I am sole caregiver for mom who has dementia for more than 8 years, I feel horrible for telling my mom you are sh*t. and this is the second time I do that in my life. I just lost my temper. I called mom with this after I spend an hour trying to change her diaper and cloths. all feces on her cloths and diaper. I tried first nicely even I think I was stressed and exhausted. I spent nights sleeping only two to three hours only just to prevent the dirt go outside the bathroom or when I hear something I jump from my bed check on my mom make sure she is okay and did not fall this is going on for months and months. I am so tired and I am fogy. I know this is not an excuse to call mom a name. I do love mom and I feel so horrible. I feel I am really bad ugly daughter. Some time I wish I die for being some time rude to mom. I know God will punish me one day when I get old. Someone much younger than me will treat me hatefully. HATE MYSELF. I pray to God to forgive me. But God will not forgive me each time if I repeat it.
How can I control my temper when I am so tired and fatigue. Mom deserve the best
Sounds like I am aggressive I know but its better than hitting the person I am supposed to be caring for! When he gets too infuriating because of the illness.
I don't punch either, but there has to be a way to release the anger, b/c just "not caring" (as hubby says I should do) is not an option. I forget and mention something to one of the kids that their dad did and WOW they are defensive--even though I may be right, it's just not appropriate. (And yes, he can say "Oh you know how your mother gets.." and they all nod their heads, so it's not a fair swap at all---it just is what it is.) He's perfect and I'm a mess.
I also can't say a word about my MIL. Hubby is not on "good" terms with her, she told me 6 years ago she never wanted to see me again--so I have honored that request. Still, every time hubby goes to see her he tries to drag me along. She won't let me use the bathroom or sit in the living room. She doesn't address a single remark to me. WHY would I want to deal with that? I can step away from her and she doesn't bother me, but my own mother makes me crazy. Not always, but I never know when she's going to spring on me--so I am tense and uncomfortable all the time around her. And I have to go visit her this afternoon with my daughter who is visiting with her kids. Already have a sick stomach.
BTW, hubby's comments about his mom "Well, she's old". OK, that works NOW-- but she has been the same for 42 years that I have known her, what was the excuse when she was 43?
Hubby is a good man, but he has his quirks and a quick temper and every time something goes wrong, somehow it's my fault. He's been through a lot in his life, healthwise, and will probably not live to be 75. (Liver transplant, diabetes which he refuses to deal with) so my kiddoes are all very sensitive about him and his health. He still works and travels full time, he's as healthy as he's ever going to be, but I am stressed out and tired carrying the full time care of him, our home, helping mother, and my girls with their families. I do have a continuous level of stress bubbling away and sometimes I will just take a long, hot shower and cry for a half an hour and then just face the music again.
I have been having a lot of migraines again, just stress related, but annoying to the maximum.
I am joining a group held by my therapist for depression and anxiety as soon as the new sessions start, hoping that I can meet others who have anxiety & depression and get some support there.
I meant to say I am so sorry to hear your planned day off went pear shaped. Its seems to happen! Right now I am hoping to get away for an hour while friend looks out for husband. He says he wont go to the hospice for respite but we shall see.
That walk in the forest is becoming a necessity!
This morning hubby started on about giving cash now to relatives and I am afraid I am getting dire thoughts about it all! He says I might live a long time and they wont get the money for ages and its only a few thousand£ to give them now! well from what I am experiencing its costing a fortune to get help in now.
Rant over!
So we had it all planned, drop Mum off go out to an antique shop or 5 lunch mooch around the shops with kitchen units in mind - you know what I mean ACTUALLY touching them then off to look at paint and paper and all sorts of nice things.
Well that didn't work.....got to the respite home 2 hour, two hours, YES TWO BLOODY HOURS to fill out paper work I could have completed had I been given it in less than 10 minutes and had they emailed it to me I could have completed it on line and sent it back for them to read through and then just signed it when I got there grrrrrrrr.
Of course by now it was lunch time and they invited us to stay for lunch WTF? So when we said no Mum had a face like a smacked backside and I knew then that it was not going to be the day I hoped for. Oh we had a nice 3 hours together but not enough to DO much and then when we picked Mum up she was a nightmare but hey I am still alive and so is she which is more important or certainly AS important and today is another day!
Oh and although the idiot who told me yesterday that 'you can't live your life on line' won't see this i just want today actually sometimes some people don't have a lot of choice in that!
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dream on ...... Yesterday I got out while a .friend stayed with hubbie( I pay her as she is in need of the money) and helped another friend with her ponies. Marvellous fresh cold wet air! I agree when asked how you are its best to say pretty good ! Otherwise friends will keep away. Vent problems on this site and share with people that know what its like.
I don't even get that luxury now as I shop on line for almost everything, from meds ordered from the GP to disability equipment to moving house to e-vape liquid and before anyone tells me vaping is bad for my health don't waste your energy because I absolutely don't care - it is better than smoking and if it isn't I don't care about that either!!!!!
I can't imagine going for a long walk in the forest alone watching the deer or gathering fossils and shells from the beaches or blackberrying or collecting sloes to make sloe gin once more. I long to be able to go to a PYO farm and PICK MY OWN veg. I long to be able to go and buy whole fish that I gut myself. I long to be able to home freeze food I want to eat not for Mum.
I long to be totally selfish for at least a month and I DONT CARE if people call me on it - it is what I want ....somewhen
Just don't let this ruin yourself. You have to take care of yourself to take care of someone else.
trying to care for a really sick person. We need intelligent robots!