I just got a copy of the letter the dr. sent to DMV asking that her license be suspended. The case worker told me to get the keys. I know I will be met with resistance and a big scene will ensue. The dr. then suggested removing the battery. I can go early in the morning and do this without them knowing but they may just think someone stole it. I am thinking of calling the police and asking for advice or help. Has anyone ever had experience with this type of situation?
I heard a guy say once that he removed his mother's battery and she called Triple A when her car wouldn't start. They told her the car had no battery. She said well put one in it.
So taking the battery might not work if mom has snap and resources. If you don't think she would do that, you could give her a copy of the letter from the doctor after you remove the battery.
I like the idea of calling the police. I'd like to know what they tell you.
Different people do different things. Some people say that you would be stealing by taking the car or the battery. Do you have POA for your mom?
There are many posts on this site on this subject. You can search elders driving or something similar and get many ideas.
If so, the driving has to end. If you're not up to mechanical stuff, try and find someone who can help you. There are easier ways to disable a car than removing the battery. Just pull the starter relay. Small fuse /like thing under the hood.
Then make plans to get rid of the car. Mom may get confused with the car still there. And, make the doc the bad guy. Good luck.
You: YOU get the dam' keys!
What sort of case worker, by the way? Because actually, depending on why she's been assigned to this case, she may be able to do that. Then you can assume an innocent expression and say "oh poor mother - but, tsk, sigh, it's the law, what can you do?"
I'd make sure there are no backup keys. Also, who is this case worker?
You state that your father is blind, but, is he mentally sound? Can he understand the situation and offer some reason in the matter? Does he understand the liability that attaches for people driving in her condition? It's a huge liability and even people with insurance face personal liability of their home and other assets if they injure someone while driving negligently and if her husband allows it, he may too. Maybe, a lawyer or the insurance agent can explain it to husband, so he can get on board.
They in-turn sent her a renewal notice for her drivers lic. We didn't end up taking her to be re-tested because she missed the scheduled appt of retesting.
Did you know, in most states: You cannot get insurance coverage on a car, that the owner doesn't have a license!
Hope this helped!!
If dad is mentally okay, I might try to explain the liability that his wife and him have if she drives and kills someone. Consult with an attorney, but, in most jurisdictions, even if their insurance pays a claim, a victim's estate may go after the personal assets of the driver and her spouse. Check the laws in your state, but, it would be a big concern for me. If your siblings are concerned about inheritance, this might get their attention.
Regardless, the driving will have to stop if the doctor, Social Worker and DMV say so. It may be hard for them to deal with, but, they'll have to accept it. I'd work on getting them alternate transportation.
I went through this with my father. I took him to his doctor and sat there in the room with him. The doctor asked if there were any questions and I told her that he still wants to drive. The doctor responded directly to him and said "No" and then explained why. It has to be done in person and it has to be the doctor telling her she can no longer drive. After this meeting I got rid of his car and there was no further discussion about it.
Have a plan in place to address their transportation needs. You can't just leave them stranded at home. One of our teenagers drives MIL to and from dialysis 3x a week. On the other weekdays, we hired a helper to take them to run errands, out to eat, etc. Husband and I do dr appointments. This seems to be working well.
I was also told in an Alzheimer's group that if the MD did report the matter with the DMV to contact the police for advice and assistance. If it's a good department, they will help. I did talk with them prior to taking the car in case my MIL called the cops on me. They were helpful. I know of one instance where the family called the police (after they sought assistance in person) when the family member took the car. The police caught up with him, pulled him over, found the revoked license in the system, and brought him home and had the car towed to a friend's home. Yes, he was angry and horrible about it, but eventually it settled down.
I found it easier that the MD, as much as he didn't want to do it, became the bad guy. Caregiving is hard enough and I needed a third party - her own trusted MD - to make it clear it was a medical decision and would be reported if she didn't comply. No, the MD can't take the keys, but being in the room with your loved one and the MD as he/she tells them they cannot drive any longer could be helpful as a reminder of the "why" when you physically remove the keys and vehicle.
No easy or "right" answer, but I wish you luck and peace as you navigate through this difficult situation.
When my stepdad passed away, and I was "in charge" and trying to pack Mom up and move her out, she somehow thought she was going to get her driving privileges back. I would say things like, "Let me drive, you are under a lot of stress and grief right now." One day she got really angry at me, so I emailed her doctor and asked her to write a note saying that she did not think Mom should be driving. The doc wrote it on a prescription sheet, but I never had to get it out. Once we moved, Mom realized she would get lost all the time and finally gave up the quest to drive.
When she asks about the car, say you will check and see if it's ready, there were lots of issues that have come up. Eventually she will stop asking. We found that if a similar car was parked out front, mthr tried to climb out the windows to drive off in it, even without keys! So park *your* car where she can't see your car from the house. :)