Even though it’s pretty much time for mom to go live in a group home, I just cannot even begin to think HOW this is really done. The thought hurts my heart and is on my mind everyday.... I just don’t know the steps to even begin. She will not want to leave her home and dog! They are super close.
Some assisted living facilities and group homes accept one pet. Start by calling the Area Agency on Aging and explain what you are looking for. They have all kinds of lists of resources.
Seeing our parents need more help than we can give them is indeed heartbreaking. Hugs.
I decided, because of her dementia and the fact she is fairly compliant when it comes to doctors, that this was the easiest way to do it.
She does keep saying that she can’t stay where she is (I’m not 100% sure where she does think she is though) forever but I just reply that the doctor says she needs to stay there for now, which she then accepts.
I now have the dilemma about what to do about her home. I don’t need to sell it to cover care home fees, however, there is no point in it sitting empty and it needs too much in the way of modernisation to be able to rent it out as it is. I know the best plan is really to sell it but I feel guilty about it. I also keep thinking, what if she gets better and can go back home, even though I know realistically at 93, that is not going to happen. I am considering selling it and not telling her, then just saying everything is fine if she asks about it.
Remember you never get a 'yes' to a question that is not asked - ask around - there may be students who could do this for you
Just evaluation the dog before - so will she be good with others fussing over the dog & is the dog's temperment such that it will adjust to living with so many people
A very interesting issue, I think -- I've had to move her from her own home to IL and now to AL. In each case I had to fight for months to get her to move, do all the work myself, and put up with her complaining. Then she never wanted to leave the new place! I'm going to retire early and move across four states to have her live with me, and now she's bemoaning leaving her cute AL apartment!
so, one step at a time.... Start by looking at communities. The area counsel on aging will be helpful, as noted above. It will all work out.
You are doing what is best for her. Try to get excited that she will have social activities and be safe. It’s a job, but doable with a plan.
Those still of sound mind will have to come to the decision in their own time and unfortunately it often involves a crisis before the decision can be made.
Setting up the new accommodation as close to the loved ones previous home is an excellent step. Unfortunately if you are relying on Medicaid the quality and size of accommodation will not be conducive to bringing personal furniture. The three NHs I have recently seen were all small double rooms with a small closet and a couple of drawers. Not very homely at all but there were common rooms and activities. Usually a small half bath shared with the adjoining room. All three places did have resident pets but on the whole very depressing.
Also did not see any other residents who I would find stimulating company. Most were parked in various areas asleep in their chairs or wheelchairs.
If you have the money and can find somewhere pleasant that will be a better option.
We have some friends who moved into independant living soon after retirement and have the ability to progress to more care as needed. They do have a good social life in their community because the other residents are younger and still very independent. But the cost of getting into such a community ran into several hundred thousands of $s plus a healthy monthly rent but their residence is guaranteed for the rest of their lives.
Whichever way you look at it is a very difficult decision.