I'm currently living with my long time friend who I've known for nearly 10 years (met him when I was 17) and he's like a father to me. For years he has helped me pay for school, rent, bills, trips and vacations. When I got married 4 years ago, he walked me down the aisle paid for my honeymoon. He has always believed in and supported me. He has never been married or had children, and is not very close with his family because they've always had a selfish greedy energy (especially his sister) they always asked about his finances but don't care much about his health and personal life. He is very wealthy but also very generous and they HATE that. Not too long ago when he decided he was done driving he gave his expensive car away to a close friend, it's just how he is. A few months back in April he had a fall while he was getting out of the shower and it was a really scary experience for him. It took him a while to get to the phone to call for help and after that happened he ask me to live with him for a while so he could feel safe again. It was a big decision leaving SO and children but he has done so much for me I knew it was my time to be there for him and finally be able to give back. In the near future we will moving my family into the same building. He was so grateful when I said yes he offered me $200,000 as a thank you and I accepted (remember he is a multimillionaire). That's when the problems started. His sister got wind and started making "anonymous tips" to DCF. They sent someone out to question us and quickly realised he was competent, gave me the gift willingly, and was in his right mind. A little over a month later they closed they case. Now 4 months later he offered me a new gift of $128,000 to help kick start my hubby's business's (he sells cars as well as appliances and is also a reseller of used and new goods) and seems like all the problems are starting again. The bank called and questioned his decision. He told them he was a grown man who could do what he wanted with his money and it was none of their business. They were unhappy with his answer and explained to him that it was suspicious to them that he was giving such large quantities to someone that did not share his last name and they recommended if he want to be generous in this way he should do it with a family member. He angrily told them they don't have to right to tell him what to do with his money. They questioned his competence even going as far as to ask him if he was signing blank checks and empty paperwork! He prompted them to check the handwriting and explained if they look they would see that it was clearly his but they said they'd didnt have copies of these things in front of them so clearly they didn't want to bother. They said to him because he was over the age of 65 they had to "protect" him so they froze his account. He was furious. A detective came to the door while he was getting a massage and wanted to come in look around and ask questions. A little background the floor had broken a week or 2 earlier because the building we live in is old and "settled" and the tiles that were put into the apartment were not done properly (attached with caulking instead of proper cement) so they popped up. Went to a hotel while it was being fix and he told a few family members about the incident. When the detective came she said she was informed by bank that he was moving lager sums of money. "Someone" (his sister) was making claims that he was living in an unsafe environment, being neglected, underweight (his weight is the healthiest its ever been) and being abused and manipulated. He has type 1 diabetes and does his own insulin but she asked me if I was in charge of that? She even went as far as to ask me if he was vocal?! He said he didn't want to mess around and he got a lawyer. I didn't think was a good idea the lawyers been very aggressive with DCF and I'm worried his involvement is making things worse. We have nothing to hide! Am I wrong in thinking this?Help!
If your friend is truly competent, suggest he get his affairs properly in order with a trust and estate attorney, then leave it at that. Don't accept any more money from him unless his attorney says he's comfortable with what he's doing. (He won't be.) His gifts should be handled properly in terms of the IRS and be 100% above board because this looks like elder abuse to the outsider.
If he took out money from his investment account to give to you, you'd better believe the investment firm will be all over that. My son works in the fraud department of one of the major investment companies, and he does this type of investigation all day long.
I'm no expert on the laws behind this, but I seriously doubt TD Ameritrade has done anything wrong. They're watching out for their customer because of unusual activity. Investment accounts aren't insured by the FDIC, so when that money's gone, it's gone.
If your story is legitimate, you should be communicating with him the importance of doing this right. I hope you haven't spent any of that money, because if his sister (his legal next of kin, not you) sues you, you'll be ruined if you can't come up with the money if you lose.
& not to sound biased but imo if friend is using TDAmeritrade for his accounts, whatever he was / is doing is highly unusual for them to flag it as their on online ETP (electronic trading platform). Imo the ETPs will let you hang yourself; they don’t need to care as it’s online. Trading online it’s all your risk / your responsibility, you screw up and hit wrong button, too bad, so sad. It’s not working with a full service broker, like with an old school wire house who actually has a series 7 & other required licensing, has fiduciary duty for their clients, FINRA listing, & the firms have compliance division.
OP mentioned her friend “suing Ameritrade”. LOL. The ETP have it so there's no comeback on them.
If his sister has has contacted APS; if his financial institutions have filed compliance concerns or frozen transactions on his accounts; if he’s had recent serious falls or has preexisting long term health issues (insulin dependent Type 1 diabetes) that could be found to have affected his cognitive ability & competence; if he’s been giving $ or gifting assets that seem excessive...... it’s well worth his family’s interest to look into if he’s had undue influence by others and if they have taken advantage of a him a vulnerable adult and seek guardianship. Even if it’s court appointed guardian rather than one of his siblings, it’s better than his gifting $ away to outsiders.
Families will do this for 30k, they sure as heck will do it for 2.9M.
So your backstory is:
- since you were underage, he -not a relative- has been giving you $,
- & it’s over a decade of his giving you $, as your now 27, right?
- you became his POA and HCS,
- & this year alone, he has given you 200k,
- & in April, you left your husband & child & moved in with him at his apt & later at a hotel & then eventually back at his apt, right?
- & he gave you more $ - 128k - this summer too.
If you were his family, the optics on all this do not look appropriate.
Like what kind of minor takes $ from a man she’s not related to?
what kind of young mom leaves hubs & kid(s)?
If you were hearing this, wouldn’t you think something sounds odd?
Or your just out to troll.....
I’m going to guess that in the past decade (like before 2020), he did not file IRS gift tax forms for $ he's been paying you since you were a minor. Someone who is a multimillionaire, who supposedly is a savvy stock trader & businessman, knows that IRS has regulations & filing required for gifting & hefty penalties / interest for not filing. If you don’t do IRS filings, it’s probably because something hinky is happening that you’d rather wasn’t reported, or want known by others or flat illegal.
If he actually has $$$$, it will be as everyone earlier has said, his family will do whatever to keep the $ within the family & they need to find someone to blame for his loss of fortune.
It will be you.
It will get ugly & that’s why you right now need to have your own atty & why whomever you talk to needs to have an affiliation with criminal defense guys. If you kept no real records this past decade, they can say you’ve been paid hundreds upon hundreds of thousands since you were first just jailbait and took $ from him. After all, this year alone it’s $328,000.00. They’ll come after all the $ and can add hubs into the mix and put you up as unfit mom. Again what kind of minor accepts $ from a man she’s not related to and continues to do so for a decade.
Really find you own attorney ASAP and be totally honest with him.
Just perfect.
I see this becoming quite the legal fiasco and you need to protect yourself and make sure all is legal by getting a lawyer involved.
The family drama needs to be dealt with by the attys as well. As long as he is able to pay for his own living costs and well into his future, he can do whatever with the rest of his money. If he wanted to leave it to his pets he could. Thier gonna be pissed no matter what. Not your issue, ok
I’m going to assume that his new atty has dealt with this type of situation before, that your friend actually has the $ to make Trusts worthwhile to do (imho needs a minimum of 800k - 1M to do one that can be self supported) and that’s why a Trust is being suggested. The atty will likely handle the admistration on the Trust (they get paid to do this) and deal with whatever paperwork needs to be done, money moved and taxes paid for the life of the Trust till it finally dissolves. If he actually has real $, a FA (financial advisor) will become a part if all this as some $ will need to be placed into investments but are owned by the Trust. So by doing this the Trust makes $ to pay for whatever costs incurred by the Trust..... like pay for a CPA to do taxes, pay for the atty annual work on it, make a beneficiary payment. Trusts are their own lil legal entity and can go on to forever if it has initial fund$$$$ and investments that pay into the Trust to keep it afloat. Trusts that run out of money, that end up with unplanned “defund” are a hot mess to muck through. You don’t want that to happen.
it may be suggested that it’s put into a family trust with your kid(s) (now & future) as the beneficiaries but you (not your hubs unless you should predecease him) do oversight since your child is a minor. The trust could stay till kids are 30. taxwise doing this (gen skip) generally is a good idea.
if he actually doesn’t have real $ for a Trust, he can do UTMAs for your kid)s).
Question for you???... just how did he give you 200k & 128k?
Like SendHelp posted, anything over 10k requires Secrecy Act paperwork and banks have to do it.... most of it is routine back of the office bank online filings as it’s a check from a business or insurance or title company or an employer so makes sense and they have a business registration with your Secretary of State. But 300k+ one2one looks totally sketchy, like call Treasury Dept sketchy. Did you include the $ he’s gifted you as income in your tax filings?, or did you just ignore it as it was gifted?, or did you put into an interest bearing account and reported the interest on you tax filings? Did your friend file a IRS 709 (gifting) for each year he gifted $ to you? If not, it’s beyond really good that he’s got an atty as not doing proper IRS filing can show incompetence. The penalty for not doing this is pretty costly for him. Plus you really don’t want a Treasury agent contacting you if you can help it..... dating one that’s super interesting but one investigating well you no don’t want to go there!
I see this becoming quite the legal fiasco and you need to protect yourself and make sure all is legal by getting a lawyer involved.
I have no experience with something of this nature, only something similar when church people were meddling in my father's life, and I suspected, setting me up.
However, that's another story.
I would agree that being aggressive with DCF might complicate the issues, and I'm not sure this type of lawyer is even appropriate. What is his primary practice area? That's the critical issue. If he's a litigator, he might not be the appropriate person.
Something that's possible, to consider: Your friend needs to get his end of life documents in place, now. If (a) he doesn't want to leave anything to his meddling family, he can have the (elder law or estate planning) attorney insert an in terrorem clause, which provides a limited amount to the relatives. (b) If they contest, they lose EVERYTHING.
https://dictionary.law.com/Default.aspx?selected=1006 for a more detailed explanation.
He should also designate proxies for decision making, through DPOA and MPOA.
This would protect you now and in the future.
For now, there's a possibility of his creating some type of agreement for the start-up money. Typically that would be a loan, but as I understand it, the funds are gratis. This document would set forth the terms, i.e., a gift (but he'll need to see an estate planning attorney for the gift aspect since it's over the statutory amount).
Actually, I think he could benefit from consulting a transactional attorney, or an estate planning attorney, specifically to create a transfer mechanism for the start-up loan and anything else he wants to donate. There would need to be some compensatory action, I.e. moving in with him to provide for safe aging, with a list of inclusive responsibilities.
I understand that this is a friendship and making it a transaction might be a little bit inappropriate, but the time is now to establish boundaries to protect against relative meddling in the future.
If he wants to push it, he could also create a list of what the family needs to do to help him. That puts them on the spot. E.g., he could establish that they take turns visiting him and caring for him, ranging from medical trips, meal prep, personal hygiene, etc. They might be so repulsed that they stop harassment. And he could make those efforts the basis for any post death remuneration - i.e., no help, no money.
I would think though that advice of a good attorney in a reputable firm would be appropriate. A firm with an estate planning/elder law, transactional, and real estate practice might work. That should cover the diversity of his contributions.
Good luck.
Online it says his sections are
Elder Law
Family Law
Real Property, Probate & Trust
And his practice areas are
Civil Litigation
Elder
Estate Planning
Family
Probate and Trust Litigation
Trial
He is very good but like I said, aggressive. Maybe thats a good thing and I just don't understand? This is all very confusing to me and way above my head. Back in May he made me POA and HCS and he established a living will as well. He said the next move is establishing a Trust. Honestly I don't fully understand what that means or what a trust does I've heard from a friend that its a "living breathing" document but again I don't really understand he handles all that lawyer stuff. He said he is working on it so I don't really know if he is doing any of those things you mentioned I will have to ask him.
It sounds as though, due to his age, the family is going now to begin to move on him. He needs a Lawyer at once, and likely a new bank.
This honestly has nothing to do with you, and you should steer entirely clear of it unless someone comes to you who has some authority. I am hoping that you have reported all sums as are reportable as gifts, and should his giving rise to the level of taxes (a very HIGH level) that you have paid taxes on the gifts.
This gentleman's money is his money, but while he may now be competent he could stroke out tomorrow. That would mean he has a family who would be there like bees on honey. He needs to appoint guardians and fiduciaries to protect himself, his money and his wishes for that money.
As I said, this has ZERO to do with you. He wants to give you money and that, as a competent person, is his right.
It has to do with HIM. His family is on him like a pack of wild dogs, and at his age something WILL happen. They will hamstring him and take him down in a second, if all you say is true.
Surely, as a multimillionaire, your friend, a competent man, must already KNOW what I am saying is true.
Good luck to him. Money can be a curse when you begin to weaken. As well as a great blessing.
You have an excellent memory of your many years long relationship. I am hoping you have a diary that states your relationship, when you received money and for what. As these funds being gifted to you are WELL OVER the amount that can be gifted without the giver paying gift taxes (him, not you) these amounts will be clear in tax statements and so on. Always best to have written records where any money is concerned.
Sections
Elder Law
Family Law
Real Property, Probate & Trust
Practice areas
Civil Litigation
Elder
Estate Planning
Family
Probate and Trust Litigation
Trial
Back in May he appointed me as a POA HCS and established a living will. Now he had been talking to the lawyer about establishing a trust (I'm gonna be honest I'm very confused as to what that is and what that means)
Im not sure how taxes work my husband handles that stuff so I will have to speak with him
I have no diary but I have photos
No written records of anything not sure even where to start or how
You say you have no diary of what you were given. A mistake. Start one today and move onward. You already have a pretty good idea, as you wrote above, of what you got and when, so do the best you can with those amounts. You may even have check account records. When dealing with money amounts this large you cannot afford to do anything other than protect yourself.
THEN as to the Trust. This man will know how to get a good Trust and Estate Attorney. He will be the Trustee of his own Trust as long as he is well and able. On his death he will have an executor of his Trust. His Lawyer will help him to decide what he wants his Trust to say. I am amazed, as a multimillionaire he doesn't have one already, but then, never too late as long as it isn't too late. You would be wise to not have any legal designations as POA or DPOA or Successor Trustee or anything else or this family will waste easily a million suing you. That is to say remain an OUTSIDER. If you are given money that is lovely. Do not suggest anything to HIM other than that he get a good attorney and a good banker. He can hire--is well endowed and able to hire--financial fiduciaries to distribute whatever he likes both before and after his death. Stay clear of anything yourself except to give the love you bear him and accept his own. He has an absolute right to make any gifts to anyone he cares about. Clearly he cares about you. But you have never seen a hoard the like of a family when greenback flags are flying. So stay clear of it.
"DEPOSITING A BIG AMOUNT of cash that is $10,000 or more means your bank or credit union will report it to the federal government. The $10,000 threshold was created as part of the Bank Secrecy Act, passed by Congress in 1970, and adjusted with the Patriot Act in 2002."
The law is an effort to curb money laundering and other illegal activities. The threshold also includes withdrawals of more than $10,000.
"This regulation derived from concerns of monetary instruments transported or transmitted in or out of the United States from possible drug trade transactions, including the financing of terrorism," says Bob Castaneda, program director for Walden University's accounting and finance programs."
Ask the attorney how to legally navigate these laws. It is an embarrassment to a senior to be questioned in that manner by a bank employee, imo. The lawyer could write a letter to the bank, correcting the employee's notion of (ok to interfere in elder's business)!