I lost my Dad following leukaemia almost two years ago and my Mom was diagnosed with a similar type of leukaemia about a year before he died (well....they were a couple that did everything together!). His death was sudden and unexpected at the end, and threw us all into the depths of despair. Meanwhile my mom's leukaemia isn't curable but was stable due to new drugs and she's been trying hard to put her life back together, determined not to let things beat her. Over the last 12 months my relationship (4 years) broke down and I quit a job where I was bullied and stressed to where I was losing my hair and losing weight. Now I'm the unemployed, spinster daughter just north of 30! As a result I've been spending more time with my mom because I have a lot of time on my hands, where I'd previously been distancing myself a little because of how I felt my world collapsed when my dad died. And now there are some other issues with my mom's health which are being 'investigated' and my gut feeling is it's bad. I took her to the hospital for a CT following a couple of X-rays on Friday and we're waiting to hear back about what they've found. We know they've found something, it's just a case of what. If anyone was telling me this story I'd say 'hey don't worry, wait until you find out what it is' but it's hard to take your own advice when you're the one in the story. I feel like this is my breaking point and it's crushing me. I've been crying non-stop all weekend and my mom is in a bit of a daze (I don't cry in front of her btw). She makes jokes about being on the way out and my heart is breaking. I just don't know what to do - we're a small family with no supportive aunts/uncles etc. and although I have friends most haven't been through this with their parents yet so either keep their distance or just avoid talking about it. My rock during my dad's departure was my ex-boyfriend, and now I don't even have him to lean on. I have a sister but she lives away and we're not very close. I'm trying to remain positive and not let this crush me but at the same time my heart is just utterly broken thinking about what is ahead. I just had to write it down.
But mostly, it sounds as though you need to know someone cares about you. We Do! Let us know how it's going.
Please keep us updated on your mom's test results.
I notice that you talked about your health issues. I might suggest that you get yourself a physical, just to make sure that your're okay. Sometimes stress and worry can make you sick. I'd explain what you've been through and explore if you may have depression. Sometimes, medication or a support group helps. Plus, online communities like this one really helped me.
I hope there is good news with your mom's medical report. Please let us know how things are going. I'll be sending well wishes and prayers for her.
So we didn't hear back about the CT and this morning my mum woke up very sick, in a way I'd not seen before. I called the hospital team who cares for her primary illness and they said she had to see her primary physician before they could do anything. I mentioned the CT and they assured me if it had shown anything serious she would have been admitted....
After many calls I finally talked to her primary care physician who has the CT results....and it's not good 😞 He couldn't believe the hospital team hasn't said anything about it. She has some kind of tumor on her lung which appears to be unrelated to the condition she already had (which is I assume how the hospital team got out of saying anything about it - it's nothing to do with their team). I called my sister to tell her.
I haven't told my Mom yet. How would I even say it? Her primary care physician is stopping by this afternoon to check on her and I'm hoping he'll break the news. He said the letter he got was very vague - that it was a tumor and that was pretty much all.
I am losing my mind.
If I can comment - I think you need to keep reaching out. Have a physical with your doctor, talk about your feelings, there might be someone he recommend you talk to. If you have a church - there might be a grief group or priest you can speak to. There might be local support groups for family members helping a loved one who is very ill.
We are glad you found this site. We are here for you.
You are having a heck of a time of it, and I'm so sorry. Please come back later and let us know how the visit went.
My sister and I discussed it, as I did with the GP, and we've decided not to tell her for now. She has been through such a lot and although she knows something is up, telling her it's bad and going through the agonising wait to find out just how bad would be cruel. Without my dad she doesn't really have anyone to turn to, and another week or two of being in the dark feels like a weird kinda blessing.
Thanks so much for your kind words, I am doing my best to look after myself too.
You can always tell mom that the CT was inconclusive and that she needs a followup appointment to clarify the results, if she asks.
Google Mindfulness Meditation; some exercises of that sort really help when under stress.
You'll get through this!
Mum is pretty self sufficient - I read stories here of kids breaking their backs and souls caring for ailing parents and we didn't really have that with my Dad or Mum as yet - harrowing emotional rollercoasters sure, but not the same.
These journeys are so lonely though - with my Dad I hated telling people because then every conversation became about that and sometimes I just wanted to talk about purses and shoes! This forum is such a welcome release.
I'm thinking of you all too - you've all been so kind x