CBD oil is a miracle pain reliever, but I need help keeping Mom's spirits up. Any suggestions?
Mom is so sad. It breaks my heart to see her cry. She is so disgusted that she is in such bad shape.
She can barely walk anymore. She has surgery scheduled for July 25th to unblock the first corrotid artery. Then 6 weeks later, the second will be done. She will be awake for the both procedures, and is stressed about that. She needs this surgery as she has had 2 strokes and a few TIAs.
She shakes and trembles very badly. She's very wiped out and everything is an exertion. She has COPD and still smokes. Her hands are so arthritic she can not light the lighter. What a joke. I can't fight with her about this anymore!
Her spirits have plummeted. She really just can't take it anymore. She was always on the go. I'm constantly giving her pep talks and even point out she's on the potty pot.
She does want to get better though. And isn't open to hospice.
She is always constipated and has stomach pains from it, she hardly eats because her stomach hurts.
She also has short term memory loss.
She also feels she's a burden on us and an intrusion in our home. Poppycock! We love having her!
On a good note the CBD oil has helped her severe leg pain. She would have constant pain plus shooting stabbing feelings. She'd break down because of it, and could never just relax. This oil, just a few drops under the tongue, has been a life saver!
I just don't know what to do about her depression. She is on Xanax, as needed, and Lexipro.
Where do I go from here? Even the smallest suggestion might help. Thanx for reading. I didn't know it would be this hard.
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What I'm thinking is that there's so much going on that she's overwhelmed, and literally isn't able to see her way out of the situation. Since the leg pain is abating, try to focus on that as part of a complex problem with multiple factors and solutions.
You might even make an "illness tree", something akin to a flow chart linking the illness symptoms to potential remedies, so she can see, on paper, that there are solutions to some of her problems, and follow (on paper) the steps that need to be taken.
I'm sure that right now she's completely overwhelmed and feeling helpless. Somehow, you have to work on either changing or modifying that perception.
One step at a time might help to narrow the scope of her problems and help her see that there might be a way out, or at least some better solutions than she has now.
What did she enjoy doing when she was younger? Did she garden? If so, bring her flowers. Does she have a favorite vocalist? If so play CD's. Does she like animals? Ask neighbors to bring their pets over for a therapeutic visit.
I know these sound like simplistic answers b/c at some point there's just no way to present aging life in an upbeat manner. But if you can focus on one major issue, then gradually address solutions to the peripheral issues, you might at least be able to get a foothold.
What a GREAT idea...an "Illness Tree"! But I'm going to name it a "Wellness Tree". There's more of a *hope sound* to it. I love it.
I'm going to the store for oaktag, a nice bright yellow one. I'll have my son draw up a nice big tree. He's an amazing free hand sketch artist. They sell flowered shaped post it notes, in multiple colors. Those can be the problems and an alternate color can be the solutions. I can cut out leaves from Green construction paper and write positive affirmations and silly fun saying on them! I'm so excited!
She probably is quite overwhelmed, this is a lot to wrap ones head around.
She really needs a boost today. My baby brother called this morning. He's packed and him and his sons are on their way to their new home in Utah! He's the one who lost his wife last summer.
Him and Mom have always lived in the same town. She was involved in his and then his families lives forever. We knew they where moving, but thought I'd be the end of next month. He should have visited with her first. IMHO. I don't think they will see each other again. I know Mom doesn't have long for this life.
Thank you so much for your ideas. I'm going to DO positive things instead of just SAYING them! 🌹🌼🌷🌳
Mom's misunderstanding about Hospice is so common. I hope you have a good conversation with the provider and can come to a fruitful decision. (((((((Hugs)))))))
She absolutely thinks Mom has Parkinson's. She's very concerned about the risks involved in these surgeries. Mom's declining so fast, that she's been in bed these last few days. Just getting her to the bathroom, a few feet from her room, is a mission. I even have to get her off the toilet, her legs are so weak. Plus we have the commode with the arms and she still can't get up.
So taking her for all the pre- surgery testing, chest x-ray, Cardiologist, blood and urine etc....will be awful for her.
The recovery will be rough too as she will have a drain coming from her neck when she comes home. A nurse will be coming by to drain it. Who knows how long that'll be for.
Then 6-8 weeks later, we do it all over again. Whew!
I asked her about hospice. She said she'd totally support me in that. Told me some info on it and said to talk about it with Mom. She is sending them by next week to talk to us. She did however, say Mom could live for years on hospice, with a blood thinner.
We both also feel, what's the sense of Mom going through all that, just to go down hill with Parkinson's.
Came home told Mom what was said. God, that was tough. It almost killed me to see her chin quiver and tears roll down her face as I explained hopice to her. She thought she'd be put in a facility somewhere and left to die! I assumed she felt better when I told her she'd remain here with me. Until she looked right at me and said... "Pep, I don't wanna die."
Sh*t how do people do this?!? She's my girl.
Anyway, we had a good cry together. Watching her come to grips with the fact her life is ending....is brutal.
Thank God we only have one Mother.
DH is so sweet, he built a ramp to go on to the back deck. So I can just wheel Mom out there in her chair. I wish she'd eat.
You might even want to change the colors of the leaves, i.e., the carotid issue could be represented by a green leaf once the surgeries are over. Find little things to be cheerful about so Mom can see more and more green leaves.
I love the idea of a "Wellness Tree" - it's so much more positive than an "Illness Tree. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that. How depressing!
There are so many creative post-it notes available; I began collecting different ones way back in the 1980's. One of my favorites is "Dance is Everything!" It features hippos in pointe shoes, one in fourth, one in fifth position, two in arabesques, and one in a 180 degree workout stretch.
I have another with several dancers, all slim, in a workout routine. One is much heaver, but just as happy as the slender ones. Dance isn't just for thin people.
For Dad, I bought one of a little duck flying a single engine plane. Couldn't find any 4 engine bombers though.
Remember that cartoon character Kathy: I have one of her on her way to the grocery store, with the motto "I will not buy any fattening groceries" (repeat 3 times)
That's followed by Kathy rushing out of the store with a cart full of groceries, a "mile wide smile", and the saying: "I will not eat the fattening groceries on the way home from the store."
But one of the best post-its was available as the women's movement became stronger after the 1970's push. The saying was something to the effect that "men used to be in charge of everything and women stayed home and did the housework. They can kiss that sh** goodbye!"
But the one that got the most attention was
Have you all read - or read out to mom - Atul Gawande's book, Being Mortal? I think your mom is of sound enough mind to understand it and think about it with you. Loving thoughts to you both as you navigate these waters.
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