She is bitter, mean, LIES A LOT even about the most insignificant things, counts on ME (I currently do not work outside of the home) 4 grocery runs, house cleaning - a 3,800 sq. ft. house - dr. appointments, etc. and the normal b.s. She is angry at most of us (siblings) and basically, the entire world (my beloved Dad passed in 2007), she was even verbally abusive to him in his final days in this world. My mothers father was an angry/miserable person as well. Curious to know: is this type of behavior inherited or somehow personified????
Most people know of of her peculiar behavior, however, she either does not see it or does not care. UGH!! Help, as I am the one (after my father) who puts up with her b.s.
Set times when you'll come and help her. If she has money insist she gets outside help to clean her house. You don't have to be her maid. You're her child and can help her with what she needs within reason. But she HAS to treat you with respect to earn that privilege.
Personality disorders can be inherited or environmental - or a combination of both. In my family, there are a number of people with the same personality, so I see a strong genetic cause. Mother was one of 5 children and the others were (she has outlived them all) very sweet nice considerate people - not at all like her, and they have told me that she was like this all her life, so I don't think it is environmental in her case. My sister has it too, and my daughter shows some characteristics, and her youngest son. In other cases, it may be that the person has some predisposition, and their family environment tips the balance towards them developing the disease.
heart to heart - you mention that you are not at all like your mother, and neither am I like mine. I wonder if there are any other members in your extended family who are similar to your mum. BLP says her mum's dad was like this.
What blannie says about being 100% consistent is so true, and how to do that is not always obvious. I had set some limits, and then sent my mother flowers for Christmas. I got no acknowledgement of the flowers but several days of several phone calls of complaints and negativity. Then I remembered from the DONM site that you give them and inch and they take a mile. I have always said mother takes 10 miles. She perceived the gift of flowers as me "softening"'. I won't make that mistake again.
Good luck to you. There are many here who share your experiences. Come back and let us know how you are doing. ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))