My mother has dementia I left my professional job that I worked too hard for many years. for the last 8 years I took care of her nutrition medical entertainment, cleaning, hygiene etc. I am very tired and exhausted. I yell too much at mom and yell more if she refuses to wash her hands or change to a point I get severe headache and after a while I cry and apologize for my mom. My dear mother forgives me even. She tells me she loves me and I know she is upset. My mother loves me and I know that. She tries to make me happy also she tries all her best. I feel so sorry for mom she used to be very smart. I am not trying to give myself excuses I know I should not yell. I am alert 24/7 to her needs. She has very poor hygiene which make me more alert to keep things at least not that dirty. I feel I spent most my life in the bathroom to make sure mom clean and no miss everywhere. I am so tired. I wake up at nights several times for the same reason just to be clean stop the dirt go out the bathroom. I wash my hands everyday many thousands of time. My brother offered to keep mom with him for a week to give me some rest. I am wondering if I do that does that will worsen moms memory.
Yes, sometimes a change in location will confuse a person with dementia. But being yelled at by a burned out caregiver isn't exactly wonderful, either. Persons with dementia can recover from being in a different environment for several days. Some will even enjoy it. So don't worry about that part. Let her spend some time with her son.
I have dealt with depression at various times in my life. The most recent started while I was caregiving. How did I know? I worked from home and I cried on the phone with my boss, and I snapped at a co-worker (who is often annoying but who is a dear, sweet man and I'd never lost my patience with him before.) So I knew something was wrong -- those behaviors are not "me" and I wanted to be me again. I didn't want a "happy" pill -- just a "me" pill. Can you relate, Hope?
I urge you to do what you need to do to take care of you first, like parents should put on their own oxygen masks before helping their children.
Depression is NOT A CHARACTER FLAW -- it is a chemical imbalance, and it IS treatable. Yelling at your mother is not you. Please get back to being you. You deserve it, and your mother will benefit from it.
Can you get some regular help to come in? As your mom progresses, it's going to be more and more work. It might benefit you both.
And, with dementia, the memory will decline eventually.
I would ask for help and try to be realistic about the matter. I would explore the options and give it some thought. You won't be much help for your mom if you are burned out. Take care.
That's all you need, some breaks, some temporary treatment for a situational depression. Whatever works for you, try that. Keep checking in with your 24 hour friends on here.
Are you her Power of Attorney? If so, then I would ask your siblings if they can take her in their home. Do you stay with her or is she in your home? Either way, let them know she needs full time care.
Most people who have not provided around the clock care to a dementia patient have no idea of the stress, work and responsibility involved. You'll have to be firm in your decision. I might seek some counseling to gain some confidence. Your mom wouldn't want you to ruin your health, would she? Don't let the siblings dissuade you. Find out what she can afford or what she qualities for and explore the options. When you can't do it anymore, then it's time for a change. Listen to your own inner voice. It sounds like you being a great advocate for you mom.