother is a different sort of person. Sorta like Jeckle and Hyde. What I see is she is very inpatient with him. She either wants him to sit in the living room chair or go watch TV in his bedroom for most of the day. She wants control over everything. So, she doesn't tell us much of anything concerning my Dad. Visiting Nurses and Hopice will not talk to us, even though we're his kids. If we upset her, she will not allow us to see our father. It's happened a lot.
She did tell me that when she called their doctor to have him sign the Hospice papers, the doctor said, "I thought he was much better?" So, I have no idea on what my mother told the doctor so he would sign the order??
I spent 6 hours with my Dad today. We were outside most of that time, except for his lunch. He didn't want to go inside. When the RN came from Hospice and all his vitals were great, including his lungs and breathing. She thought because he was outside moving around, it improved his circulation and breathing. She had nothing but good things to say healthwise about him. When my mother came home, my Dad started "freezing" (Parkinson's symptom) and he wouldn't talk. I think mother makes my Dad very nervous. Iy just isn't a very good situation because she has controlf him and his healthcare.
I still do not know why Hospice is there. I try to be positive and complimentary to my Dad. It really makes him happy. I'm afraid if I put him on the spot and ask him about Hospice, he'll get nervous and freeze on me. Some how, I'm going to find out though. First is, I'm going to gently ask my mother. I've been afraid to ask her, but, I cannot deal with this anymore. I love my Dad. And I just want to make things better for him.
So many of your wise replies have helped me so much. I know what to do and I know what a POA is now, too. There's just so much involved in this.
Thank-you all again! I really do appreciate what you've written to me.
Vikki
The HEPA laws in Illinois and other states are superseeded by the medical POA that evidently you have for your dad. The more I read from your other thread from last June, the more I think your mother needs a mental and physical health evaluation as well.
Now that I've read both threads, to do or not to do appears to be the crucial question of the hour?
As I sit here next to my mother, in her hospital room, I think I might understand your mother's thinking, a little. My mom came here vomiting blood and docs only found a small ulcer. She has been getting meds for that. Now she seems on the verge of pneumonia, with a great deal of chest congestion.
She cannot swallow correctly and is at constant risk for aspiration. She has a feeding tube, but only seems to be getting weaker, in spite of better nutrition. Her body seems ready to give out. With the arthritis that is crippling her along with right sided weakness from previous strokes, I wonder sometimes if we should "just let her go."
I would not be able to live with myself, if, for instance, I as her medical POA, stopped further treatment if she does progress into pneumonia. I want to comply with her wishes as stated in her living will, but this is not covered. Yet at times she looks at me and says "I shouldn't still be here"' so I feel torn.
I do not trust the local hospice program since they seem to be into euthanasia. I believe that some people that work for them feel empowered to take a life, when they don't see the quality of life they think the patient should have.
In a least one case, they gave a woman a "pain" shot even though she said she didn't need it. On the way out the door, the hospice worker told the family, "if she is not dead in a couple of hours,give me a call." She died within the next two hours. My pastor tells me he has seen this happen in many cases. This is murder.
I know not all hospice personal do these things and am happy to report a second hospice has opened in the area. They do what they can for the patient without interfering with God's plan.
So, feeling torn by my mother's decreasing quality of life, I can understand how a hospice worker could convince your mom to "let go" and not help your dad with the pneumonia. I cannot understand how your mother could cope with her choice, later, when she is alone and no hospice person is influencing her behavior.
I hope, by now, your dad has had proper treatment and you can rest easy, knowing that dad is being cared for.
In the meantime, I will keep watch, by my mother's bed and pray that God's Will, whatever that may be, is done.
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