My mother has a myriad of health issues - she has been diabetic for 10+ years, but things started taking a turn for the worse in late fall of 2016 when she went into the hospital for a bleeding ulcer. Then in April of 2017 she fell and broke her hip, had a terrible reaction to the surgery, was delirious, had kidney failure and had to start dialysis; she also had a stroke. During her time in the hospital she was in the Medical ICU with sepsis, and had to be intubated. At one point the doctors did not think she was going to make it. Well – she pulled out and ended up in rehabilitation for over 2 months. While she was there she was violent, could not remember grandkids names, and was just out of her mind. Eventually things did clear – after many visits to the hospital and rehab units. She was finally discharged to an Assisted Living facility, where she continued to progress for several months. She got to the point where she did move out of the Assisted Living and went to an Independent Senior Apartment. Well – she ended up having double by-pass in January (which went surprisingly well) – another stint in rehab then back to her apartment…. Just to get sick and end back in the hospital with more delirium. She was recently discharged back to the old Assisted Living facility, with mention of a horrible UTI and Vascular Dementia. I have been dealing with all of this since 2016. I was then pregnant, and am now dragging an almost 2-year-old to at least 3 doctors’ appointments a week, to and from dialysis, on top of trying to deal with her finances, and selling the 2 houses she owns and has not taken care of in the past 15 years. I also have an 11-year-old son that this is affecting as well. It is beyond stressful, and I just want to get my life back. I did not stop work to deal with my mother. I stopped working to take care of my baby – who is now a toddler. Thanks for reading all of this – it’s a horrible vent I know, but I am beside myself. There is no end in sight. My sister does help a very little with a ride occasionally to dialysis, but I am left to fend for everything else. I feel like this/she is ruining my life.
First, is assisted living really a high enough care level for your mom? Would a nursing home be able to bring more of her medical help to her, with less appointments off site? They certainly could treat her uti, for example.
You can't do everything yourself. Not possible. Something has to give. Prioritize the many things you do, and decide which things don't require you, personally, to be involved. You could hire a nanny or put your toddler in day care, but that would probably be starting at the wrong end of your priority list! You want to spend more quality time with your children, not less!
Unless flipping houses or selling real estate is your profession, consider turning that over to professionals. What if you sold the two houses "as is" for a lower price, but freeing up acres of your time?
Talk to the dialysis program and let them help you figure out a transportation schedule that does not involve you dragging your sweet toddler around.
Do you have as much of Mom's finances set up online as possible?
You can't do it all yourself. Not possible. Something has to give. Spend some time figuring out what you can hand off. If you don't control where things "give" it will happen anyway and not necessarily in the optimal ways.
I agree, sounds like Mom may need more care than an AL. I had to place Mom in a NH. A lot of my responsibility was gone. They provided a room, food, showering, activities, laundry, toiletries. All I had to do was visit. I used their doctor (lucked out, he was her primaries stand in at the Hospital because primary had no privileges so doctor knew Mom). They have an eye doctor and dentist. I cut out doctors I felt she no longer needed for whatever reason. See if Medicare or supplimental insurance will cover the cost to transfer her to and from the Hospital for dialysis.