I am sole caregiver for mom who has dementia for more than 8 years, I feel horrible for telling my mom you are sh*t. and this is the second time I do that in my life. I just lost my temper. I called mom with this after I spend an hour trying to change her diaper and cloths. all feces on her cloths and diaper. I tried first nicely even I think I was stressed and exhausted. I spent nights sleeping only two to three hours only just to prevent the dirt go outside the bathroom or when I hear something I jump from my bed check on my mom make sure she is okay and did not fall this is going on for months and months. I am so tired and I am fogy. I know this is not an excuse to call mom a name. I do love mom and I feel so horrible. I feel I am really bad ugly daughter. Some time I wish I die for being some time rude to mom. I know God will punish me one day when I get old. Someone much younger than me will treat me hatefully. HATE MYSELF. I pray to God to forgive me. But God will not forgive me each time if I repeat it.
How can I control my temper when I am so tired and fatigue. Mom deserve the best
1. Find respite care so you can take time for yourself-away from your mother.
2. Learn to meditate.
3. Get 30 minutes of exercise everyday.
4. See if there is a facility that will take your mother-Make sure you throughly understand Medicaid before you dismiss it as an option.
5. Find a support group for yourself and stick with going to its meetings.
You desperately need help for coping with your mother. Absolutely no one can do it by themselves.
Take care of yourself.
You must have a break for your sake and your mother's.
Please update us. We want to hear back,
Carol
Many many of us will have that same awful feeling of sometimes cracking and calling our beloved Mom - or other loved one we are caring for - awful, despicable names. We don't mean it - it is just that our loved ones are so difficult sometimes (through no fault of their own, just this damn disease) that we just crack.
The wonderful thing is that our loved ones forget...we don't, and tear ourselves apart with guilt... But blissfully they completely forget, just as they forget and deny they've done or said what made us crack in the first case!
I have no doubt will be merciful to us in our sorrow of not being SUPER carer. He knows what is in our heart and will not chastise us even though we may fall again.
Take heart dear friend. We are all in this together.
Big big hug to you from New Zealand!
Charlotte
I understand that your mother does not wish to enter a nursing home, but if you die or become disabled due to the stress of caregiving, she'll end up in a nursing home with no one to visit or watch out for her.
I think you should visit some nursing homes, just to assure yourself that there are good ones out there.
If she goes into the hospital and is there for three days, she should be eligible for 20 days of rehab, paid for by Medicare. Make sure that the discharge planners are helping you to find a nh that we'll accept Medicaid patients.
Have you looked into Adult Day Care in your area? To her, you call it The Senior Center.
Is there someone you can call upon to come and relieve you for a little while? A sibling? An aunt or uncle? Is your mom in a position financially to have some in-home help temporarily while you get away for a while?
None of us can be effective if we're exhausted and burned out. Please look into getting someone to help out so you can get away for a bit. Even for a day. Some nursing homes offer respite care for caregivers where their elderly loved ones go into the facility temporarily (like for a weekend) while the caregiver takes a breather. Please look into this.
You're human, you're exhausted, you're under a lot of stress and you're doing the best you can. Come here and vent. Let it all out and we'll listen and support you.