What tips can you give me to handle my frustration rising to very bad temper. I don't believe I will ever harm my dad physically, however I have certainly yelled at him many times and feel bad for it later.
I AND my husband moved in with my dad 3 1/2 years ago. Only the last year has he slipped to needing 24 hour care and not being able to walk at all. He needs bathing, dressing, feeding, transferring from hospital bed to chair, catheter care, and an occasional enema, but I can handle all that for the most part. We now have a paid caregiver in for the night time so that I could sleep again. The issue I am struggling with is the constant neediness and demands of what he believes should be done and when. Calling me 5 times in a 30 minute period., sometimes simply for “what was the name of that pill I took”.
I was the 'Daddy's Girl', the youngest. I had a very good relationship with my dad until this experience. Lately I have often in frustration told my father "I just can't do this anymore" and he pleads in a very childlike way to not leave him. Surprisingly that doesn't make me feel sorry for him but makes me even more frustrated, like a parent with a small child that will not take no for an answer.
I am nearly at the end of my rope, although even that feeling rises and falls with how rested or frustrated I feel.
Can you hire a caregiver for part of the day, or maybe just for a few hours during the day? When she's there get away or just shut yourself up in your room. I think it's very important that you get away for a bit. Not for a 2 week vacation or anything but just relieved of some of your burden.
Call your siblings, get another caregiver, send dad off to a facility so you can get some respite care. Do something before you burn completely out.
But here's what I did, as well as things I haven't tried it. Perhaps they'll help. But I also agree as to getting extra help in. You need some "me time".
I think in the whole scheme of things, the loss of ability to care for oneself creates a need for reliance and dependency that we could only experience if we lived through it (and I hope I never reach that point). I think there's fear involved as well, especially when mobility is compromised, and those primal fears become so dominant that higher level thinking, such as organizing thoughts, become difficult. So I try to do the thinking instead and just present options, not multiple choices, but yes or not options.
I no longer ask what places he wants to go when I come out to do his shopping; instead I suggest we go to a, b, c, then get a Dairy Queen. I take the scheduling of trips away from him so he doesn't have to organize his thoughts but only respond to my suggestions. Yes or no answers.
As to things like looking up charity execs' salaries to determine if the charity is worth a contribution, I tell him that I have a - x high priority responsibilities for him and those come first. If I'm diverted looking up this and that, and doing other things, that takes time away from the priority issues and they won't get done as quickly.
There's only so much I can do in a day, and now he understands that, especially after I've been too fatigued or actually ill and suddenly everything he needs comes to a grinding halt.
For repeated questions, I've suggested he write down the answers but he hasn't. What I should do is list them, print out the answers and give the "cheat sheet" to him so he can look them up.
What you could try is setting aside perhaps 5 minutes out of an hour, then gradually extend it, to go over his needs for the next hour or so. When he thinks of something else, ask him to jot it down and you'll discuss it in your next strategy meeting.
Makes these meetings relaxing for both of you - cup of tea, lemonade...maybe some music.
I've never figured out if the "frequent what's this or that" questions are a reflection of thought processes being truncated and some memory loss, or just plain manipulation. But it did make me feel as though my whole day was broken up into segments of Q & A and eventually I found it difficult to concentrate on more important tasks that required thinking. This was and remains a problem for me.
As to the physical care, set aside 1/2 hour, 3/4 hour or even an hour after the laborious tasks just for down time for yourself. If you have to leave to go for a walk, do it. You need to recharge your own batteries more often or you'll just become physically run down.
Good luck, and hang in there!