Can't get response from unit nurse. What do I do now?
I finally got my mother into what I thought was an exceptional nursing home, in October 2024. Everything was going fine until two weeks ago. I found out that my mother's aide had opened a window and turned on the air conditioner because she was hot. Until my mother's roommate's daughter contacted me, I was told she was the one who had done it. I have become the daughter's friend and found out the true story...even my mother said it was the not the daughter. I have tried for the past two weeks to set up and appointment with the unit nurse, but she is never available. Yes, I have come to the nurse's station (her office is right behind it). But again, she's never available. I don't want to go to the director again over a problem though serious as it is, but I will if I have to do so. When I found out, I immediately had my mother moved to another room. My mother has been so confused even though I told her multiple times that I was the one that requested her moving. Mom and the past roommate got along great. Now Mom is in a room with another female with severe dementia and Mom says all she does all day is sits on her bed, stares at her, picks her nose then eats it. I told Mom just don't look at her. I feel guilty because I had her moved, but at the time it was in my mother's best interests. The past roommate's daughter goes in every day during her lunch break and a few times in the evening. I can only get there every three days because of gas and availability of a vehicle nor do I want to do what I did last time she was in a rehab facility for rehab...there every day, all day because my mother didn't want me out of her sight. Now the second situation, went to see Mom today and she told me one of the men on the same floor, stripped down and was climbing into her bed. It was confirmed by the nurse's station...NO ONE INFORMED ME. I was told before I left that that resident would not be allowed that far down the hallway for the rest of tonight. That doesn't solve the problem from tomorrow on. I am calling the unit nurse again at 0700 hours to find out what is going on. Can anyone tell me if there is someone over the unit nurse I can talk to before going to the director? The website does not list a flowchart and the last time I called the social worker, she got rather hot with me. I told her I wasn't asking for representation just suggestions on what to do next. She was the one that said talk to the unit nurse.
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You can call the Ombudsman's office and make a complaint.
Your State probably has a Complaint Hotline as well.
Your State's Department of Public Health.
To file a complaint on possible sexual abuse contact the police and file a report.
Thank you for your concise directions on what to do in the future, if needed. As for the gentleman, the aides do keep an eye on him and I have turned him away from coming in my mother's room too. He was removed from the room before he tried anything, as my mother will verify and the aide who removed him has written documentation to back it all up.
Thank you for your suggestions. The situation has been rectified for the most part and I am compiling my notes with pictures, when I have my meeting with the staff.
As for the social worker, she was always helpful when I needed clarification or advice, but this last time she was clearly not listening to me until I explained to her again that I just wanted answers and I didn't expect her to do anything other than that. Isn't a social worker connected with an organization like this the same as a Patient Advocate? If not, then no wonder she was short with me. Thank you for your suggestions.
At the moment, the nursing home is working with me to get my mother on medicaid. As for the social worker, she was always helpful when I needed clarification or advice, but this last time she was clearly not listening to me until I explained to her again that I just wanted answers and I didn't expect her to do anything other than that. Thank you for your suggestions.
Not only am I keeping notes in a journal, I am also taking pictures to prove that I'm just not trying to start trouble. Thank you for thoughts.
I always do my best to talk face-to-face with whomever. A phone call is something that can be out of sight out of mind, but when they have to look you in the eye, most of the time you can get your point across without being a gargoyle. Thank you for your nonjudgmental advice. Since this has occurred, I am on better terms with the nurses and the aides that are in my mother's wing. At least, they now know why I did what I did about moving her and all the gossip has stopped about the daughter being the guilty party and I being the "female dog."
Of course it helps if they see you there all the time. I also have difficulty attending every day.
Request a meeting with them. It might help a little. Threaten you will transfer mom to another facility and write them bad review. I sympathize
with you. I am in the same situation
with my mom. Good luck.
Thank you so much for empathizing. I hope that your situation improves. If you want to discuss what was done and how it was contained, send me a private message. Maybe between the two of us, we can help each other on items like this.
Thank you for your suggestion. Situation has been rectified.
I may have missed it but the first thing to do when finding a situation like the one you were presented with would be to find the person in charge of her care team at the time and ask why the window was open with the ac on. Not acusingly simply confused and concerned. Then if you don’t get an answer you are comfortable with contact the unit nurse and if she isn’t responsive the first couple of times you attemp to contact her contact the director or the person in between them in the chain of command. If you don’t get a response from the director the first or second time then let them know you will be contacting you ombudsman. I wouldn’t consider moving facilities just yet, they are all short staffed and it’s never going to be without issues wherever she is. It sounds like you spent time and effort carefully choosing this place for your mom and it sounds like she had settled in well, if moving her room confused her so much moving her to a new facility is likely to be traumatic for both of you so you really need to weigh the pluses and minuses.
Thank you for understanding the situation and not jumping to the conclusion that I run around the nursing home looking for things to complain about. As you stated, that's exactly what happened. After the daughter and I had a chance to discuss it all, that's when I found out it was an aide and not her. If that was prevalent from the gitgo, I would not have gotten my mother out of (at the time) horrid situation. The daughter and I have also discussed moving my mother back, but I don't want to cause more problems with the staff changing everything back to the other room. Plus, mom is settled where she is located and they are still in the same wing. Maybe down the road, after my meeting with the staff, things can go back to the way they were. The daughter does check in on my mother and brings me up to date as I am still unable to get down there more frequently. She lives in the same area as the nursing home, whereas I have a 30 to 45 minute drive one way and only one vehicle between three drivers and their workplaces.
Thank you so much for answering my question. This is exactly what I was asking help for to know who to go to without causing an uproar. In the interim, I have finally gotten straight answers from those I needed to talk with. Of course, there will always be problems like Mom's tray with her drink, etc on the other side of the room, her call buzzer nowhere near her and laying in a soiled diaper because of no one available. I have never expected them to jump at Mom's beck and call, but they can be more on top of things when they do change her.
If you involve Ombudsmen and DONs, you're asking for more trouble. Can you write an email asking for a care conference instead? You're new at this and of course you have moms best interest at heart. But there are things you will have to let go of and other things you will have to fight harder for. Everything can't be a battle, in other words, or you'll be singled out as The Troublemaker. When you're very upset, stop and take a long deep breath and do nothing until you've calmed down.
Best of luck to you.
Everything has been straightened out. As far as the other stuff you have pinned on me, if you look at my bio, you will see that I have taken care of family members and special education children for many years.
It wasn't just opening the window. We are talking October 2024; It was cold then. Not only was the window opened but the air conditioning was turned on. Again, the reason my mother was moved was due to the Nurse's Station telling me that it was opened and turned on by the roommate's daughter. My mother needs heat. She has three blankets on her in bed at any one time. The daughter knew this as we talked the first time we ran into each other in the room. I now know the true events and have discussed the man in Mom's room with others. It has now been straightened out.
As far as scheduled meetings with family members I was told once every two months. It should be soon that I will have another one.
I have talked several times with the daughter and she now checks on my mother when she comes in at lunch time to be with her mother. She just had her meeting and laid everything out there. I know that one of the mucky mucks over the nursing homes happened to be there and sat in on the meeting with her and the staff with permission. Several of the aides have been shifted to other rooms and no longer have anything to do with her mother or mine. The aide my mother now has is as sweet as she can be. My mother smiles every time she is mentioned. Mom cannot remember her name but knows her on sight. Once we are back to having two vehicles, I can take one and do a surprise visit just to see for myself, plus I no longer put when I'm going to show up on Mom's calendar. Thank you for your thoughts.
Situation has been rectified. Thank you for your thoughts.
ring them and say fur done if reason she hasn’t answering my calls and I have a serious issue tvat needs clearing up
The situations have been taken care of by myself, the daughter and a mucky muck. My mother has a new aide and the one responsible for all the beginning trouble has been moved to another area. I just hope she is more conscientious with her new residents. Thank you for your thoughts.
First, perhaps the nursing home you chose was not as exceptional as you expected.
Second, I think you may have been a little rash in moving your mother away from a roommate she liked. Over what, opening a window? The roommate has a very attentive daughter, whom you have developed a relationship with. Why would you change that?
Third, if calls to the social worker are not getting satisfaction for you, there should be someone who is a family liaison, ombudsman, a director, the director of nursing, you won't know what their title is for the contact person you want. Try asking the person who answers and directs the phone calls when you call.
The unit nurse is very busy. When my husband was in a nursing home, I communicated with the nurse in charge by slipping written notes under her office door. Be nice. Be brief. A bunch of accusations and complaints are going to be met with resistance, or they simply will not want to talk more with you. Try and find a way of presenting your concerns and questions with respect to the people who are doing the hard work of caring for our loved ones.
Speaking of presenting your concerns, the nursing home should schedule meetings with family members, or representatives of the resident, and a team of care providers for a monthly or quarterly information sharing. This is to discuss the patient's needs, progress, answer any questions the family has,... etc.
It wasn't just opening the window. We are talking October 2024; It was cold then. Not only was the window opened but the air conditioning was turned on. Again, the reason my mother was moved was due to the Nurse's Station telling me that it was opened and turned on by the roommate's daughter. My mother needs heat. She has three blankets on her in bed at any one time. The daughter knew this as we talked the first time we ran into each other in the room. I now know the true events and have discussed the man in Mom's room with others. It has now been straightened out.
As far as scheduled meetings with family members I was told once every two months. It should be soon that I will have another one.
I have talked several times with the daughter and she now checks on my mother when she comes in at lunch time to be with her mother. She just had her meeting and laid everything out there. I know that one of the mucky mucks over the nursing homes happened to be there and sat in on the meeting with her and the staff with permission. Several of the aides have been shifted to other rooms and no longer have anything to do with her mother or mine. The aide my mother now has is as sweet as she can be. My mother smiles every time she is mentioned. Mom cannot remember her name but knows her on site. Once we are back to having two vehicles, I can take one and do a surprise visit just to see for myself, plus I no longer put when I'm going to show up on Mom's calendar. Thank you for your thoughts.