So my grandmother has been in this one nursing home for almost 4 years.
They call us like every other day and say stuff like my grandma is screaming and keeping everyone up all night. They said she was stealing things from other residents, (I don't believe because she is bed ridden. She can't even get herself into her wheelchair). They said she is becoming very combative with staff and other residents verbally and physically. (Which is very unlike my grandma. I've never even heard her get mad and yell at someone.)
The home called and told me she didn't have any money in her account (to buy snacks, go on outtings to food places) I said I was just there and put $50 on her account. They said she was giving her money to the other residents. But then I went in and sat down with her and asked who she was giving her money to, and she said "Oh, the fellow that cleans our room needed some money for something, so I let him have it."
Oh but the home says she's giving it to residents... Not that there's a guy that cleans who's begging them all for money.
I was and I am still pissed about that. They have an employee bumming money off the residents.
Last week they called me wanting to put a feeding tube in her because she was losing weight and wouldn't eat. But they called me two days later and said they gave her iv fluids and oh she really perked up and she's doing so good.
They put her on Zoloft for depression (I also take it, so I know ALOT about it) not even two weeks later they took hey off the Zoloft and put her on something else because they claimed it wasn't working. Zoloft needs to build up in your freaking system. Two weeks was not a long enough time for her to be on it to show results! These people, like what the heck?
One day she's on her death bed, the next she's so good and fabulous. It's just hard. I don't know what to believe.
Does stuff like like this happen to anybody else??
I feel like I'm going crazy with how much they call me.
I think its also time to get the DON and Administrator together for a meeting. First, no constant calls. Its their job to handle anything that comes up and deal with it. The only calls you want are what the State requires. She fell, sending her to the hospital, fell out of bed, etc. The DON is in charge of the staff.
If this is new behaviour, your grandma could be entering another stage of her Dementia. Personally, I would want her seen by a neurologist to determine what medication she should be on and then consult with the facilities doctor. The doctor associated with the facility is the only one who can prescribe and take away. I agree that 2 weeks is not long enough to see if a med works. The only reason to stop it would be a adverse reaction to it. Her screaming at night could be caused by night terrors. Her being combatant could be a UTI, have them check for it.
I agree, I don't see why the NH would make things up. So, go into this meeting with the attitude things have changed with grandma. Her Dementia will worsen as the brain dies. If she has been stable for 4 yrs you are lucky.
I would definitely follow up on the money being given to staff.
Last thought...there are"nanny cams" made to look like stuffed animals. Perhaps, giving Grandma a gift would help you view what's going on.
Best wishes.
The sad fact is that some facilities are very poorly managed and indifferent to resident care. My mom's NH was recently purchased by a new company, and they have made many positive changes. My experiences with the prior owner/admin seem similar to your situation. I was never informed of falls or medication changes. Problems with theft and poor care were never addressed (nepotism was the real priority here). If you had a complaint, you were told to look elsewhere for care.
The constant phone calls - did someone in your family ask for regular updates? I've done that in the past, but it was short-term. They had a note tacked onto my mom's chart. Have you considered other facilities? You can do a virtual tour, ask people you know, do some online research for facility reviews. It really is worth doing - sometimes what you have is better than what is available, sometimes any place is better. You can better decide this when you meet with the admin and ombudsman. Hang in there! You are asking advice from others who have done this, and that's the best first step!
Can you find another place for her to go to?
On the other hand, give Grandma a break and talk to the Ombudsman.
...Yes, it’s common to scream & be abusive & make up lies. Nursing Supervisor should know more so go see her. When you give $$$, get a receipt..& when $$$ is withdrawn, get an accounting of it on paper. Hugs 🤗
Our mother is in AL/MC, private pay, and she has no "account." If there are extra charges, they get added to her monthly bill. I have had to address some of these, such as non-recurring Rx and OTC meds (I handle these!) and currently extra laundry charges. Most recently it has been 8-14 extra loads/month - really? For someone who sits in a wheelchair with disposable briefs for "accidents"? How dirty/soiled can she become? They pushed back on my complaint - waiting for July bill to see if this continues - if so, we need to have a talk!!! If she's wetting her clothing during the day, then they are not toileting her often enough. At night, it became an issue when she had UTIs. Just being told that dementia patients develop incontinence isn't cutting it! I am aware of that, but for about 8 months no extra charges EXCEPT when she had a UTI. So, if it happens again, I need to address what the issue is. There is no excuse to leave UTI unattended and NO excuse for her to be wetting herself during the day!
It really does stink not being able to go in to aide in monitoring things. We couldn't be there all the time before the virus, but being excluded leaves us blind and somewhat at their mercy!
The first thing I would do is request they NOT give her any money. If she "needs" to feel like she can manage, buy some play money and give that to her. For the medical/behavioral issues, someone needs to be in control. If this is a NH, then you might be more reliant on the "in-house" doctor(s). If possible, enlist the help of a doctor outside the facility. Have her tested for UTI, perhaps some better testing/Rx for behavioral issues. I agree with others - calling you to report these "issues" isn't productive. You are not allowed in and you are not a doctor, so what exactly are you supposed to do when they call? When our mother had her first UTI in MC, she experienced some severe sun-downing and was more or less out of control. They called and wanted me to go there... and do what? I had never seen her like that and there likely wasn't much I could do! By the time I did get there, they had distracted her with a magazine and got her into her room. I decided it was best to leave the sleeping dog lie and did not go into her room. Unfortunately this started on a Friday evening, after doc hours, and we could do nothing until Monday morning. BTW, mornings and early afternoons plus overnight she was FINE and wouldn't even remember any of it. Clearing UTI driving this - antibiotics plus anti-anxiety meds during treatment took care of it. Both meds stopped after UTI treated and no more outbursts! Subsequent UTIs have resulted, as noted, in bed wetting. Once treated, the wetting stops too.
Dementia is so bizarre. It's like having an electrical issue in your car - it can present itself as so many other issues and wreak havoc! IF one can find the source of the issue in the car, generally it can be fixed. Not so much with dementia, unfortunately.