I moved my Mother from her apartment in late April. We had built an apartment for her, independent of our living space, so she could have her own place. She is 96 and has been diagnosed with dementia. I cook for her for safety reasons, but she does her own housekeeping and her place is immaculate. I have to keep a close eye on her money as she had lost nine hundred dollars just before I moved her to our place.We have been doing fine, the only problem is she has lost one hearing aid and the other is outdated (we have an appointment for new aids) She sometimes misunderstands and I go through a lot of repeating....however, today she told me she was growing some geranium cuttings and I told her I thought that was wonderful and my husband would be excited about it because he has a green house etc. Mother swore at me and said she might as well go pay the high price at the nursery. I tried to start over and explain, but she became very agitated and raised a fist. She started toward me, and I thought she was going to strike me....she didn't even look like the same person....her eyes were filled with hate. I yelled her name, and it was like a shock to her and she calmed down for a minute. Then she grabbed her neck and it scared me and I asked her what was wrong....she said "YOU YELLED AT ME AND NOW MY NECK HURTS!!" I am not physically afraid of her, but I do wonder what my status is if she goes to the doctor for her appointment and says that I yelled at her.....I do not want to go through the rest of my life known as one who mistreated an elder. I am 72 years old and I have cared for more than one elder in their final days and I have never mistreated or harmed a single one of them...I love my Mother, and would never harm her in any way, but how do I handle this...can you help me? I will appreciate any help you can give to me....With Thanks
Mary
she needs to be seen by her doctor and these events reported to her/him beforehand. She may need a higher level of care than you have so lovingly provided up until this point.
How long las Mom been with you?
I agree with the others who have answered your questions. First of all, her mishearing is likely a huge issue. She doesn't hear right and her mind fills in the blanks - negatively.
Next, a urinary tract infection could be a problem. They are very common in elderly people, especially women and can cause mental deterioration.
Medications can be another issue. As people age they become much more sensitive to medications and what worked for awhile may or may not be working, or could even be causing personality changes. A friend of mine told me her mother's "Alzheimer's" turned out to be caused by her incontinence medication.
A trip to the doctor is in order with a full physical. Also, her hearing aids need to be replaced. I know that this is expensive, but it could be essential to how she behaves.
Take care of yourself the best you can and please let us know how you're doing.
Carol
As the first step, always look for the underlying medical condition first. A UTI or other medical issue may be the root of the problem. Plus the hearing issue...the faster you get those replaced the better. Less frustration on her part could well result in less expressed frustration, hostility, and violence.
However, there is a point in which she may need medication to help calm her. This is tricky in terms of finding what works if you have to go this route. Also be aware that if you (or somone else reading this post) need to add a drug or a drug regime to address psychotic or violent behaviors, many of those psychotropic drugs have black box warnings for elderly patients with dementia or Alzheimer's. There's not a lot that works safely or necessarily all that well, depending on the patient. Experts in the field have told us that in only a few more years, there should be more options for dementia/Alzheimer's treatment. Most of us need help today and cannot wait!
I took her to the new Mental Health building that is being built next to the clinic and will be opening in our area this fall. It is a huge building with an inside walking track, and private rooms for clients who can still manage the basics. She seemed very impressed with the look of the place, and I plan to take her there when it opens so she can see the inside. We have her name on a list for occupancy if a room opens up. As of right now, they are all filled....I very gently suggested that if she should find she isn't happy in her apartment, perhaps this would be a good change of pace for her and that she could come visit with us any time....she seemed to think that sounded good...at least at that moment.....I just love her so much and I want the best for her...I set up a sewing machine for her and she has been a lamb for the past week...she needed a purpose...don't we all...thanks again, and I am so glad you are all here...... Mary
I know exactly what you are going through, my Mom has dementia and she lives in our garage apartment.
Before she was diagnosed with dementia two years ago, she would have a temper tantrum if she didn't get her way throw things stomp and yell. She also is hard of hearing but won't wear hearing aids. She still to this day takes your words and turn them into negative, and it is always about me being mean to you. I try to tell her that I didn't say that to her. You have to bite your tongue, don't argue and walk away, hoping that it won't take long for her to forget. I change the subject and that will most times end the negativity. That is really hard to do because you are trying to get a point across to her.
At first when she would say that I was a bully, mean to her and etc., I was so afraid that every one would believe her and turn me in for elderly abuse.
She is currently on Lorazepam for mood swings and Donepezil for memory. The Lorazepam helps, but she stills turns your words into a negative. With the temper tantrums not much anymore as long as you don't yell at her, change the subject or just walk away.
The meds will at first make her sleepy and you will think that you have turned her into a zombie, don't give up on the meds, it takes time for the sleepyness to somewhat disappear, and the bad behavior.
I feel for you.