Caregiver sleep help! Any suggestions?

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Caregiver sleep help! Any suggestions?

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I care for my dad with dementia in my home. We have a video monitor which we use at night, and have his sleep habits pretty much under control. I fall asleep fine. I can wake up on my own in the middle of the night, like to use the bathroom, and go back to sleep just fine. However, when Dad calls for me in the middle of the night (this week was BAD, it was four nights in a row because of gas issues with his colostomy, and then last night it was my daughter not feeling well, I need SLEEP, lol!) I wake on high alert/with high anxiety and I CANNOT go back to sleep. I’ve tried oils, breathing & relaxation techniques, and melatonin. I’m just so amped up after I take care of that situation, that nothing works. Any suggestions?

Anxiety Family Caregiver Sleep Issues

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I hear you Carolann
Without enough sleep, I am a zombie.
It’s good that your dad is normally able to sleep through the night and that this week was unusual.
I have two ideas. Increase the Magnesium in your diet. Here is an interesting article and you can find many suggesting magnesium is important for sleep, even depression and anxiety.

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/magnesium-and-sleep

My second thought is that you need a plan for backup. No matter how good a sleep aid is, you have to be able to spend some time in bed. After one sleepless night, you need to find someone to come in and manage things so that you can get sleep. Your reserves are depleted.
And since dad is normally sleeping during the night, I’ll assume he’s needing attention during the day.
See if you can find a friend, relative or agency who can come in for those second nights to allow you to refresh.
Last year a cousin with Covid was taking care of both elderly parents with Covid and two other family members. She needed sleep. She couldn’t get anyone to come into “Covid house”. She asked her sister to monitor her dad on the cameras so she could get sleep. She did this for a few nights and it allowed her the ability to feel things were ok enough for her to sleep awhile. At its worse her dad had to be taken to the hospital twice where he was kept for several days each time, which allowed her to sleep. Not wishing your dad to need to be taken to the hospital but for the long haul you need backup.
Respite care for your dad might also be an idea. How long has it been since you have had a few days away from caregiving?
I hope you sleep well tonight and awake refreshed.

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Thank you! He was in the hospital from Thanksgiving day till January 4, so not that long, this stretch. And normally this is very occasional, this is just a bad week, and I have the stoma nurse scheduled for next week. I think the overall problem is a fit issue with him losing 60 lbs rapidly.

I will try the magnesium, definitely. I can’t get an agency to come out for respite care because he can’t handle his colostomy independently, so even if I hired someone for one overnight so I could sleep in peace, they would still wake me if he had a colostomy issue. That’s been a little frustrating and something I didn’t understand when I took on this task! If I as an untrained caregiver can change his colostomy, I don’t understand why trained aides can’t, but I guess I don’t make the rules. Oh well, hopefully tonight will be better!

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Generally when we cannot get back to sleep having been woken that way it is because our brains become too active and we cannot turn off our thoughts and worries - not nice and very wearing and anxiety causing.

In the days of cassette players - I guess we all remember those on here although younger people don't -one could get a tape of being talked through relaxation. I know that in the UK we can get the same on CD (almost as hard to play as a tape these days but personal players with headphones are still around). There is a man Paul McKenna who has made a series of CDs - I don't know if they are available in USA, but they probably are on ebay uk if not USA. Playing something quietly that you have to concentrate on to "force" relaxation, can be very effective - I have used it for panic attacks - and in time one becomes able to achieve the end result without the "tape". Not an instant solution but very helpful and building to a long term effect which can be life changing. If you can find such a thing then give it a go. Good luck.

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Thank you! I’ll look into it!

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I am taking a high quality melatonin and it works quickly. I am on high alert too and had trouble getting back to sleep. I have been taking it off and on for about two months. I also use a black eye shield. The best sleep ever now.

NATROL Melatonin 5mg Extra Strength strawberry flavor
Bought at Costco's

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Just want to say, I too am like you. Mom only woke up once during the night but by the time I had to go down to her room, show her is was dark outside, then tuck her in, I was wide awake. When she was in the AL I had a aide call me at 6am to tell me Mom fell out of bed. Never got back to sleep. My problem is I can't take sleep aides. Even the ones that claim you won't have morning drowsiness I do feel "out of it" when I wake up. Never tried Melatonin. I had Mom for 20months and ended up placing her in an AL. Was lots better for her and I got a decent nights sleep.

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I will check out that brand, thank you!

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I can empathize. My hubby gets confused around the time of the full moon. He will wake me up and ask me if I've fed the dog, if I want breakfast, is it time to get uo, etc etc etc. I trained myself to go back to sleep quickly. It will take 3 or 4 days, maybe more, but it will work. Start counting from 5. Inhale and think 5. Exhale and think sleep. Inhale 4, exhale sleep. Inhale 3, exhale sleep, etc until you get to 1. Then start over. Concentrate on the number and the word sleep. Keep doing it. You will go to sleep.

Our brains will fulfill our thoughts. If we lie there and think I can't sleep, then I won't sleep. If I think I'll never be able to go back to.sleep, then I won't.

I worked shift works for 8 years, two weeks per shift. The easiest shifts were the repetitive 8 hours (8-4, 10-6, 4-12, 12 mid -8a) The worst shifts were 8-4 one day, 4-12, the next, 10-6, the next, 3-11, etc. One of the other Inspectors told me this trick and I've used it for 30+ years. It took one of my friends about 10 days to master it, but she did.

Having said that, I would love to sleep an uninterrupted 8 hours. But I'm afraid that day will be here sooner than I want.😔

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Try Holy Basil.

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While it may be helpful for some, one should read the whole webmd page (a lot of NEXT buttons!), esp the "Insufficient Evidence for" section, which lists sleep under Stress:

https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-1101/holy-basil

Side Effects:
"When taken by mouth: Holy basil is POSSIBLY SAFE when used for up to 8 weeks. Taking holy basil might cause nausea or diarrhea. There isn't enough reliable information available to know if it is safe to use for longer than 8 weeks."

Wonder which is worse, lack of sleep or nausea and diarrhea...

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I did the high alert for close to a year until he died. It’s been 3 months since then and I am still not back to normal. I will Never do it again as it would ruin what is left of my health. paid caregivers are the only solution and NO video audio monitors at all.

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You have to be careful with Melatonin & the elderly. After reading several papers on it, I give m 103 yr old grand 1/2 of a 3 mg quick dissolve half an hour before bed. She has advanced dementia, and so far so good. here is a link to 1 paper. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6699865/

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Hi, pretty sure she was talking about herself not being able to fall back asleep. When the one care for wakes you suddenly it extremely hard to just go back asleep. I totally understand where’s she coming from.

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If you get a workable answer - SHARE. I am operating on about 11 hours since 2/22

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I’m sorry!! It’s so awful!

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It’s so challenging, I’ve worked on little things like watching what I have for dinner, taking a bath before bed, etc. The one I use the most: shows lined up on my iPad, ones about the stars and the universe and whatnot have been the best for me! There’s a surprising amount of those and other comforting documentaries on Prime Video and on Netflix, once you find one then others get offered up. May sound odd but I realized how much I passed out when I sat down to watch something so now I plan it out that way, and with a subject that’s good for my psyche vs. my regular detective shows, etc.
And of course, if you can get it in, exercise during the day may help you get and stay tuckered at night.
Wishing you all the best, going without sleep sucks!

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I had same issue. I live in state where medical marijuana is legal and was suggested for me. Let me suggest trying this for you. There are many different choices and they will help you find what works for you... Cbd or otherwise.
Good luck!

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You do not mention a husband. Had friends years ago that husband would take night shift (slept in room near the parent) so spouse could sleep full night. Perhaps spouse could do on call nights on the weekend?

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I have a Rx for a benzodiazepine called Klonipin. It’s only 1 mg. And I only take one if I can’t get back to sleep due to worry or anxiety or I know that I need a god night's sleep. I rarely ever use it but it is an anti anxiety agent and will calm those thoughts down so you can get back to sleep. It was extremely helpful when I cared for dad. My physician had no problem prescribing it for me. Just don’t take them every night as one can become dependent on them.
now days if I wake up and feel I can’t get back to sleep, I take a 100 mg Tryptophan capsule and sometimes add a 3 mg quick dissolve melatonin lozenge. (Nature's Bounty brand).

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Short answer. You need someone to help you. Whether it’s a nursing home or in home care The management alone is a full time job. No one can both manage what you’ve described and administer care.

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I have turned on podcasts that are long and are on boring subjects, put in one earbud so I can still hear my hubby if he needs me, and zone out after a few minutes.

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Klonopine seems to be the best answer, so far, since your inquiry states that you’ve tried all the relaxation steps. I’d suggest see your doctor, and try a prescription of something like Ambien, first. If that doesn’t do it, try something like Clonipine.

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Whate error the nightly issues are. Check with your Dad's Dr to let him prescribe something to help with the gas and or ask him about giving your Dad a 5mil of Melatonin at night to help him sleep.

My Dr said it was alright to give it to my 96 yr old Dad with dementia.

Also my Dad likes a snack before going to bed as he doesn't eat much at meals.

You may also try a cup of Sleepy Time Tea right before bedtime along with the melatonin and try playing some relaxing music like sounds of nature like ocean waves.

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Please talk to your doctor about your sleep anxiety issues. Being in the midst of "fight or flight" adrenaline rushes at night will keep anybody from sleeping. He/She can prescribe medications and treatment to help you relax and stay asleep.

It might also be a good idea to hire somebody to "take a night shift" a couple of times per week so you can just relax and sleep. Hire a sitter for minimum wage, or ask a family member to help, so you can just sleep and know that somebody else will attend to your father at night.

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Very helpful response

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Ive been through the same thing. I just brought Dad back home from Nursing Home. Our current home care nurses are coming to the house everyday to check his vitals. We found pressure sores in his heels. Nurses said nursing home just left him in bed the whole time and didn't get him up. Anyways...I recently found some Rain videos on YouTube that run for 10 hours or less. It calms me down to sleep. Even though I still get up about 3:30am to check automatically on him I get back to bed to sleep again with the rain sounds. It's so peaceful and calming I was surprised it's working for me so try it out. Good luck. No matter what it's better than Dad being left alone in his room laying in bed getting sores on him.

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I like the waterfalls but those are all great aren't they.

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Im sure you was sleep deprived when your children were bAbies. What did you do then? Of course you were younger it I'm going to advise you to take a nap while he is sleeping. Your husband or children or whomever is there to keep an eye out during the day so you can take a rest of a nap. If you don't take care of yourself you will not be able to care for your father. You could put him in long care facility. Good luck God bless

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My go to for insomnia is to thank our Beloved Father for all the blessings big and small He has shared with me through out the day. At first it is difficult but with practice you can do it. I never finish the prayer but end up going into a peaceful nights sleep.

The second go to is to download white noise from youtube. I prefer waterfalls. But try them out and see which ones you like. As well, put two drops of rose oil on each side of your pillow every night. That should do it.

I used to get very little sleep because of being a worry wort. Not anymore.

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I count. ONE on inhale TWO on exhale. Only those two numbers. If you stray a bit with thoughts, just start again. Only thing that works for me. Good luck, God bless

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Sleep is so important and can be so hard to get. After my mom's stroke I needed a way to drown out my constant disturbing thoughts at night that usually had me in tears. Occasionally various guided meditation sessions or soothing mediation music, all found free on YouTube, or a free app called Sleep Orbit that allows you to customize the nature sounds you want to hear, helped. This may sound strange but what's worked best for me for a few years now (& thankfully for my husband too) are old time radio plays. The best one for us is the series of 59 half-hour episodes of "Barrie Craig, Confidential Investigator" from the early 1950's. There's a huge variety of radio plays and shows you can download free. Google "Old Time Radio Researchers Group" or "Internet Archive" to see what's available. I've tried many series but found the easy going pace of this series and actor William Gargon's voice soothing even though someone always gets killed and he gets conked on the head in almost every episode. My husband and I each keep an iPad near our side of the bed and turn on an episode whenever we need to. I played some for Mom and she liked them too. There are also musical shows, comedies, etc that perhaps your Dad might enjoy. I wish you good sleep and pleasant dreams Carolann2244 during this difficult time in your life.

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Thanks for the old radio plays tip! This sounds like something my dad would love.

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If having to care for him and in addition have your own responsibilities is physically and mentally harming you, then you know what you have to do. Either find someone to take care of him completely at night so you can sleep or you place him. This should not be happening to you and will eventually cause illness, etc. for you. No one should be subjected to these conditions.

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l go to bed around 1 a.m. and wake up around 3:30 - 4:00 a.m. and can't sleep. So I sit and read for as long as it takes to make me fight to stay awake. Then it is time for me to go back to bed and I am dead to the world - just get up a bit later the next morning. It works where nothing else will work. Or you an take a sleeping pill when you first go to bed and you will be so tired all night you will go back to sleep.

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Am caregiver who sleeps in the bed with her. Yes I have trouble going back to sleep too. I get the adrenalin rush aspect.
I use Alexa to play Meditation or Spa channel on Amazon music.
oils don’t help much due to the smell of smoke etc in her room. I am a Christian so prayer helps calm my mind.
lastly, I’ve begun sipping on chamomile tea before bed.
lastly, when they nap, you nap. Just like when my babies were little.

best of all and hugs.

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Imho, sleeplessness is very difficult although I do understand that you're getting SOME sleep. Perhaps you require an aide.

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A lot of individuals on here may not like this answer, but have you ever considered THC/CBD? I discovered this late in life and while I was caregiving for 5 years with my ALZ mother, I tried it and it worked wonders with my sleep, attitude and overall anxious behavior. It's legal here in CA and medically in most states. Good luck.

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I did use CBD oil for anxiety a few years ago and it was helpful but so pricey. I will look into it again.

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How is it that a stoma nurse needs to wake you up to help change his bag? Perhaps I misunderstood?

You cannot go on being deprived of sleep. Sleep is essential.

If I were in your position with his output being unpredictable, then I would go see his doctor and see about putting him on a new diet and not feeding past a certain time. Also ask about giving him Gas-X. You cannot live like this!

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NYDaughterInLaw: I believe that the OP states that the stoma nurse is set up to come next week.

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My doctor agrees with my using Sativa (cannabis) gummies, 1 10mg. a night.

very calming. Works like a charm. No feeling of “being high”. Benzodiazepines can cause memory problems. No known side effects with the cannabis. I live in California where it’s legal and readily available.

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Caregiver sleep help! Any suggestions?

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